THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 105, 6 May 1939, Page 8

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) The chap in the next bedroom wanted to borrow my safety razor, so being in mv usual distressful financial condition ! sold it to him for six [m'nee. I had lwen BLUNT BLADES, through my stock of used blades, the edges of which were no sharper than the edge of the ace of spades, lly hirsute growth was stuhhlv and very piebald (as one would expect at seventylive). So I hurried into Mount Kden lioad and bought a packet of blades. My heart missed a beat—l had '•burnt my boats." and 1 tried to shave by holding the* blade l>etween finger and thumb (you try it!). Mv landladv had (given me a terrible shaking up: she objects to being referred to as such, instructing me. when mentioning her in an article to use the term 'hostess. The dear. good creature never renietnliers whether I have paid mv weeklv board or not. as T pay on any odd'dav. anil I really think that lam ahead of it. I shod bitter tears on being scoldcd. which. nwins to my hideous growth of stubble, ran all sorts of ways (like a permanent wave)', some drops settling in my ears, the remainder gathering in the corners of my mouth—quite saltv. too which is odd. as my diet does not permit salt. One day I hope to ]><> shaved bv a real barber and sit in a comfv padded chair. I shall feel like Rothschild then.—A.A.P. I notice in the ' Star" that a world-famous entrepreneur has passed through Auckland en route to America in search of "death-defying acts ami ones that wiil CIRCUS TALENT. pro<lueo plenty <»f thrill?, *]>i!l<* an<! lnuphter." R;it why nro so far n fiHri ? I would in all soriow*ii(v« that ho ran |ir<M*iirc all the talent he requires for a circus of the highest class in Xew Zealand. All the highlights of the sawdust ring from legerdemain to lmckjumping can be had from our own Cabinet Ministers. I nfortunately. Mr. "W ii'tli has missed making an arrangement with Mr. Xash on the spot", but as they are fellow travellers on the Monterey, iio doubt a contract will be made for Mr. Xash to give his world-famous insulated exchange illusion and money-spinuin?-act on his return. The encore—if there is to l>e oik —seems largely in the hands of London financial cirr»Vs. but it could be that pleat illusion act of the Xash trouj>e of importers on their uppers, selling their invisible goods to a hungry public. front-seat house of manufacturers eould he relied on. This could l>e followed hv Mr. Savage's star act of speaking for half an hour, and, like Brer Babbit, saying "nuffin."' This should appeal to the "gods." He might also be induced to give that touching little act of accepting „ biscuit from the fair hands jof the lass that baked it. Then Mr. Semple could gallop in with his mechanised "Wild West Show" of the great "Dozer"' tribe, with outriders of electric wheelbarrows, manned bv | stalwarts of the Public Works Department, entering the Homer tunnel. An attack in force by Bed Indians led by Mr. Hamilton is now in order. After a gallant capture, the whole Cabinet troupe could be "put through the hoops*' to the strains of the National Anthem. As a grand finale, the Ministerial troupe of contortionists could appear in tights or territorial uniforms, made in Xew Zealand of Xew Zealand wool, in their "Good-night Melody"--"Everything will be O.K. if you have it to me," with flute obligato supported by the big drums. Tt seems almost worth while to radio to Mr. Wirth what he has inis<ed, but possibly Mr. Xash will tell him all about it over an "eleven o'clocker."— •T-.W.W. 1 _____ It's sometimes embarrassing to trace one's ancestors too far back. The history of mv fathers diking ancestors (now the clan MacLeod), except for a few SCOTS WHA HAE. odd centuries of wholesale pillaging, is not so bad. but when it comes to another branch of the fannh the Wallaces—oh mv, oh mv! Take Sir William Wallace, f'rinstance—look at the charges the man had preferred against him . ou, William Wallace, a Scot, having been taken prisoner for sedition, homicides. depredations, fires, felonies How can T go on? .lust listen to the judge's remarks at lr.- trial (?) on August 2:!. "You. ! illia :ii Wal ace. objj\ ious of \ our oath <>f fealty ami allegiance, did attack village- and town-; and c.istlcs. hold Parliaments 'I'd "it h your acco'iiplico invade Xorthtimbci la n<l. etc., aml did burn ami kill evervone who i[-<■<! tin- Engi;>l, tongue, soaring neither r-cx nor age. monk nor nun. did carry vour standard against the King, did despise' his offers and were outlawed as a thief and a felon, and as it is contrary to the law of England that any outlaw should be "allowed to answer in 1;■ defence, your sentence is ." And yet in 1572 three of this same Wallace mans de-cendants slipped into this country unnoticed by the police—one of them having charged with the Light Brigade, marrie<l to his (my aunt) Olivia—not, of course, the Olivia <i» Haviland of that splendid film. Yes. and their names are to be seen to-day on Lor<l Ranfurly's roll of honour! Rut let's get hack to the courtroom (actually Westminster Hall). The judge is in no mood for jokes— I he truly takes a stern view: "Your sentence is that you shall be carried from here to the Tower, then to Aldgate, and so through the City to Smithfield. and, for your robberies, homicides :i;id felonies, yon shall lie there hanged and drawn, and. as an outlaw, beheaded (they wanted to be certain) and afterwards, for your burning of churches, shall l»e burned, a"d your head shall be placed on London Bridge, in sight both of land and water travellers, ami your quarters hung on gibbets at Xewcastle. Berwick, Sterling and Perth, to the terror of all who pass by. . . ." Xo Borstal for Sir William, no probation—not even the bagpipes. Well, as I said, he had it coming to him — but it's all very embarrassing to our family.—MacClure. HATS OFF! The dairyman pockets his guaranteed price. With which ho is furnished by Government bounty: And though lie moans sometimes about the amount, lie Considers the scheme, on the whole, rather nice. The poor old taxpayer is meeting the toll: The dairyman's drawing a sort of a pension. Such is the effect of the vaunted invention Bv which farming industry's put on the dole. The fruitgrower smiles as his apples he picks. His cases of Jonathan say. or Delicious: The Government ever lends ear to his wishes. A price for his overseas shipments to fix. It s true he finds freedom is onlv a name. And he must observe everv new regulationlet see him expressiner. without hesitation. The guaranteed price is a marvellous game! The sheep farmer eyes his diminishing cheque. With which he must meet ever-rocketin" i prices: " I Of every new Government measure the ' spice is . duejt -T or sure - in t!ie np( - k - s Yet see him all gallantlv spurning the plea Of those who would counsel a servile submission: Xo matter how startlingly grave his position He may not grow rich, but he'd rather he lree - —SIX RAD. A THOUGHT FOR TODAY, There is no tree in the world so thornv or so gnarled or so knotty that men cannot smooth it and polish it and trim it and make it fair to see; and even so, there k not a j man in this world so wicked or so great a ' sinner that Cod cannot convert him and adorn I him with singular graces and manifold <nfts of wine.—Th® Little Flowers of St. Francte. •