"Orderly Room in the Morning?"

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 35, 11 February 1939, Page 11 (Supplement)

"Orderly Room in the Morning?"

if NOT ACCEPTED

; DIGGER'S PRIVILEGE , CJOMK people are happy only , when ° 'they are hiking, and-it would seem-.; ■ 4 that Diggers 'are hajppy only when they' are moaning* We ; *ll did our share of; .!, complaining when on ..active- service. Everything had" ite faults. If' the .wea* , ther wasn't • too hot' it was too cold.'. I - The uniforms were either too large or ; { too .email: -The same 'applied to boots, .'.. socks and. underwear. ~. Rifles, too ' heavy, marches top?' long, and thevfoodff ■ T-fcoly devils! . - . (tad would thi»k> after listeningto some of -hoys,, that the British Army ..'•if'as "the worst • founded in the | . World,' which was really a\ long -way ■ -'jirom the truth. The strangest part of <$he jtfhole business was that when condijtlohswere really bad, as they were sometimes, no complaints were made. i'.One incident which has remained fast : iSi.my memory occurred when we were camping alongside Grevilliere. Refreshments were short at the time. The )%• were complaining bitterly when i oM of them, rummaging about in the • town, uncovered a dozen large bottles S' of champagne. The finder seemed quite 1 happy about his discovery until he read i the labejs, whereupon he exclaimed in lan aggrieved tone: "What . lousy | luck! It's only 1900 vintage!" J ' —12-BAR.

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•_4, THE executive of the New Ze«'t * land Disabled Soldiers' Wel- : 1 A.fare Association has refused to *;?' accept the resignation of its ' : .|» -esident, Mr. W. A. Clinton, A whoha»a*ra*d to carry oiv the I appointment of Mr. David Baatson as chairman of committees making this possible.

THE GUIiELESS GUARD

ftIHE guard on duty at Featherston A ; brain camp- did not seem to be at .ease, even when he decided to rest at ease," and his time was as much taken up with watching the guardroom to see if he #aa going to be relieved as it was given to watching his front. A-i dapper looking officer and sergeant P ThT guard bid them'both good day, but forgot the necessary salute. The sergeant, a little in the rear of the officer, frowned, and went through a mimic salute. . . . . The guard mistook his signs tor a request for a cigarette, and immediately produced a packet and held them towards the sergeant, who recoiled as though it was a packet of death adders. , The officer had probably experienced the like before, or something similar, and in the goodness of bis heart failed to make capital out of it. So: Know your duties, guard?" he asked. "Yes." The sergeant formed the word "sir" with his lips, and the guard, for a wonder, understood and added the. "sir." "What are your duties?" "Salute you blokes if I see any pips on your shoulder, and a proper Sam Brown on, an' kid to a sergeant-major I am going to give him one." . . >g The sergeant by this time was cutting all kinds of capers behind the officer's back, and wringing his hands in despair. The Officer: Anything else, guard? "Yes. Look after all Bill Massey's. property within sight. See nobody pinches anything off my beat, and call out the guard- as -soon- as I- think my mates are asleep, and—" Officer: Carry on, guard. L.V.M., 16th Coy., 2nd A.1.8.

TALK WITH GERMANS The "Mushroom" Incident T WAS very interested in the account on "Our Page" for January 7 of an informal talk we had with-Fritz on the morning •of June 12, 1916, as I was a member of the platoon manning the "muehjoom" at the time. The message mentioned "by- the writer was painted in German' on a large piece of heesian and fastened on to two poles, which were held ,by two men with the canvas well above the parapet for Fritz to read. At that time the Saxons were opposite us, and had the reputation of being

the least warlike or the enemy troops. It wits not long before they were up above 'their parapet and we above ours, barracking each other. One of our men could apeak some German, and had an opportunity to try it out.- Fritz scored when,; someone called out, "It's a long way to Berlin," and received the answer in good English, "Yes, but not so far to London." After the talk was over I rescued the canvas with the message on, anil-kept it for over a month, waiting a chance to get it posted home as a souvenir. It was in my bivvy doing duty as a pillow when I was wounded in July, and I never saw it. again. The sequel to this informal armistice took place later on - the same day. "Bobby" Young, got to hear of it, and

came up to the' "mushroom" with some of ..his staff and gave, us-a proper dressing down in language more forcible than polite. I ,remember him saying, "That's not what you are here for; if you see a Hun shoot him." Lieutenant Bernau was our officer at the time, and came in. for his share of the "blast," though when the affair took place he was asleep in his dugout, and knew nothing about it. He had been up all night, and had turned in at stand-down. The two officers responsible—Major Row was not there, if my memory serves me right—were well out of it, though I expect they got told off later. The Saxons' action must have been disapproved of, too. They were withdrawn very Boon afterwards, and the Bavarians, I think it was, took over from them. In any case, things livened up very much round Armentieree, and there was no longer any question about whether to talk to the Hun or shoot at him if the opportunity arose. —H.S., 6/2763. ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Whiz Bangs!

Officer (inspecting sentry in Flanders): "What are you here for?" "To report anything unusual, sir." " What tvould you call unusual?" • "I dunno exactly, sir." " What would you do if; you saw five battleships steaming across that field yonder?" "Sign the pledge, sir!"