The ODD ANGLE

Auckland Star, Volume LXXII, Issue 192, 15 August 1941, Page 6

The ODD ANGLE

(By MacCLURE) • THE! POWER OF SUGGESTION I tried to explain to the barber that to be a Prime Minister one needs brains. "Aw, I dunno," he said contemptuously. "I reckon you could do the job yourself."' I make it a rule never to let a barber's opinion influence me in the slightest. It's not that they're not worth listening to —they ARE. To be a firstclass barber—even in the suburbs— one needs to be well-educated, to know all the raciest stories, the war news—and the latest racing tips. It's not a job anyone could do day after day. My own barber has it on the world, though, in that he's one of the ablest character readers 1 ever met. But he exaggerates at times. Terribly. "Thanks," I salcl slowly, after he'd stressed all my sterling qualities.

"but I'm not THAT good, though— anyway, there's plenty of time for me to be Prime Minister later on." He was disappointed in that I did not spring to it then and there. "It's rarely a man meets with anvone of your high intellectual calibre, Mac." he said, clean forgetting he'd made that identical remark a few minutes previously to one of those councillors who voted against the letting of the Town Hall. Still—there may be something in what he said

• PROMPT ACTION Yes—it's a tempting' bait this offering a man the Prime Ministership in return for his custom. The trouble is, once a seed like this is sown in a man's mind he's a changed being. Of course, one knows, when one stops to think, that it's all kidstakes to keep you as a customer— and yet Had I been a simple lad from the country I might have fallen for his flattery straightaway. As it was. it took me nearly ten minutes to see it. his wav. Why not, after all? As a matter'of fact] long before I was out of his chair I had not only taken over the Prime Ministership as he suggested but had been in office a full twelve-month —it just shows you liow swift a man s own mind can travel. Twelvemonths. Gee. Sitting there, all lathered up, I cast my mind back over my past year in office. Powerful. ruthless, unprincipled. I had completely transformed society, rebuilt Freeman's Bay slums, gaoled those cinema theatre managers who denied there were anv cheap seats left when they knew quite well there weie tinee rows of front stalls stone empty. Hanged every silk stocking letailer to make sure of getting the right ones, and issued tobacco to the Infirmary lads, built air-raid tunnels under every hill in the country, and given back the monevs collected ™ c ' a, 7 security. 'And on top u l hat gaoled everv man who disagreed with my political opinions. I was taking no risks. One cannot afford to when one lias risen from nothing to the elevation of a barber s chair. • "SHAMPOO, SIR?" Even as the barber asked the question I had unlocked the gaols and mental hospitals and turned all the regular inmates out. "OUT " I thundered. Those who wouldn't come peacefully I dragged out—rew!l Vo i mui 'derers and all. "Now look here, you birds," I screamed above the din. "you've had a pretty fair innings here all these years! You ve had all the social securitv ;^', re to get—especiaUy vou i 1 * ail fin > s lied now. Get; '5y There s a crowd OUTSIDE who ought to be INSIDE— mad and! worse than you jokers by a rounded°im it they've never been rounaea up. Now scram " Anrl « P ack the new mob in? Have you ever seen an usherette at work a . ( Saturday night? Boy—there lan ln ch of space left in any fhai,® 1 ' me ntal hospital throughout the land when I'd finished. Profes-so-called "Biblical prophecy" Communists, "conchies," travelling missionaries of weird-soundinp hntt^i 0 denominations, milkbottle thieves and well-paid heads of X m thHvi 1 f ? ed - re !\ gious institutions who thrived on the labour of sub™is entrusted to their care— Next please, the barber said as T resigned my seat. Yes—it had been a strenuous year all right. • " PERSONAL ITEMS " T there A RE truthful barbers I met one yesterday. "My brother a 6 smile ° U "Hp U r ff ' Mac "u he ' said a smile. He roars with laughing at th"7rlv' S i ln a men , tal hospital" Now! there s honesty for you—no beatintr about the bush. For that brother with the keen sense of humour I am SS g , ll H s Paragraph-a paragraph plucked fi om last Friday's Star page eight, "Personal Items"±on the same page as that item about the floral spray presented to Mrs °n Day in the House! thl r? tC> 1 Jaciy ' s high praise of it nnZ rn ( ments social legislation, it ought to go well—and highly amuse the barber's brother if no one else. Read it carefully, then observe L|™ ute s silence—for reflection:— Sister Phyllis Matthews, who ZTJ G V l !i ,y i n j ur ?d in the bombardw of the Rangitane, suffering the loss of limbs and serious disfigurement, is now without means of support. Sister Matthews was formally on the staff of the Dannevirke Hospital, and the registered nurses of Hawkes Bay held a fair and concert to raise funds to help her. Sydney" P atient in a hospital in

• THOSE JAIXS Several correspondents have written asking me about those Indian Jams and reminding me I never finished the story. Well, it's a sore subject as it happens, and caused so much misunderstanding when I arrived home for breakfast and admitted without a blush: "I slept the night with a couple of Jains on account of it being too wet to com« home—and me without a coat'" Sounds lame, doesn't it, put like that? Anyway, in a future issue I might finish off the incident. • THE JAPPOS

And now about this Japanese war scare. By the time this sees print the Japs., of course, may have started something. There's no telling what them yellow monkeys" might do in their present embarrassed state if you or I had spent 2000 million quidlets on a hopeless four-year war and were in up to the neck with a couple of crook partners we might [ give a thought to arson—murder | even—but only as long as we thought we could get away with it. But with a couple of John Hops on every corner—and an 'ell of a lot of corners to negotiate—we might give it a second thought. I think so—and with Japan facing the Australian, the British, the Chinese, the Dutch (and the good old U.S.A.. too, pardner), the outlook is enough to make even the Jap. Cabinet a bit more yellow round the gills. Personallv speaking, I can't see any more in it farm specialities to Russia (and elsewhere), I can't see any more in it I , a chance for our Government and Mr. Menzies to tighten their grip on our persons, our liberties and! lour purses by pointing out the big bogy man around the corner.