WIT AND HUMOR.

Bush Advocate, Volume XXII, Issue 61, 14 March 1910, Page 7

WIT AND HUMOR.

JOCK'S EXPLANATION

"Well Jock," said the laird of a certain estate, 'you are getting very bent. Why don't you stand straight up like ine, man?" "Eh, man," said Jock, "Ye see that lield o' corn OAver ther! Weel, ye'll notice that the full heids hang doon, an' the empty eens stair 1 strachtup."

MIXED UP. A sergeant Avas once drilling a squad of recruits. They Avere incredibly ignorant. One of them could not tell his right hand from his left. The sergeant proceeded to teach them, and at last attained some degree of success. Sergeant: "Noav, yer blessed idiot, hold yer hands in front of yer, and tAvist them round one oA r er the other. Stop! Noav, Avhicli is your left hand and Avhich is your right?" Kecruit (looking at his hands for a moment) : ( "I'm blowed if I know. I've gone and mixed 'em!"

CHOOSING HIS WEAPONS

An Irishman travelling in France Aras challenged by a Frenchman to fight a duel, t-o Avhich he readily consented, and suggested shillalars as Aveapons.

"That Avon't do/' said the Frenchman's second. "As challenged party you have the right to choose the arms, but chivalry demands that you should decide upon a Aveapon Avith Avhich Frenchmen are familiar."

"It that so?" replied the Irishman, coolly. "Very well; Ave'll fight with guillotines."

THEY WERE MISTAKEN

Constable Stopem Avas found on the roadside in an unsensible condition, and evidently delirious ,for he muttered incessantly:—

"I ate one, too." "He's evidently been poisoned," said the doctor, as he listened to the rambling sentence Avhich the P.C. uttered. "I'll try the stomach pump 011 him."

This instrument cf torture brought the dazed constable to his senses, and he kicked the pump to the other end of the room, and cried—"What do you mean by this?"

"I thought you Avcre poisoned," explained the doctor. "You kept on saying, 'I ate one, too.' " "Yer a lot o' blooming idiots!" grunted Constable Stopem, wratlifully. "Tha't the number of the car Avot knocked me over—l.Bl2."

"Jimmy," said the fond mother to her smart 11-year-old, "what became of that little pie I made for you as a treat yesterday? Did you eat it?"

"No, mamma," .answered Jimmy, with a grin : "I gave it to my teacher at school instead." "That Avas very nice and generous of you, Jimmy!" complimented his mother. "And did your teacher eat it?"

"Yes, I think so," ansAvered Jimmy. "She wasn't at school to-day."