HAPPY ENDINGS

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 29, 4 February 1939, Page 5 (Supplement)

HAPPY ENDINGS

For Women

S the tides, yafter"boldly flooding the main borders of the trfj cree P silently in to the hidden bays, so there-are few of the phases and problems of modern life that do not, in time, ; invade our - comparatively faraway community. • Aiiy legislation making for easier separation and ultimate divorce , must be classed amongst* the truly humanitarian; for there is probably no greater, suffering caused to the .individual, and to society, than that brought about by 1 men and women drifting into a state of- ■ marital incompatibility. But the casing of clilliculties in settling wrong, relationships also, by the. law of con-, sequence, breeds 1 hosts . of minor: problems. For.- it • follows ithafc if -condi- i lions for separation'arc made easy, and: . there is no stigma attached to the divorced person; people ' will magnify! the* smallest-matters of difference, and; part company- in moments of boredom or temper. . . ■: It is to pr.event tlie chaotic social. conditions that . may follow 011 such j trivial differences that courts of domestic relations have been set up in . other j countries j and our - Minister of Justice proposes to * institute something similar here, v: There are many people, of course, who ask: "What is the use of trying to settle differences once they have begun— tlie affair might as well go oil to its logical .conclusion." Others of more scientific-mind advocate; training schools for marriage* and so, oh. But it is very unlikely-that the most important phase of life, which is really rather mystic and complicated, will ever be settled

By - - Bart Sutherland

with such exactitude. Then there arc the old-fashioned people who don't like the idea of bringing intimate problems before the cold judicial eye and mind. » They ask sentimentally if the matter could not be smoothed over by some understanding older relation or friend. But relations and friends may be divided into two classes: First, the fairly bold, who do not shrink from ' conflict. ; These are rarely unbiased; they keep j to their own side of the aisle, as they • did at the marriage ceremony, "bride or : bridegroom?" They do not shrink from ■ provoking a positive world war over the i matter, and it is no wonder, in the ; war of attrition 011 tlie nerves that 5 follows, if a life-long breach does occur • between the original combatants. The i second, and far larger class, are craven, • accept confidences with embarrassment, assure the injured one that he must not expect too much of life, and leave it at that. But it is just these little differences that make life a poor frct--1 ful thing, when it could be so serene 1 and satisfying. Altogether, a good case could be . made out for seeking advice from somes one outside the battle. Even in ages . when very definite beliefs and rules of • conduct were held, the confessional s gave balm to numbers of tortured souls. : How much, then, do tlie people of today—who go along at such a speed

Domestic Relations Courts

that they hardly know what they are doing—want some sustenance from wiser souls! It wilt be an interesting job—that of an\ arbitrator; and it is to be hoped that a few wise men will be included on the bench—or whatever it's called. There will be needed worldly wisdom and humour; but not too much humour, of course. "What a scope for being puckish! There are traditional causes for the minor marital differences, such as heavy pie-cruet; crying babies; and differences over household management and money. They can all be classed broadly under the headings of temperament, and held within the octopus grip of that modern word, economics. I'or sheer temperament Lord Byron would be hard to beat; it is said that he could not bear to sec a woman eating. Of course, his Lordship was an unusual man, and he settled his problems originally; he did not engage in any long-term contracts. But many of us more ordinary mortals are equally nerve-wracked by peculiarities of habit and conduct. What would a judge advise in such a case? To put a screen round the offender. Someone once did this to Dr. Sam Johnson, who was not an elegant feeder. llr. Pepvs, amongst matters of historical moment, meticulously records the little differences he had with his wile; and they might be written as allegories of the trials of the average man and woman. He had his economic troubles: "I took occasion to be angry with my wife before I rose, about her puttingup of half a crown of mine in a paper

box, which she had forgot where she had lain it." And those of temperament (though one might be inclined to call it sheer male cantankerousness): '■'Somewhat vexed at my wife's > neglect in leaving, of her scarf, waistcoat and iii«ht dressings in the coaok to-day, though I confess she did give them to mo to look after, yet it was her fault not to see that I did take them out of tlie&coach." What could an arbitrator do" about that but laugh? But Samuel had his real troubles: "Annoyed that my wife do not keep herself neater, now that she has two maids." Good occasion for a homily there! How many a woman, as dainty as a flower before marriage, doesn't care a rap when she's got her man! Again, on a journey: 4 'At last she began, poor wretch, to be tired, and I angry at it, but I was to blame, for she Is* a very good companion as long as she is well." Mrs. Pepys was the prototype, surely, of the lady of our present-day advertisements, who is too tired to go to the pictures with her husband until she takes a popular tonic and all is well! An easy solution for the court in such a easel _ But there were no domestic courts in Caroline days, so Samuel developed some wisdom. After one of the many recorded tiffs, he says: "But we were friends again, as we are always." Most of us are like that. We realise, with the Chinese writer, Lin \utang, that "every man, from emperor to butcher, baker and candlestick maker, has scolded his wife and been scolded by ] lC r"—we have to accept life as it is. But there are others who are not adept at this. They make a lovely dream of life as it should be, and when the dream breaks, ilee panic-stricken from their problems. It is all, as Barrie said, rather sad; but, in that evil hour, would it not be better to turn to a stranger who can deal with the case objectively than to run to someone whose eyes are blinded by love? In spite of romantic tales, a rational judgment, rather than a personal, emotional settlement,- is far more likely to lead to the happy ending. All women should welcome a trial of these courts of domestic relations.