American Gossip

Bruce Herald, Volume VII, Issue 650, 17 November 1874, Page 7

American Gossip

Virginia hopes to send a women 122 years old to the centennial.

Nine young ladies of Pittsfieid, NH. have taken to base bawl instead of soprano squeak The Fat Men's Association is making preparations for it annual clam bacchanalian orgies Au enterprising Yankee proposes to boil down the Beecher scandal, and bottle it for bed-bug poison. ; It is "possibly owing to the calmness of the ocean that Newport hasn't its usual high seas on this year. The lesson of the hour — and let no man disregard it : Tall aches from little ink flow. — * Brooklyn Review.' Minnesota has beev taking stock of its agricultural products, and reports a hundred bushels of grasshopers to the acre. First in war, first in peace, and first in the pockets of her countrymen ! Boston haa invented a new way of stealing watches. The night air is generally deemed so deleterious in. Portland, Me., that prudent cracksmen commit their burglaries in broad daylight. A Boston paper invalidates Mrs Dr Walker's claim to originality by stating that Joan of Arc was the first female who wore mele attire. Jim fiunyan says : " There is something about dogs I never could get uaed to " We don t know, but we suppose Jim meant fleas — ' Louisville Courier Journal.' The number of lunatics in Paris has been almost doubled since 1872, and the temperance folk persist in alluding to the fact fls an illustration of absinthe o 1 mind.

A contemporary prescribes as a certain means to remove dandruff — *' Go out on the plains and insult an Indian." It is also a speedy method of raising a head ot hair. The Treasury Department has made the wholly superfluous decision that children's whistles, tin trumpets, etc., are not to be classed among "musical instruments." On the body of a drowned man at Lebanon Springs was found the following verse : Mnr'in O'Connor didn't water his whiskey, A ver; bud prictice, but horribly risky. John Keef took it straight without reduction, And this was the cause ol his sudden destruction The Boston ' News ' thinks "it is a pity that Henry Wilson can't get to think there are any i»sues now since the 1 ' Kail of the Slave Power in America. 1 A generation of voters are drifting without any particular political home, thinking no more of these defunct issuss than of yesterday's dinner." A seashore landlord has had a guest who signed H.U. after his name on the book. He supposed that a good sign for securing bia bill, but eventually found that instead of the initials being of Harvard University they were those of "hard up." The Detroit ' Free Press ' declares that a Delaware man thrashed his wife almost to death because their baby didn't get a prize at a baby show, and then he offered to trade the baby for a pig. The autbo rity of the ' Press,' however, in such matters, is n"6t first-class

A. Bostonian lately drowned himself on principle in the frog pond on the Common in order to silence the sneers of the ungodly at the ianocuou.g shallowness of that historic sheet of water.

The Chicago clergyman who lost $70 to a three-card- monte, delivered an eloquent discourse the following Sunday showing how the devil has such power over men that they can't trust their own eyes.

A letter from Washington says that, in our capital '* there ia no end to the dyed beards, dirty finger nails, immaculate shirt fronts, flashy jewellery, ignorance, insolence, money adventuresses, and knavery. The girl who generally writes her name in a straw baf and marries a millionaire through its influence basn't been beard of this year. The milionaire was probably married before the hat came out.. — 4 Detroit Eree Press.'