Amusing.

Bruce Herald, Volume IX, Issue 891, 23 March 1877, Page 3

Amusing.

— , » " I bavn't another word to say, wife ; I never dispute with fools." — " No husband, you are very sure to agree with them." A Yankee lady who went West in search of her husband, writes home that she has attended many executions, and witnessed " several unfort'nit souls hung," but none of them was her John. " You can't drink so much brandy with impunity," said a New York physician to a gouty patient. "Perhaps not with impunity, doctor, but with a little peppermint I fancy I can go it," was the serene reply. Mark Twain, having been invited to contribute something to an Infant Asylum, oft'ered to be one of 1,000 citizens " who shall agree to contribute two or more of their children to this enterprise. There is a growing feeling among the American people that the man who can hear a fellow mortal complain of a cold in the head, and abstain from telling him what to do for it, is the man who should be the next President, A man who was recently hanged in Canada for killing his landlord made a speech on the scaffold, in which he expressed a hope that this "might be a warning to other landlords who persisted in dunning their poor tenants." The longest sentence on record was pronounced by a western judge. He sentenced a murderer to imprisonment for life, and afterwards added two or more years to the sentence because the prisoner called him "no gentleman." After passing three years in the gaycapital, a French etudent wrote to hia father as follows : — " I have made up my mind to set to work, dear father ; therefore I should like to know whether it was law or medicine that I came to Paris to study." A boy contemptuously observed, while his mother was scolding him because he came home with the " bark " all off his shins from a blow with a hockey stick, that croquet was nothing but " hockey '* with its society clothes on. Some one seeing two or three eminent lawyers gathered together on the site of the New Law Courts said that they had met to view the ground where they mast shortly lie. A Bridgeport woman, hearing a great deal about " preserving autumn leaves," concluded to put up a lew jars of them. She told a neighbor yesterday that she didn't think they would ever be fit to eat, and she might just as well have thrown her sugar away !— ' Norrietown Herald/