THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 128, 2 June 1939, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) Those social security forms continue to haunt the community. At a recent (female) bridpe party it was the chief topic of conversation. With r-ixteen CONTRACT. women all talking at the same time it i~. of course. difficult t<i rift anything intelligible, hut him , scrap <>f conversation between Mrs. Paruell (ind Mrs. Ponsonby was outstanding. "Hid you till in your social security form. Mr?. Ponsonby ?"' "Oh. my dear." came the reply. "I don't have to. You sec. 1 voted for the Tjebour Government at the lai-t election."— B.C.H.

Baching is jjreat fun if you have a sense of humour. The other week-end four of my cobbers, hired a cottage at the seaside and took down n car load of HOMESICK. provisions, niwtly bottled. Saturday niaht was enjoyed by all. four extremely eopions thirsts being completely satisfied. But. ala<! The morninw brought bliudinjr rain, splitting headaches, and what wan woree, a complete dearth of refreshments. With parched throats and hurninsr eyes they searched in vain for anything in the way of the healing potion, but nary a spot did they ! ; -id. Bill, the backsliding barman of the night before, was particularly morose and remained in his bunk the very picture of dejection. Shortly after lunch a garrulous neiphlMHir dropped in and in-isti'd oil regaling the miserable inmate- of the bach with endless peamy jokes. Thei-e •ea'.ly evoked but scant re.-poii-c from th<-tliii-tv ha<'hers. |>art icnlarl y from Mill, who rudely turned over and apparently shed i-evcra! salt tears. '"What's the matter with him:" inquired the offended st<vry teller. "Oh. hi , "* just horribly homesick'." said BilFs friend. "Yoti see. his old man owiw a pub at Wellington."—Thos. FUEHRER SAV. When Fuehrrr-Pnv awoke at dawn of day. Frase Peter told him of the B.M.A. of how- they'd turned him down, in every way. "Refused, in fact, to let him hold full sway.

"Rut surely. Pete, you pointed out that we could easily start a State Maternity—

n<l pet the rash to start from Johnny Lee." I did." said Pete, "and they but laushed at me."

Xow Fuehrer-Say was honest ns the day— to steal the people's dougTi was not his way. "We'll make a refund, then-*—they must not Pay. I'll tell 'em now—there's no time to delay."

"Friends, here's a door to which we have no key marked 'B.M.A. Keep Clear. , for all to see. I thought (and so did Pete —and Johnny Lee) we'd make the quacks eive in—but they've made me.

"At 'lection time I led vou to believe I'd mapic wands and what nots up my sleeve. but now—the quacks have made me sorelv exieve. and I can now no longer you deceive.

♦J- -. truth is fPete «" here will tell you so) this doctor's strike—this medical ro-slow has piayed the very deuce with us—and so reluctantly we must postpone the show.

fnw? J ou who Imed UD in th e queues. ™' n the form s and handed in your dues we offer you apolosries profuse— and hand you back your cash: please don't reruse - — DOX. il. Eureka! Hooray! It has happened, and I've waited for it for three-quarters of a century. A maternal uncle in London has passed away, aged 99 IN THE MONEY, years and 364 days, just missing the bus by a whisker. He hated me, I loathed him, "and ho always threatened to outlive me, even if he had to live a hundred years! On going through my English mail I found a letter fro"n our family solicitors, informing me of the fact, and that which was far more practical— n<7 T e " c, . Med * draf t payable in Auckland. Ukl I take a tram? Xo. sir, I ranw for a taxi. Popped into the bank, and. greatly to my surprise, they paid me £50 odd more than the amount. I said "Thank you," and hurried I out. hoping that the error would not be quick]v discovered. My granddaughter (who "probes" ! me to the minutest detail) explained that it , was quite in order owing to the exchange, which I hadn't thought of. I kept the t«xi (all shininor black and mouse-coloured plush seats) waiting and told the driver, "You'll be seeing things presently." "You eeem very happy. Have you buried your mother-in-law?" 'the man laughed. I entered a large establishment and bought an overcoat for 14 miineas I suit £8 1.5/. and other trifles hron<rht the bill to thirty "quid." I wanted to present my hnstess with a gold and diamond bracelet, but wheik I saw a cake of soap for Td. I thought that it would please her more, as she is silch : a scrupulously clean lady. Then I entered a ; cinema and bought three drc-s circle .ticket* ! for myself. Tn the course of the evening I I remembered that the taxi man was «till I waiting, so I hurried out and he a*ked 30/. j Xecdless to say. I gave him two quid! Believe j me. brother. I'll paint this town scarlet by the end of the week, if I keep sober. —A.A.P.

Tt was just another gangster film, but Feeble loved it, We watched the kidnappers tump their victim off to avoid capture. The kids in the audience were KIPPERED. tickled to death. The victim was a prominent Chicago politician out to crush that wicked city's Kelly Gang. -Thank goodness we live in a civilised country," Feeble said. "What would happen, Mac. if one of them gangs was to kidnap Walter Xash and wanted'a million dollars ransom for him?" he asked after we"d turned in. "Don't be stupid." I said. "Whv pick on Walter, anyway?" "But what would happen?" he persisted. "How do I know ?'• I said irritably. "I suppose we'd have to paythough, heaven knows. Walters cos.t us enough ' already. ,, I was. getting worried over old Alf, who had mysteriously disappeared ever eince he'd drawn his pension. Came a knock, and 1 had a foreboding of evil. It was a lad with j n note. "Give the kid a pound or ." I j read. The remainder of the sentence was I almost illegible. Hurriedly prising up a floorj board, I fished out a pound note we'd buried j for fear of Miki. and handed it to the boy. I who raced away. "Quick. Let's follow him'." j T said. "Shouldn't we ring up the police—or j something?" Feeble said. "Perhaps if we did ■ they'd bump him off. though." We mana<»ed to keep the boy in sight and followed him^to j an ivy-covered cottage at the back of a church. j Creeping silently to the window we peeped in. : A wizened little parson man and old Alf were down on their knees. "Alfs praying." Feeble said. "What? With a kip in his hand?" I replied. Came the rattle of pennies. I studied the note. "Give tfce kid a pound or—what you can spare—h« «in't keep heading 'em." I read with difficult* "And heads they are, ( beloved brother," the reverend voice! I "Come on—there's ik» fool like an old fool," I eaid.-'-MacClure. THOUGHTS FOR TO DA V . An hour of solitude, )»f>«sed in sincere and earnest prayer, will tear-p us more thought, will more effectually the faculty and form the habit of reflection a year's study in the schools without it. S. T. Coleridge. ' He who sows eourtee- reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness tjathers love — I BasiL