Amusing.

Bruce Herald, Volume VII, Issue 650, 17 November 1874, Page 6

Amusing.

By our own Poiiosopher. — We are very fond of Professor Tyndall — but No Mat ter !

A coloured Mrs Parlington, observed the other day that her husband held the *' stinguished position of stupidoumerary on the metropelican police."

■' I fear," said an Aberdeen minister to his flock, ' when I explained to you in my last charity sermon that philanthropy was the love of our specie*, you. must have understood me to say specie, which may account for the smallness of the collection. Tou will prove, I hope, by your present contribution that you are no longer laboring under the same mistake"

A countryman with his bride stopped at an hotel the other day. At dinner, when the waiter presented a bill of faw the young man inquired, *' What's that ?*' "That's a bill of fare," said the waiter. The countryman took it in his hand, looked inquiringly at bis wife, and then at the waiter, and finally dove down into his pocket and insinuatingly inquired, ■■ How much i° it ?"

A S.iii >r's D'scrip'ion of bis Bride.-— A 'seafaring man who has recently married gives the following description of hi» bride and her apparel, which we think will put some of the ' society papers " to the blush : —My wife is just aa handsoraw a craft a* ever -It- ft millinery dry dock, is clipper built, and with a figure head not often seen on smali crafts. Her length ■if keel is 5 feet 8 inches, and diaplnces 27 cubic feet of air ; of light draught, which adds to her speed in the bat i-ri torn ; fall in the waist, spars trim. At the >ime we we«-e spliced s : >c was newly rigged fore and afr, with standing rigging of lace and flowers; miinsaii part silk, with forestaysail of Valencie .nea. Her frame waa of the best steel covered with siik, with, whalebone stanchions. This rigging is intended for fair weather cruising. She has a'so a set of storm sails for rough weather, and is rigging out a small set of canvass for light squalls, which are liable to occur in this latitude sooner or later* I am told, in running down the street; before the wind, she answers the helna beautifully, and can turn around in her own length if a handsome craft passes her.

Educational Advantage — A United States paper tells of an Irishman who found a (roverntneat blanket recently, and rolling it up pat it under his arm, and walked off, saying: — " Vis that's moine — U for Patrick, and S for M'Carty ;be be aowl, but this larnin' is a foine things as me fayther would say ; for if I hadn't an edication I wouldn't have been afther findin' me blanket."

Hovv a Pedagogue Makes Love. — Mr ]V£iUs, Southside School Superintendent, makes out examination questions for teachers in a way peculiar to himself, winding up every question with "If so, why ?" or, "If not, why not ?" One of the teachers tell this story about him:— She says she boarded once at the same place where his "girl" boarded. One night he came, rang the bell, and asked the servant, "Is Mm in, and if bo, why ? Is she engaged, and how ?" Then he went in, and the little tattle-tale, listening at the key-hole, heard him say, "My darlings do you love me ? Ifno'fc, why nat-P After a while— "Give a synopsis of your employment during the week. Auaiyse thoroughly and completely the state of your sentiments towards me." When he lef, after kissing her, he remarked. tK Be prepared on next Sunday at half-past 2 p m., to state, accurately and concisely, when, where, and by whom, and under what circumstances, our mar* rwge. eiiaJl b§ |»f|or»e4 f "