THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 109, 11 May 1939, Page 10

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) "A.T.H." writes from Remuera: I know of two English words which I think will interest your correspondent "T.C.," of Ponsonby. One of these words NOW THEN! Ie "contra-transubstantia-tionalistieally,"' and the other, which ie more than twice as long a* "antidisestablishmentarianietic," submitted by "T.C.," is a word of sixty letters and appeared in the "Strand Magazine" about twenty years ago. It is "unhypereymmetricoantiparallelipipedicalisationalographically." At one of our meal-time controversies at the boardinghouee the other day the spelling of "tobacco" was considered. The grocer who wrote the offending notice TOBACCO. stoutly maintained that it .was spelt "tobacca"; the Government official who neither smoked nor spelt was all for the "o," while the journalist who spelt better than his typewriter held his peace. The current issue of the "Star" was made the arbiter. And what did we find? One solitary cigarette advertisement without reference to the soothing and refreshing qualities of the tobaee'/. Finally, the much-sought word was discovered concealed amonget the stoeke and shares as a desirable investment. —J.W.O. "H.M.'s" par. in this column on the subject of music teachers again invites the question, "What is music?" One can readily understand the modern wirclessHEAR! HEAR! educated child putting this question to grandpil and receiving the answer. "Nowadays, my child, it isn't." A Xew York paper iiiiblushingly prints the following from Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, 1910 edition: '"Croon— (o make a continuous hollow sound as cattle in pain." I have had the unfortunate experience of seeing and hearing cattle in pain. but 1 think the above libels tlio most acute cisc. The definition should have added to it "and causing humans even greater suffering." It is said that no man will admit lacking a >pnse of humour. Similarly, most people arc reluctant to admit a failure to appreciate good Tiiusic. What is the real test for the genuine music lover? The answer conies from a young 'person who is really young enough to know better. He says, "A real music lover is a man who, on hearing a lady singing in her bath, puts hie ear to the keyhole."—B.C.H. "Touchstone" writes: There is a time" to use. "compare to" and a time to use "compare with." In the sense of suggesting or stating a similarity, compare is COMPARE TO. regularly followed by "to" and not by "witli." In the sense of examining or setting forth the details of a supposed similarity or of estimating its degree, compare is regularly followed by "with" and not "to." Fowler writes: "He compared me to Demosthenes means that he suggested I was comparable to him or put me in the same class; he compared me with Demosthenes means that he instituted a detailed comparison or pointed out where and how far I resembled or failed to resemble him. Accordingly, the preposition in each of the following is the one required by idiom: Hi; compared the noi.se to thunder;" the lecturer compared the British field gun with the French; the effect of a trumpet blast on the ear :3 comparable to that of scarlet, on the eye; Shakespeare is hardly comparable with Milton; compared with (or to) him I am a bungler. After the intransitive verb (a boiled mullet cannot compare with a baked one) 'with' alone is possible."

Readers of this column may recall I "Francoii*,"' my Parisian friend who'was here lin March. He returned from Australia last week, and burst into my HARD LINES. bedroom this morning. At this juncture I fear that I have come under the observation of ; the "Grim Reaper," and each time that I doze (between sneezin? and coughing I sec him I beckoning with a boneless forefinger, saying. "Come on. pop. you're next." Xone of' you , has had 'flu like mine or you wouldn't have I troubled to have it at all! Such cheerful chaps lin this—cr—er— "Guest House." "Hallo, old chap, not dead yet?"' etc. (but I fear that I digress, as usual). Francois gabbled. "O la, la, vy you look so ver' sick, shall I order ze cremate or ze long box for you, mv fren' 1 I 'ad a great time in Sydney'and Melbourne, but ze peoples are too smart for me over zero. Anzac Day I vas in ze park, seemed like millions of people. I gif 'arf my stool to a lovely brunette, and, of course.''ad to hold her on. Ven ze parade fineesh ve valk a j little vay. and she say. 'My fren'. zere's a j bee on your collar.' She grabbed it vid her • handkerchief. I zank her. Zen, suddenly, she j cry. 'Zere'n my sister.' and she ran like a . gazelle. On reaching my hotel, I find zat my diamond scarf pin. zat Adele gave me on I our vedding <]>\y, v«s n-onc! Igoto ze police. ■ 'You know the lady:" asked zo inspector. 'Xo,' I tell "im. 'I never saw 'er before' 'Veil, take it from inc. brother, you vill novaire see "or again.' Vot did 'e moan? In Melbourne von j I go from ze boat, a man. vair respectable. 1 say. 'Cnrry your bug. sir.' As cot was Vavv. I "and it to "im. He wont into a small courtyard. I look down. 'I' , , "ad disappeared, and I shall nevairo see my valisp again. Vot do you tink?" ''.My word. Francois." I sympathised with him. "yon have had a rough spin." "Mais. oni. my fren', in Xew Zealand I lost iiussink. and ze laugh at me, or p'raps vid me. Your vorking man vill soon 'ave ze lot, and ven 'e "as spent it zere vill be no more. Zen. a new Government vill say, 'Poor man, ve vill look after you,' and stick him dce|>er in ze mud. Zis is a funnee country, but I like it ver' mooch. Ze dames '." j "Oh, shut up, Francois." I said sharply, "you J always seem to forget your missus in Paris."— A.A.P. WHISTLING IN THE DARE. Wo wish to deny That stranse Tory lip. That Labour is bustled or worried; That Walter's late dash To London for cash Was even the slightest bit hurried. The bank returns show Our funds runnintr low. And doubtless you don't understand it; Hut cease all your fuss. And take it from us That everything's just as we planned it. I The railways, I know. I A deficit show: But all that I say is. what of it? I have in my brain A way to explain How they've made a sizeable profit With funds proins - phut. All imports we cut. And as for importers, we flout them;' But don t dare to sisrh For thinsrs we deny: You know, you're far better without them. Our critics heap scora On our plight forlorn But we know a way to outwit them; The heart never breaks At all our mistakes. So lonsr as we never admit them. j —SIXBAD. !A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Earth must fade away from our oves and we must anticipate, that groat and'-oleum. truth, which we shall not fully understand till we stand before God in judgment, that to ' us there a>e but two beings in the whole ! world, God and ourselves. The sympathy of ; others, the pleasant voice, the glad eve.' the. -iniling countenance, the thrilling heart* which at present are our very life, all will be away from Uβ when Christ come* in judgment. Every one will have to think of himself.— . J. H. Xewmanfe Apologia. |