THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 191, 15 August 1939, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) STORMY PETREL. In the midst of all this Right" and Left wing controversy some busybody has suggested that the farmers might wish to establish their own party. Oh. Walter, you'll find when you sail back to town. They're playing your uke as the vessel Roes down. Unless you can hasten your bite at the bone. Again you will find you are floating , alone. There's John with a knowledge of labour bereft. Asserting he's right, but they say that he's Left. Our Peter with truly omnipotent orbs Is gurgling at Gordon and foaming: at Forbes. The farmers since finding that biz isn't brisk Have policies now with a third party risk. *o- Walter, you'll see what it hinges upon: The wings and the backbone already are gone. fi??;, cockies on taking ud sides, you'll agree. Will look to the wether in place of the Lee. —B.C.H. I recently travelled in a two-ibertfc cabin with a very pleaeant, knowledgeabe chap, who had visited most parts of the world coloured red, or, indeed, any other CABIN MATE, colour. He could talk well

on most subjects, and ■was exceedingly well read and informed on current topics. His particular hobby was European politics, and that subject 'being very much in the news., he would yarn away for* hours. A pleasant companion indeed, "but not a good cabin mate. He took an interminable time to get into hie berth at night, and in the morning a good deal longer to bath and dress. When he retired he would carefully fold hie clothes and stow them away in bags and drawers, together with his studs, links, watch and that great variety of odds and ends the average man distributee about his person. In the morning he epent a good hour looking for the impedimenta he had eo carefully tucked away; in consequence he was late for breakfast; in fact lunch 'became his morning meal. However, lie was a pleasant chap, and we only spent two nfcrhts xt sea. On 'bidding me farewell on tho wharf he gave me his card and a pressing invitation to call if I ever found myself in his part of the plobe. His business? Ye swl*! An efficiency expert in a large multiple-store concern!—J.W.W.

TREASURE TROVE. I felt rather hungry. And went to a shoo To buy a potato. A humble potato— One sinsrle potato To so with a chop. The grocer looked blank, and He sternly said. "Stop! I haven't potatoes: I've oatmeal and onions: Why not buy tinned salmon. Or maybe a mop?" I looked at the irrocer. And promptly went pop. "I won't have tinned salmon— I want a potato: You know, a bog orange. With wrinkles on top." The srrocer said sadly "That scheme is a flop: I know how you're feelinjr. Id like to sunnly you: But this year potatoes Were not a erood crop." I said to him sternly. You insolent fop. I know you've potatoes. Im .eroiner to have oneR? n TM, dar ,? d °uble-cros6 me. Or 111 call a cod." So off to the stroner room He went on the hopProduced a potato Wrapped up in plush velvet. A T n e d n sa D y °. u dfd s r^ o ;i «* sixpenc *" : —SINBAD.

My email nephew » somewhat keen on being considered a "tough guy." Wh? ™ don't know; maj *e to £ in SgeriorityW Tonrw pttvq hls sc^°° l mates - How - TOUGH GUYS, ever, there it is—he likes ,r> *° imitate touch lads One afternoon the lot befell me to take him" S'wt V TW *" J With mUch SU-fceSs at heait. Y\ e started out and he was very talkative Tommy is only ten and he can be very charming. However, this dav ho w»° a little .wine. We ,aw a larjre eSI fnSS of roiiiniy*. advancing toward* ,« : a, he Buddy." The large lad scowled and 10.-kcd disdainfully down his nose. I did not like this form of addrese even to a school mate, and I told him so. Tommy just said, "OK ?T '■ S ,° mc tli,etancc Either on I saw a lady fno.ul approachinjr. I wa* juet about to pay my r,«,,ect S when a ehrill voice from my *id<. said. -Say. Xiinc, here's a Slieila we know Hy,r Mrs. X." Mrs. X.'s nose t.lted visibly and she bowed coldlv toward* me I cursed Tommy vehemently' and told him to walk ibohind me. He did for a. little way and then I stopped and lit a cigarette I put it on a post and stooped to do up my rfioe. When I got up the cigarette wae U, and. Linking it had blown away, I lit another! After go:n:r a little way I noticed several paesens-by stop and grin broadlv. Feeling more than a little embarrassed. I looked around —and wliat did I see? Tommy with mv cigarette hot ween his lips and "his hands in his pocket* strnlMn." calmly along. The picture of a rieinp I pasped; he greeted me with, 'Hyer, Xunc! Feeling lonely?"—' Scrrbbler. J

TliU day Tto the office, tout in tne tram and not walking, for that I was late in starting. For in the night the clock did stop, TWIT "TVmATMTTO" V* **"* X f °" nd W3S THE MOANER." .because my wife had not wound it,"but I did not roj-roat'li nor. for her tongue do he ehan» in the mornings. And Mien in my hurrv I did handle the razor with too much daeh/and eo a cut on my chin that will not eto P bleedin* to delay me nmre. But at last Ido o-et me dressed and so to a cup of tea. but. Ud. mv wife do stare at me ami a*k if I will tij the city like that And the cut on my"chin I do find to have bk>d some more and all over my collar, so I must away and chancre itand «o. at last, away very late and in very bad mood. And -beside me" in the tram is one that is more pninipy, it seem, than I, tor while I would Hip still and meditate on my woes he will chatter away complaining of thw and that and I perforce miwt hoar him. He do te.ll me of the ills of the Government, which it seem are many, for nothinjr that they have done will he have any merit in, and. tiring of the Government, he do talk of men and thin-* ■but all of them no {rood. And so liusv he with thus airing of his views that he have not his fare ready when the conductor do demand it but fumbles for it; whereat the conductor' after waiting a while, do pass on his wav to collec from them that are readv and 'will come back, he say. for the fare of the tujwdv une presently. And the jrrumpy one do at last find his fare, growliivr all the time he do «eek it of the ilk of the tramwav people and the poor service thnt they jrive" and the monev taat they cost the taxpayer, and so on. Wd then, when the conductor do c-nme * >apk what does he do but drop his pennies, and so to rmi.-h Keeking among the feet of them that : taml to fi, K it. And finally does so. and his faro paid at la<t. and away j,,,e s the conductor: And Ik- a oww. Ht him and do <ay the fellow be a fool The winch I question, seeing he had hi.n.elf caused all the bother, and' a*k why he =be er. sweeping h, condemning the man To which he do reply that the fellow must be a fool; otherwi-o would he -be a tram conductor? \\ ith which tj-pe of logic I find I eanaftt a&ee.— B.O^X.