MR MONTGOMERY'S BREAK. FAST.

Bruce Herald, Volume XXII, Issue 2263, 8 May 1891, Page 6

MR MONTGOMERY'S BREAK. FAST.

"Oh, dear, Ferguson," said Mrs Montgomery, as the 6 30 whistle blew the other morning, " I do wish you had been born a woman, so you might know how mean it is to get up and get breakfast."

Mr Montgomery had been wakeful that morning, says the Minneapolis Journal, and he determined to teach his wife' a lesson. Stretching his arms up and yawning vigorously he said —

"Why, I am ashamed of you, my dear: It's no cross for me to get up You just lie still and I'll show you how breakfast ought to be put on. '

Mr Montgomery leaped up and into iris pantaloons, and his wife subsided iuto the pillow with a little deprecatory murmur. When Mr Montgomery found himself in the kitchen he looked around and felt a little out of his element. But he soon had the fire going and the kettle singing merrily.

" Well," he said to himself, as he rubbed his hands and inhaled the soft morning air aa it came through the open door, " this is famous. Now we'll fry a little of that mashed potato that was left over and a chunk of steak, and everything will be as merry as a marriage bell."

But he had made one little mistake, and alas ! he did not know it. What he took for mashed potato was lard. First he heated the spider and dropped in a little butter, watching it sizzle. Then he took a big spoon , and moulding little lumps of the lard, dropped them into the pan. A dense smoke arose, and Mr Montgomery went to put up the windows. When he went to see if the potato was done brown, the material had disappeared and the spider was half full of bubbling fat.

11 Suffering Bab ! " said Mr Montgomery in amazement. '' I believe there's some withcraft here."

Then he took a closer look at the potato and R at down a moment to dislike himself. At this moment bis attention was attracted by the tea kettle, which had stopped singing and was cracking ominously. The water had boiled out. Mr Montgomery jumped up to lift it off. The handle was redhot.

" Blank the whole billy-be-dashed-blanked business ! " howled Mr Montgomery, nursing his hand and growing very, red in the face. " Blank my : fool soul for a blank idiot ! "

And with that he seized his hat and fled down town just in time to escape Mrs Montgomery, who, looking over the ruins, said meditatively to hprself : " I .wonder if Ferguson was trying to fry dough-nuta 1 Well, I, just knew Something would happen, so now ! " (