THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 33, 9 February 1939, Page 10

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) A remarkable group of Roman potterj has been discovered in recent excavations at Colchester, England. It includes cups and jugs. Not long ago a HISTORY similar discovery wa; IN ADVANCE, made in the vicinity ol London when workmen unearthed two Roman drinking bowk and twc skulls. The general opinion concerning this find is that it is a grim relic of the fate oi two Roman topers who had recklessly disregarded the landlord's warning of "Tempus homines!" Of course in ages to come workmen will be diggin? up all sorts of interesting thing* in Xew Zealand. For instance, in the vear 20S0 the ri*ev,s papers might well come tc light with: "Workmen while excavating in Wellington preparatory to commencing the two hundred and fiftieth attempt at the erection ~>f a Social Security building, discovered piece* if an ancient machine known as a 'bulldozer'." 3r: "Digging operations in Queen Street have brought to light a strange glass drinking ressel capable of holding a full Imperial pint, [t appears that long ago these vessels actually lid hold a pint. Alongside the treasure a small three-cornered slab of some unknown hard material was found. After careful etudv the curator of the museum has declared it to be an unwanted Mhdwieh dating back to the days of counter lunches." —B.C.H. In contradistinction to other members of my family, who occupy Friday afternoon in patrolling the shops to purchase eundry gadgets that they do not WATERY EYES, actually require. I entered the Public Library. With my customary consideration for the comfort >f other readers, I was wearing rubber-soled Oioes. but. mallipiireiispinent. my heavv oak walking stick deliberately disengaged ' itself from my hand, and with a nerve-racking •latter, fell to the bare boards. The wretched thing delilKM-ately rocked itself from ferrule .0 handle for quite a period, and. as I stooped to repossess it, I glanced around fearfully. Angry eyes met me in every direction. I felt like a jockey who, riding 'a screaming hot favourite, had carelessly thrown away a race. f quickly picked up a* copy of a "Bombay (India) journal, and chanced on an unusual article, "The Onion and Its Countless Merits": 'When eaten raw it brightens the eye, relieves neurasthenia, cures dyspepsia, and is an antilote to insomnia. When peeled it gives ofl in odour of strong ammonia, hence the eyes water." From personal experience I find that it keeps one's creditors at a distance, and when ?aten freely, together with ample libatione of whisky, causes the wife to express the wish that she had never married. Even when ittending a judgment summons, an onion iddict gets ample room in the crowded courthouse.—A.A.P. Dear M.A.T.,—Being a constant reader of rour column, "W.G.P.V article "Wives Xote" recalls an incident that occurred some years >„„.,.- a go not one hundred miles AKRANT away from Waihi. The iIU&BANDS. local police sergeant wa.? , , , , away for a few davs. and nonstable X. was left in charge: Bob" was a prisoner doing seven days for his first offence (not of dishonesty or anything really bad). Bob was a good fellow. Mrs. Constable X. lib" l W 5 y , T *V, X , weeks ' holida r> and, wifeWee, had left all the cake tins well stocked. \. Jived a mile away from the station and took Bob home to tea and arranged with his mate, Constable Z., to come up that night tor cards and to deliver Bob back to quarters .fterwards. It was a great night, and a mMiSS? *"l PriS ° ner Bob - Ro,,nd about on' B °K :? e detai,ed t0 requisition a oup e more bottles of X.'s potent home brew vnW r*\ e U, V\ ny SU,>per t0 be found - Bob thing in cloistered stillneee. Bob was in his .im vIV-/ ? that had nearl - v don « *>r r: n not seen any eign of Constable K found / inTd Hurr .™S nex * door. \. round A. m bed, also moaning. His face -•a* pea-green. On arriving home° at mfdsay X. at once, investigated and discovered that now when she's away on leave. His unsteady gait betrayed the fact that •p was li a few sheets in the wind." By the ime he had stumbled carefully into the"tram 1760 ANn ATT a 'i d ta . kp " the seat °PP<»1769 AND ALL. site mine it was apparent that he was decidedlv •lorry and sparking on all cylinders. Turning n ins scat and addressing ~,e » e «.i- p ;7 •rightly -What an, If "What'are vou- I '(•hoed -Now let me see." came his replr. Oh. now I know, I am a 'pommie'." "Aha*" •ymiwthUed. -you're English. I think that ,',"«- l"V" nne is most unfortunate, don't ''.°"; '*°< he said simply. "I like it lou-re a pig islander." "Thanks a lot," I minted. 1 know why you're a pig islander?" 10 inquired. "Well, I'll tell you, anywav. One lay when Captain Cook was sailing 'in the outh Pacific the ship's boy. Young Nick, sudlenly sighted land. <Land-ho!' shouted Xick .aptam Cook, who was having his breakfast it the time, rushed up the companionwav with mlf a sausage in one hand. 'Xix. Xick/quoth -ook, taking a bite at his sausage. 'I can't ee any land.' 'Look, look, Captain Cook,' minted Xick, 'see the tattoo marks on the of that Maori girl on the beach?' 'Yes. -es,' exclaimed Cook. 1 see her now. Good )oy. Xick, here's ten bob for you.' When lie anded. however, Captain Cook'was confronted vitll a depressing picture—the land was >arren and desolate and the natives were tarving. 'Xo wonder they call it Poverty Jay, , he said, eyeing the A.A. signpost. He lashed back to the ship in his outboard and vhen he reached the deck he roared, 'Xick. come quick!' 'Here, sir. at your service,' ame the ready response. 'X'ick, that's a terible place we've discovered. There's no picture heatre and the natives are starving. Better end a few pigs ashore for them.' 'Very good. ir.' 'Oh, and Xick .' 'Yes, sir?' Give ne back that ten bob!"'—Uncle Joe. CHE PERSISTENT DREAMER. A crisis now stares In Budget affairs. But see how the leaders receive it; For Nash seems to know Funds are running low. But Savage will never believe it. Supreme in each great Financial debate. You must admit "Walter is cleverHe knows tliat the year For caution is here: But Mickey's as airy as ever. For onttiner a dash Koli Semnle wants cash. And Savage would never deny it; But Nash must de-flare The cupboard is bare— New Zealand waits now for the riot. And so. on these lines. We see certain signs The gloriovs spree now is ending. tor Walter, it seems. Has cut down his schemes But Mickey's still dreaming of spending —SINBAD.'