Amusing.

Bruce Herald, Volume IX, Issue 892, 27 March 1877, Page 3

Amusing.

♦ Baby perambulators are said to be aa low as §4 a-piece, but bachelors are just as shy as ever. " Why," asks an English review, "ia the British lion so afraid of having hia toes stepped upon?" — Because he once had a unicorn on them. " Sam, why am lawyers like fishes 7" " I don't meddle wid dat subjek, Pomp." " Why, don't you see, nigga ? because dey am so fodd of de-bate." A Connecticut girl writes that no sound is more pleasant to a tired man than the song of the coffee pot. Yep, when it sings " Chicory, chicory, chic-o-rye." Brevity in business. — A venerable and much respected pedagogue in the west, having required a supply of porter, entered tbe shop of a dealer in that commodity, when the following brief dialogue ensued : — " Porter ?" — " Yes, sir.'* " Good ?"— " Yes, sir." « Six dozen," A French writer has translated Shakspeare. When he came to " A plague o' both your houses," he did not search for the French equivalent, but rendered the line thus : — " Que la petite verole mange vos maisons toutes les doux!" — May the small-pox destroy both your houses I An odd weapon.— " And new, Mrs Sullivan," said the counsel, v will you be kind enough to tell the jury whether your husband was in the habit of striking you with impunity?" "Wid what, Bir?" "with impunity." "He wua, sir, now and thin ; but he sthruck me ofthener wid his fisht." " Multiplication's my vexation." — A youngster, whilst perusing a chapter of Genesis, turned to his mother and inquired if the people in those days used to do sums on the ground ? It was discovered that* he had been reading the passage, " And the sons of men multiplied upon the face of the earth." Unmistakable resemblance. — " Cuff, you, see dem two ladies ob colour cross de street, dar ?" "Yes, I see be angels, Pompey." « Well, don't dey look 'mazing like pne anoder ?" " Dat berry true ; I gibs you credit for your nice demonstration} dey do mazingly zemble one anoder, specially de one on dis side." His lather biggest calf.— A fo'iiow at a cattle show, where he made himself conspicuous by his bluster, cried out, " Call these prize cattle I Why, they ain't notbin* to what our folks reared. My father raised the biggest calf of any man round our parts." "No doubt of it," said a bystander, <{ and the noisiest." The force of habit. — The country is approaching a great crisis in its destiny ; every minute is precious to those who bear the burden of responsibility, and yet the average patriot, with all these momentous issues trembling in the balance, will lift his shoulder from the wheel, grab his hat, and slide round the corner at the mere utterance of the magic word. « Drink V ■ - A convenient round. — A man went through the Bankruptcy Court. He had owned a fine horse and gig v and ibey both disappeared for a thne, but "Tby-and-by the horse and g% were dpmg^&ervice for the game owner again. On being asked what this meant, the man's reply was, "I went through the Bankruptcy Court, but the horse aud gig went round." A fool's ad-vice. — When Leopold, Duke of Austria, was about, tp invade; Switzerland, he held. -a council of hia?,, nobles, at which the court jester 1 was -^present. After matters had been < arranged! for the march of the army, the Duke^gked the jester what he thoughlrfcf their deliberations. "Just what I thought of the mouse_ w& Icaxighf last night," said he ; * !' everyone toldbyqu how *o* get into the trap, but no one said a "word^bput getting outj," XXX XXX^XyXXy fX\ A servant girKin Edinburgh^o spoke Scotch so broadly as at times hardly to be comprehended evenvJby ' her; 'mistress, though, a native of Burns' Ayrshire, on being asked how she "contrived to make Mrself undferstobd w^en^ in t jgiand, she had previously been, reJdi(Bd^ 6>, Jslfl|it£ egky jfyjgVe nae-thing|p-4o.but leave, oofc^aVthe^BVandi gie th swords ft bit chaw in the middle l' v ' ' a. ■:.; ; ... '"_ * iam ;S AA-*