Random Shots

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 17, 21 January 1939, Page 17 (Supplement)

Random Shots

For over a year the inmates of the gaol of a • small American 4 town have . been, three warders and one prisoner. The tragedy of the affair is that one of the warders dpesnH seem able to pick up bridge. + + # • + + . A man appearing on the American music-hall stage swallows every description of metal wire. He is particularly fond of a mixed grille. + + + + . 'An archaeologist confesses to being puzzled by some markings which he has found on an old piece of granite. He inclines to the opinion that they were made by a prehistoric tax collector trying to get blood out of a stone. + + + + A man told a magistrate that the Sunday joint his wife bought could have ■ been wrapped in a tram ticket. But surely it might have fallen. through the hole punched by the conductor? " + +• + "I'm prepared to tack my. motor car against any other," boasts a motorist. Our sympathies arc all with the person who Tanks immediately behind him. + + • + ■+" • A boxer became an auctioneer. We suppose that he'll get out of the habit, of: "saying: "Going, going, "oing, going, going, going, going, going, going— GONE!" '1 ' '"" The only time a cocktail should be drunk, a doctor tells us, is just before dining. No doubt; but six or seven dinners a day are apt give one indigestion.

A journalist describes an article by a heavy-weight boxer as one which he should like to have written himself. The same thought probably occurred to the boxer. ■

The" Hero According to an American expert, mortality statistics show that being a baby is twice as dangerous as being a soldier on active service. ' Although I earn the censure Of all the bulldog breed, For perilous adventure Fve never felt a need; From any violent trouble I shrink in sheer disgust, Becoming (at the.double) Invisible for dust. Incorrigiblyweedy, For garttes I've no regard, Since tennis balls, are speedy And cricket balls are hard.' I feel no obligation To seek with' all my might A bubble reputation At back or inside-right. But even -.tcheqi- I'm shotting A total'lack of grit, • *■' .1 feel-a-pride.in knoicing That oii'jc I did my bit; To peril I'm no stranger, I f d have it understood— Once, facing untold danger, £ passed through babyhood.