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Bruce Herald, Volume VI, Issue 362, 5 April 1871, Page 3

" Why do you set, your cup of tea upon the chair, Mr Jobus ?" asked a worthy landlady at breakfast. "It is so very weak, ma'am," replied Mr Jobus, da | murftly, "I thought I would let it take a rest." A boy in Detroit disrpg-arded his mo'her's injunction "not to skate on the river, and the ice was thin — His mother don't have to cook for so many as she formerly did. Two twin brothers in New York are so much alike that they frequently borrow money of each other without knowing* it. Law is like aseive ; you may see through, it, but you must be considerably reduced before you can get through it. A ffirt's heart is like an omnibus — it ahvaj's has room for one more. That was a bitter joke of the man in New Jersey,- who put a quantity of jalap in some beer his friend was about to drink. The funeral was very generally attended. In MassHchusets, the other day, a mmi thought he could cross ths track in advance of a locomotive. The directors refused to attend the funeral. . ■ • . '• " Here, you young 1 rascal, walk up and give an account of yourself. "Where have i-ou -been?" "After the prills father." " Did you ever know me' to do so when I was a boy." ri ;No, sir-j rbut mother did." Swifr, proposed: to pnt a ' tax on female beauty, and leave" every lady 'to rate her own charms. He said the tax would be cheerfully paid, 'and ' would 1)8 very productive. " °"~ When does a man impose upon himseli? — When, he taxes kis.mieiiiory,; , A London toper has .purchased; a ,_cow r and is 'feeding 1 her on juniper berries, so as to get fresh gin and milk. -:.•/■ A female preacher, married a couple ilately.in.lo.wa. At the end of the oeretnony the minister kissed the jjrooni.