Wit and homour.

Bruce Herald, Volume XIX, Issue 1933, 17 February 1888, Page 5

Wit and homour.

; fif I cannot have fee fab of the land Toan tale a little lean/ «aid a pbiloeophical /amp as he leaned against a lamp-post. She ■* (emphatically)—.' Hb\<r km? of nature ;to : bisßtdw upon the" "blind the 1 faculty of diiK .tinguishing coloiira- by- thoßeiiße of touch P* He f (philogdphj^oll^^^Tes j but it's not 'altogether 'confined to the sightless. In this hard world a fellpw needn't be Wind to feel biue/--; ; — vV :-'■'■;■ ■.■■.,;; '; ! ; :;?■;;: '■ ■■ ." *'O, my .''friends, there are some spectacles thata peraon never forgets i! " said a leoturer, after giving a graphic "description of a terrible accident that- he had witnessed. like to Know where they, sells 'em,' remarked an old lady in the audience who is always mislaying her glassja*.;' .'.■ , : .'^;V '.-,':.., '„■.'].* .^: ; :■■'■'"'■ .Qae of our school teachera was endeavour* ing to explain to a small boy in her class the meaningiof the ..word ' s cpllision.',.« She aafd — .! Suppose vtwoj boys , rannmgkin^ the street should come together real hard- What would there be ?' 'A fight," .jresponded: the little fellow -loudly, and; with; astonishing prompt.ness;.and the teacher gave it up*, ! ; Consistency- i9 usually jadmir^d,' "and the following story is"a neat example^ of this virtue. • A -woman was in : the - ■*ritneß8 s bqt. 'How old are you ?' asked the Judge.' 'Thirty.* Judge-^' Why- 1 heard you give the feame age for the last three years.' r Witnert— * Certainly my Lord,! am not one, of those who say one thing^ to-day an 3; another to-morrowi' A. gentteniaii goes to .an, armoare^s and asks|f or a revolver. a real;nice family weapon,' aiyk the clerk. V'.Famtly:- ; weapon-?' •Yes^ family^ weapon j.just.Jha. thing for a*omest;ic tragedies';' six-shpbter, you see, sirtwo bullets for your wife, .twdf bulletß for the destroyer of your happiness, jtwo for yourself. All the go^sir I Sell hundreds ,!qf them for [ bridal presents, sir.' „ .. .;'. '„j, I ; Thijit is almost too good to be true," though Baptists of the Spurgeon school^ are 1 ' wicked wagß in their way. Once a very, shallow, but very ambitious, young man applied to enter the College, and after a long, interview with Mr Spurgeon, ho was rejected, whereupon he turned and said, .'Si ••, woe. to me-if I T preaoh not the gospel!' To this Mr Spurgeon replied 'Sir, woe to the people if you doT When the sons' of the Prince of Wales were making their voyage round the world, they oft owe occasiot) attended a ball at which the elder remonstrated with the youtjge 1 * brother on account of h ; s ' sky lariing' and want of dignity. This Prince EJwa*d did more than once. At last Prince G-eorge said to him quietly, '/Look here, if you don't like my conduct, you may lump it ; and if you can't lump it, why, go into a corner by yourself and whistle ' God save your grandmother !'