THE BARBER OF DUNSE.

Bruce Herald, Volume XI, Issue 1078, 14 January 1879, Page 6

THE BARBER OF DUNSE.

A clergyman possessing an uncommon share of wit and humor, had occasion to lodge for the night, in company with some friends, at the inn of a town, which, for certain reasons, we shall denominate Dunse. Requiring the services of a barber, he wan recommended by the waiter to Walter Drou, who was represented as excellent at cracking a joke, or telling a story. This functionary being forthwith iutroduced, made such a display of his oral aud manual dexterity, as to leave ou the mind as wel 1 as the body of his customer, a very favourable impression, and induce the latter to invite him to sit down to a friendly glass. The mutual familiarity which the circulation of the bottle produced, served to show off the barber in his happiest mood ; and the facet-it us clergyman, amid the genera) hilarity, thus addressed him: " Now, Wattie, I engage to give you a guinea, on the following terms, — that you leap b'ick- ( wards and forewards over your chair for the space af half an hour — leisurely, yet regulfHv — crying out at every leap, f Here goes I, Watiie Dron, barber of Dunse ;' — bufc .ha*, should you utter anything else during the time, you forfeit the reward." Wattie, though no doubt surprised at the absurdity of tbe proposal, y«-fc, considering how easily he could earn the guinea, and the im probability that such an opportunity would never again present itself, agieed to the stipulations. The watch wasL-et, the barber having stripped off his coat, leaning with one hand ou the bick of the chair, commenced leaping over the seat, uniformly repeating, in an exulting tone, the words prescribed. After matteis had gone on thus smoothly for aboufc five minute- 1 , the clergyman rang the bel , and thus accos'ed the waiter: — " Wha- is the reason, sir, you insult me, by s*ndmg a mad fellow like that, instead of a proper barber, as you pretend he was?" Barber — (leaping) — " Here goes I, Wattie Dron, barber of Dunse." Waiter '"Oh! Sir, I don't know what is the ma ter, I never saw him in this way all my life — Mr Dron, Mr Dron, what clo you mean?" Bari-er — " Here goes I, Wattie — " — Waiter —* ; Bliss me, • Air Dron, recollect these are gentlemen ; how can you make such a fool of yourse f V Barber — " Here goes I— " Landlord — (entering in haste) •< What the devil, Sir, is all this— the fellow is mad — how dare you, Sir, insult, gentlemen iv my house by such conduct ?" Barber — " Here goes I, Wattie Dron " — Landlord - " I say Boh, run for his wife, for this can't be put up with — gentlemen the man is evidently derauged, and I hope you will nofc L-.t my house be injured in any way by this business." " Here goes — " — (wife pushing in) — " Oh ! Wattie, Wattie, what's this that's come ower ye? Do you nofc ken your am wife V Barber — •* Here goes I," Wife — (weeping) — "Oh ! Wat f ie, if ye care na for me, mind your bairns at hame, and come awaa' wi' me." Barber— " Here goes X, Wab— " The afflicted wife now clasped her husband round the neck, and hung on him so as effectually to arrest his farther progress. Much did poor Wattie struggle fco shake off his loving, yet unwelcome spouse, bufc ifc was now no "go"— his galloping was afc an end. *' Confound you for an idiofc," he bitterly exclaimed, '■ I never could win a guinea so easily in all my life " Ifc is only necessary to add, that the explanation |

that iuimi diately followed was much more ' satisfactory to miue host than to the bar bers betier half; anil that the clergyman restored Wattie to his usual good bdmour, by generously rewarding his exertions with the well-earned guinea.