VICTORY ROLL

Auckland Star, Volume LXXVI, Issue 117, 19 May 1945, Page 8

VICTORY ROLL

(Thoughts inspired by the celebrations in Melbourne on VE Day) By CLIVE TURN BULL Scene: A large conference room festooned with red tape. Around the centre table the assembled politicians and bureaucrats. In the background a ballet of 24 female secretaries continuously opening and shutting filing cabinets arid making tea on gas rings..

Ist Politician * Chorus of Bureaucrats: 2nd Politician 3rd Politician .. .. 4th Politician sth Politician 18th Secretary Chorus of Bureaucrats: Ist Politician Chorus of Bureaucrats: 2nd Politician 3rd Politician tth Politician sth Politician Ist Politician 18th Secretary Ist Politician 2nd Politician 18th Secretary Ist Politician 18th Secretary lsi Politician .... 2nd Politician 3rd Politician 4th Politician All Chorus of Bureaucrats'. (The Secretaries'

Gentlemen! . f £ 3S You've heard the story going about: ■, i - Disastrous peace has broken out, The flying bombs will fly no more, The Channel is free from shore to shore, The war in Europe's come to an end. And people are happy, heaven forfend! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! How do we deal with such situations! With more vexatious regulations, Bigger and better prohibitions From bigger and better politicians! Act now, act now, before it's too late Or you'll find the people will celebrate! Shut the pubs and the restaurants, too (Section Three Hundred and Twelve will do). Quick, before the nation relaxes, Taxes, taxes, taxes, taxes! Hurry, let YE Day take shape! Send for a million rolls of crape. The Sub-Controller of Crape's not here — He has cut his throat from ear to ear! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! A very commendable thing to do; He'll be out of a job like me and you. Dangerous talk of the war being won! Talk like that and the thing'll be done! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! Thank heaven we're not like English folk, They really are beyond a joke, With their awful dancing and kissing and cheers And laughing!

And Singing! And even beers! That Awful Man with the big cigar, He shows them up as they really are. I'm sure, I hope, you won't think me rude, But I really feel he is rather crude. We all of us feel he is rather crude. Smoking and talking and making signs, Flying about and drinking wines, Getting the people to do still more, In some strange fashion winning a war. Why doesn't he sit at home 'instead And tell the people they're better dead? Why doesn't he talk about regulations Instead of this stuff of United Nations! Scarlet anarchy stalks the land! Things are getting out of hand! Have you heard what people are saying? Very alarming, very dismaying! They say that Fascism's almost undone, No more people die in London, They say that millions can now draw breath, Without the fear of being beaten to death. They say that a foul thing's battered and broken And at last, at last, the Truth is spoken, There's no more blood on the broken streets And the stricken heart of Europe beats! For new-born town and countryside They say the flower of England died. These are dangerous thoughts indeed. I think you'd better not proceed. In England it may all be clear. We do not understand it here. How shall we deal with such situations? With more vexatious regulations, Bigger and better prohibitions From bigger and better politicians! Act now, act now, before it's too late Or you'll find the people will celebrate! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! ballet moves forward and serves tea.)