WISECRACKS FROM THE WEEK'S NEWS

Auckland Star, Volume LXXVI, Issue 99, 28 April 1945, Page 16

WISECRACKS FROM THE WEEK'S NEWS

There are shells, but no bells, on the Unter den Linden.

* * * * Theme song for Berliners.—"Blaze Away."

* * * * Germans in Italy know that talk of Allied might is not Bologna.

*' * * * Enemy pilots are not being let down lightly. # * * *

Just at present, it's a wise man who doesn't put all of his egg in one basket. * * * *

We can't make up our minds whether the chap who will not accept reports of Allied successes until he has confirmed them over the German radio is a pessimist or an optimist! if * * * It has been announced that the ban on the production of doublebreasted coats is still in existence. We thought our second front worries were over long ago! * * Hitler can't say that his birthday celebrations didn't go off with a bang. * * * * What we want to know is what they hope to do with all the out-of-work neutral observers. * * * * Goebbel'fi neswpaper has been suspended. The worthy doctor will be fortunate if he doesn't end up in the same predicament. * * * *

American troops have been instructed as to what they must do with Hitler if they should meet him. In the event of that happening we can't imagine anyone being exactly stumped for ideas. * * * * Hundreds of tons of biscuits, pro-! duced. by New Zealand manufac-1 turers, will shortly be crushed up at Auckland for pig food. There is going to be some snorting over this! * * * * It's not only from the Oder that Adolph scents defeat. * * * * Experts consider that within ten years jet propelled planes will fly at least 100 miles above the earth. Probably not as tall as it sounds. * * * * According to retailers, thousands of winter overcoats are in the hands of manufacturers and wholesalers merely waiting release by the Ministers of Supply. If he wants us to warm to him, he knows what to do. * * * * A Wellington butcher has been fined for the third time on a charge of selling pork without a permit. What we'd call being a bit pigheaded." * * * * An overseas commentator says that Hitler is now merely a "paper dictator." Quite capable, nevertheless, of getting himself into a rip-tearing rage. * * * * A witness before the Royal Commission on Licensing has referred to the degrading spectacle of handles of beer being handed over the heads of drinkers at bars. Things are coming to a pretty pass . * * * * Many Berliners are complaining because the Americans are not advancing faster in order to save them from the Russians. Most inconsiderate, to say the least! ■ Wool can now be plastically treated so that it is almost indistinguishable from mink. There now appears to be nothing to prevent those ladies who simply must have a fur coat from following each other like sheep. * ak * *

Berlin radio has bemoaned the fact that Germany's military experts have spent too much time in staggering their defences. Too bad—considering that we were only too happy to do it for them. * * * * According to returned men, dehydrated meat and vegetables are not at all popular with members of the 2nd N.Z.E.F. Very little really does go a very long way! *"* * * Included in the British 'Second Army's "mixed bag" in a recent twenty-four hours was a complete circus. They simply stole the show! * * * * After the war women will be able to tint their hair to match almost anything they will have with them. What may prove a little difficult will be their husbands' complexions the first few times they got out.