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Bush Advocate, 15 September 1888, Page 2

♦- — - . INTERVIEWS WITH LOCAL CELEBRITIES. No. s.— The Storekeeper, Speaking metaphorically, the storekeeper is like An oyster. He benefits others, but not himself. He not only lays himself out to the public palate, but furnishes pepper and vinegar. He is a public benefactor, and as such should be subsidised by the State for his generous care of mankind. Send a child for a farthing "dip," and the storekeeper will dip into the, treasures of his store for that which will continue the light of day. If, the child require a pennyworth of treacle, the storekeeper will spontaneously leave the top of the vessel uncovered so that the child may be made glad on its way home. There is no limit to the largeheartedness ■of the storekeeper. He knows that eggs are eggs, but he is ' never " egg "-otistical. His whole soul is wrapped up (like a pound of tea is wrapped up) in the effort to do good, and his chief delight is when he is called upon to ex-" sell " himself in the production of gladness, caused by the " cup that cheers but not inebriates." When he "gives away " a pound of butter he is desirous that you should know for yourself the kind of beast that produced it. There is to be seen an impression of a fat cow, a very fat cow, a prime cow, and what more can the recipient desire when he or she is in search of "prime" butter. If the storekeeper was a mean man he . would charge more for the cow, but he doesn't. He thinks it would be a cowardly thing to milk his customer in large profits, and he is quite right, for the customer might " kick the bucket," and his custom- would be lost. Ob no ! the storekeeper .never finds himself on the horns of a dilemma. "Ich dien" is the storekeeper's motto, and he always bears it in mind. If he is requested to give an opinion on the relative merits of an article of different price, he invariably recommends that which costs the more. This is self-denial, and is dictated by a warmth of affection inherent in his nature ; because, see how much bigger the discount will be for cash. Ihe principal is as nothing compared to the discount, and if the customer prefers having it put down in th© book, why it is only reasonable that he should be allowed to do so instead of taking the discount. The storekeeper much prefers having the articles that are purchased entered in his books to receiving cash. For this purpose he keeps a clerk, and the more clerks he has, the more important and solvent is his position. He does not put himself on a par with proprietors of shooting galleries, totalisators, and such like, and for this reason he generally refuses cash when it is offered him. The storekeeper is amphibious. At one time he disports himself on the rocky " banks " (New Zealand and New South Wales;, and at another time he is plunging in the open sea of speculation. (Note to the compositor : Don't leave out the s in this word.) Grocery, drapery, ironmongery, all the channels of commerce, are his •" Oceania." Froude has included the storekeeper in his deep sea sounding remarks. With ail the above running in my head, I visited Mr Ron berg, and addressed him in anything but a "swag"-gering manner. He offered me his fin, and I found that it held a " statement of account " addressed to Mr Swag. This, however, did not " fin "-ish our interview, but he evidently thought I was a " fishy " customer, for he told me that he had on hand, and to "arrive," sardines, salmon, lobster, herrings, whitebait, and all the small fry of the species. I felt rather small fry. myself, but felt confident, for I knew him to be a large-hearted storekeeper. 1 meekly asked if fie could oblige me with a kangaroo boot lace, which he immediately did, and put it down I in the book without my asking this favour, I then inquired more boldly if he could furnisn me with a " reaper and binder." This he said was "to arrive" by Warner's cart on the morrow. I asked him if he wanted cash. Certainly not, sdid he. Give me a P.N. any time that suits your convenience. My clerk is laid up with the measles. Mr R. said there was no particular necessity for the P.N., only it would enable him to " reap " his harvest and and "bind" me, which I thought logical, and knowing that a " bird in the hand was worth two in the bush " I queried if he would lend me half-a-crown. Needless to say, he pressed five shillings into my hand, wliich " crowned " his generosity. I went into the bush and saw two pigeons, and reflected. "Which was the pigeon, the storekeeper, or the customer V I felt sorry and guilty, ancl went back to return, the half-crown, and ask a conundrum. I said, What do you consider.the most suitable coin in the public purse to pay the honorarium with, and the most deserving person to receive it ? A " Tanner," said he. Oh ! said L and I turned away to " Waip-a-wa a tear. I then tore myself away, promising to return and sign the promissory note. Swag.