THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 34, 10 February 1939, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

'>■• (By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) LEE FOR BRACE. On the eve of a. Government caucus some body left a pramful of twins at the doors o: 't Parliament House. The twins were addressee c to the Minister of Housing and "were left as ; ,t : protest against the delay in providing then iwitlr a' State l house: b' j "The Nationals;' snid : Mickey bold, i ' "lib' everything to- balk us,1 ' Particularly when We lioid d An l honest dinkum-caucus;-Tlie'y think it' is a. clever" gag ' To cat'clv bur'members .drowsing Bv writing on a parcel tag ■'The Minister- of Housing-.' Admittedly'if should 1 not pro Td- Jones (of sun and sabre). But! rcaddressod (it .should tie stressed), 'The" Minliiter of Labour"." —B.C.H. A friend of mine just returned from th< King Country has been telling me of a gate he glimpsed during his'travels. It-stands ai ' the entrance drive of J NOTICES. minor Maori potentate and lias two notice; painted upon it. On one side is a peremptorj "Xo Admittance) Whatsoever"; on the other "Please .Shut the' Gate." Reminds me of the parents who had high hopes for their lirst-bon son. He was bound, they felt-sure, to be s doctor, an accountant'; or even a great scientist. The lirst thing to be done; was tc give him a name he Could live up to; some 5 tiling distinguished but refined. Thoy pesterct their relatives and scanned telephone directories without success. The name eludee' 1 them for days until they passed- by the opci - door of a business Jinn in the city. On one j flap was printed flic word "Xosmo,'\ on tlit y other the word "King." The very thing! > ; They christened baby the following day. It ' ri was unfortunate that when' flftcy next passed the door the two flaps were shut. It now ' bore the simple legend, "No Smoking.'"—C.P.H, i | I strolled up Queen Street'with liiy friend j from Paris, who is doing the "grand' four.' 1 r Francois hasn't much English, but he is easy to follow. "Ah/voihi. zero DON'T BOIL 'EM. she is!" he remarked •' whilst looking at a fruit ,■ riioj)|s display. "What do yon refer to?" 3 ~ inquired. ""Ze potato, 'iiiidrcds and 'undred? . of zem. Ze poinmos frits on pommes saute are voir naice, but ze boil potato, oh, la, la, vy you spoil ze good vegetable? I take my ! lunch in ze beeg hotel. I say, 'Garcon, please ; no boil potato.' Ze young man answer me. j 'My name ain't Gussy" it's George.' I explain garcon means vataire in France." He say, 'Go ahead, Frenchy, give your order.' I feeaish ze vair good food and pay, offering ze vataire a. pourboir of six sous. He say, 'Keep it, you may want' it more than I do!' I not understand, so give ze small coin again to my pocket." I was greatly amused at this long recital, and asked, "What do you think of our shops?" "Vair good show, audi ze price marked is vair 'onest. Mon ami, vos dames I sout niagnifinuc!" (I had been expecting this critique so natural to a Parisian.) He con- : turned, "But so beejr; ze ladies in i'.tris' are ! most petite, mais zey 'aye not ze soft features I of ze Xcw Zealand ladies, and so mooch fair 'air. Ze blonde has ze floor, I should say." I "What about, the men?" I inquired. "Vair j fine, beeg fellows, bat no style. Zey inoost ; *pend all ze moneys on ze wives and daiigh- | taires." "Perhaps you are right. Francois," [ if agreed. "Care for the pictures?" I inquired. | "Mais, pui, your cinema is better than ours, ; and not risque from Xew Zealand to amu6e j all ze peoples and offend no runs. I saw tree padres in a cinema last night and zey simply . shouted yjd laughing. Eet was good to see, anon Aini; I 'ope next, year to bring my vife • .itp Auckland; ze costumieres show so nice j gqwjis as la Rue du Rivoli. P'raps' zey are French zcniselve;" "Don't you TiclievV it, ; Francois; the Xew Zealand women have as discriminating taste as any Frenchwoman where dress is concerned."—A.A.P. Old Alf and I gazed westward; "A man couldn't swim to Aussie—it's over a thousand miles, anyway,"-I said. In silence we walked along the rielgc to Cape CAPE REINGA. Reinga. whence, nccoreling to Maori legend, the souls of the dead depart. "There's no way to get out of the country now that they've wired in Grafton Bridge," I said. Thoroughly dopev, we sat on the rocky ridge of Haunm and idly watched the souls of the dead clamber over the bank and drop into the tideway. From .a ; t6usled .mass of seaweed one of them waved back to us before he shot under. "Used to live at Orakei," Alf remarked, and, at mention of their old ancestral home, came a terrible wailing from the'depths. "That's the Mihitangata," I said. We walked across to the spirits' leaping place. "Miki settled that Orakei 'business," Alf said. "Yes." I replied. "It's funny, though. Those Orakei Maoris' ancestors came over in the original canoes, the Arawa, Ta.inni '." "I knew a Labour joker came out hero in the Tainui—on her maiden voyage, 190!)— look, Mac, a canoe— perhaps that's one of them phantom ones—like what appeared at Tarawera before the eruption —maybe we're' sitting on top of an active volcano now. It wouldn't ]>c . one of them original canoes, would it?" " "Original -canoes? Why, that's Miki and Walta in. it—they only •arrived here the other day, comparatively speaking." '-'They've been darned busy since, anyway. I wonder what they're snooping around for?" "Perhaps they're going to start' a State Soulery," I said. Miki saw us, paddled ashorej and looked at us suspiciously. "What's ,tihe game, Mac?" Miki challenged." I pointed overhead to the godwits off on their long journey to Siberia. "Wish I oould fly; too," I. said. Then I told him how his army of inspectors had swoo.pcd down on our "Home Bru" factory and insisted on sampling every bottle; how, afterwards, we buried 'em, sold the empties, and''hoppe<l it. He laughed. "Me and Walta got a tip that a. lot of jokers arc slipping out of the country this way disguised -as souls,"-he said. '"Thought we'd investigate." A ghostly procession was approaching, their wailing blending with the wild requiem of the sea fowl overhead. Wc watched their ghostly lingers grope for. and grasp, the roots of a venerable pohutukawa on the - liriuk as thcyj lowered themselves into the swirling ocean •below. ' "They're from Orakei—their ancestral home; you've disturbed 'cm. Miki," I said. "Disturbed who?" came old Alf's voice from under the blanket*. "Forget it," I said, stretching.—MacCliire.

PAY UP! • The time has come, my vfead&rs all, whatever your variety. , When you must bow your heads beneath the kpen edge ot the axe; In other words, perform your dues as members of society, And look as pleasant as you can while paying income tax. ' I know the burden's rather large—our allwise Labour Government Has sot itself the task to cure the world of - all its ills. They gather praise at your expense—as bread. is for the oven meant. So you have been created for the task of T>ayinpr bills. They're going on and unward-wilh n hundred schemes magnificent. And protests of taxpayers all are treated as a joke; . Their mirnose is inllevUjlc—but say. what 5s ' that whirr I scent? Don't tell mo thjit their choicest-plan is going up in smoke! i Meanwhile, however, you cannot expect a bit ot latitude — ■ i' The sun still shines for Labour, so the l 1 Government makes hay; ] The only thing I can suggests a! philosophic ' attitudePay . and look pleasant if you ■ can, but [ otherwise just pay! —SINBAD. I