CHIPS STRIKES TROUBLE

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 219, 16 September 1939, Page 9 (Supplement)

CHIPS STRIKES TROUBLE

Quits The Infantry The first field day was not such a huge success after all. At least it •wasn't for Chips. Things didn't go right at all. After the inspection the usual march past was held and this brought a lot of trouble. Keeping in step with the others was an accomplishment that Chips could not master, and all the officers and non-coms, kept setting at hira for the offence. Phew! This is a hard life, thought Chijis, but he braced himself up for the salute. With chest out and his rifle at the slope (at anything but the correct angle) our friend marched with the pride of an experienced Tommy. When the order "Eyes right!" was given Chips turned his head smartly to the riirlit. U<rh! Things didn't seem to be right. He was all by himself. 'Where were the others he thought to himself. Then it was he realised he had inarched too fast and he found himself in line with the company commander. Then he collected himself and saw his position. Instead of staying where he was for a while, lie had to scramble back to his line. This brought a roar of laughter from his mates and a rebuff for his captain from tlie "brass hat" who was taking the salute, and a good bin-t for Chips from the captain.

The march past finished, the troops were ordered to man the trenches. After looking about lor some time Chips spotted something that resembled a cross between a garden border and a street gutter as it might have appeared after he had drunk several pints of liquid refreshment. This was ; lie work of some imaginative officer whose conception of the real trench was a bit wide of the mark.

Those were tlio aforesaid trenches tliat were to be manned. Kvviyune stood at their posts ready to go over tlio top. The order came. Chips with the others jumped from tlie trench to attack the enemy, but alas! He didn't get far. One of hits boot laces untied and he tripped and bit the dust of "Xo Mail's Land." His troubles did not end there. It was at the bayonet charge that Chip.-; made a real mess of tilings. Lying down behind the parapet he saw in front of him half a dozen sacks, filled with sawdust and hanging from a beam. These sacks were supposed to be the enemy. Chips made a dash from the trench with his rifle and fixed bayonet. He ran up the bank and made a mighty thrust at one of the sacks. He missed and went Hying through the air and landed on the ground some distance behind the sacks.

This was about the end of the captain's endurance. '"You d — fool!" he said. "Report to me when we get back to the huts." The day came to an end and Chips obeyed orders and reported to the captain. Meanwhile the good old sport had cooled down, and, instead of punishing Chips, he decided to take him in hand. Chijis had other ideas. Although ho was always striking trouble be was rather enjoying life. By this time he was a bit fed up with the infantry and decided to join the machine gunners. He had heard that a machine gunner had an easier time and could get more leave. Taking these things "into consideration and thinking he wouldn't get into so much trouble he got transferred to the machine gun squad. Lib HE. ° ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ THE GENERAL MISSES Strict On Discipline General , of- the N"ew Zealand Division, was a strict disciplinarian and very keen on seeing that the Diggers saluted often and correctly. I am not giving his name as he was a very gallant gentleman and was killed in France. On one occasion, in Bac St. Maur, ho ordered one of his captains to collect the identity di>es from about a dozen Pioneers who bad not saluted him. These were forwarded to the Pioneer H.Q.'s. My O.C. company happened to be in H.Q. when the discs arrived and suggested retaliation by the same method on the general's brigade. This was done, but "when the matter was taken on to division it was pointed out that it was distinctly against regulations to remove the disc from any soldier in the war and the matter was hushed up. On another occasion, the same general was doing a tour of duty in England as C.0., New Zealand camp, in Sling, and had his home outside the camp boundary. He drove into camp every morning by car about 9 a.m. and he issued instructions to his driver to slow down as he passed the Auckland H.Q.'s so that he inight take the salute from the guard, and woe betide the officer in charge if the turn-out was not smart. One morning before he reached the guard lie passed an A.S.C. private in the road and, as he was not accorded a salute he stopped the ear and instructed the private to got into the ear alongside the driver. On nearing the guard the car was slowed up and the private, taking advantage of the general's attention being fixed on the guard, slipped out of his sent, ran behind some huts, hastened to the A.S.C. lines and hurriedly shaved off his moustache. His fears proved correct, for a few minutes later a muster parade of the A.S.C. was called, and an inspection was made by the general, who failed to recognise his man and finally told the 0.C., A.S.C., that it must have been an Australian dressed up in New Zealand uniform. r.R.G. ♦ + + + EX-IMPERMLS Gisborne Activities. The Gisborne, E\-Tniperial Soldiers' and Sailors' Association will hold its second annual reunion in Gisborne on Saturday. September 2:>, and extends a hearty welcome to any ex-Imperial men from other centres. The first annual reunion proved a great success, and the roll call was answered by over .~>o from all brandies of the service. It is hoped to far exceed that numlier this year. Full particulars can be supplied b.v Mr. H. V. Wilkins, 328. Palmerston Road, Gisborne, the honorary secretary. + ♦ * * COMING EVENTS Remuera Club A social evening (ladies' night) •will be held in the club rooms to-night (Saturday) at 8 o'clock. A good programme, including dancing, has been arranged, and a very pleasant evening is assured. Devonport R.S. Club. The fortnightly dance to-night will be held in the Masonic Hall, as the Fraser Hall is not available. Commence S p.m.