For Women On Having Children

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 286, 3 December 1938, Page 4 (Supplement)

For Women On Having Children

NUMBERS of people have had children; in fact, the world has gone on that way, and numbers of people have said all sorts of hard and soft things about children their own children and those of other people; but there remains to be done a monumental work, a treatise: Having children. Why? Why not? And—er— what ?

By - - - Ruel de Cossey

The studv of human idiosyncrasies is niv full-time work; hut at tin- -iibject of children, we arc closer to the elemental and to t lie essential. Children ;ire not to he trifled with, neither in fiction nor in fact. Once upon « time, T was a child —and 1 have not forgotten the e\|icriciicc. Kelatives and older friends now look imck with me on that small «ul>ject myself in jokin; moods of ' adult - equality: hut my memory is loni:; I do not forget. Perhaps I am a child at heart, -hall always be a child heart. Now that in Man's estate I own the great right to conjure children from the infinity of Nature, i do not rush in where aiiL'cU fear to tread. Nay, I stay a bachelor, I ponder, and I give advice". Wrote Longfellow of children: — For what nre all our rontrivings. Ami the wisdom of our hooks. When compared with your <•» resses. Ami the jxlii 1111 ess ot' jiuir looks. That verse has brought many a good bachelor to the brink of matrimony. The appeal of the child is that it is a growing tiling. Fond parent* look forward, sanguinary, to the time of i finished growth. Those with crooked! nati-res view the bent twig with! satisfaction- while the upright are constantly "staking tip" the plant. What cherishing of those plants in the nurseries; sun and air and science — knowledge, wisdom, culture, are on tap

at every appropriate moment—unless that sloughing devil, indulgence, creeps in. Oh to be a child again—yea, less than a child, embryo in the "bourne of time and space." The following is how I should address my intended parents — not chosen: — "Dearly Beloved, about-to-be— "I am about to enter a place called the \ ale of (ears —and I am goinpr to ■jive you a little advice,, with the practical object of keeping my eyes comparatively dry. You, my beloved— you know so much, and expect so much; you are emotionally thrilled; and expect to enjoy long years of tutorship through mv infanthood; but the bootee is on the other foot, I believe. My advantage is this, that I am not yet born; hence I still see all life from the sphere of infinity : and I think, and I shall preach to you. accordingly. "First, why enter the world? Why make a debut in the Animal Kingdom?. Infinity is a good thing—there is 110 hungering here, no coldness, no distress (except of spirit) and, of course, no napkins. Why. I reiterate. lievin the material life? lint I have come to vou —it is ordained; and you are responsible. I come! The die is cast; ami it I leave my mark on the world ! remember, the design is yours; only the ! mark is mine. The moral i<: Kxpcct ! Not Too Much. "I'.ntering life, I shall immediately be -uiToundcd by and made the subject of trifles, irritations, institutions and relations 1 know not, and may not want to know, but I will have to bear the

L I i ~ ■ | //is some time since a contribution by this writer was received. ■ i J Since How To Be a Bachelor," "How To Marry" and "How i : < To Keep Married" were published, inquiries have been forwarded ! [ i regarding the author of them. One girl wrote: "Is Ruel de 1 ! Cossep a man or woman? More than half in our works say a ■ I J man, the others say a Woman. . . . He must be good looking, J i with appeal like his Work■ •• • The girls call him a peach and J • | a duck, the men an old married man with a family." Well, i j girls, here is the man himself! And as this article tells you, he S J ... but read it! ■ 9 m 1

acquaintance. It will be said I am young and plastic, susceptible to bright example; well, choose carefully the bright examples, but not those that hurt the eves. "1 will grow older and my young material mind will begin questioning. 1 shall ask: Why —-why you called me "out of the everywhere" into the restricting confines of our little family world. You will lightly yet gravely answer; and I shall seem to be eatisticd—but the question will remain a question: Why do people have children I mean—by matrimonial-physiological means? Could not children come more —shall I say, naturally? Under cabbages, or likewise? I repeat—Why? " There was all that bustle, importance and mystery surrounding the nativity. I came, I saw the light, I conquered breath! Instead of entering the world in the manner of a hero or heroine (that's the pinch), I arrive, and am bound and swathed; I must be coddled, and protected from the flies; I needs snooze and snooze and snooze, crow and gurgle and howl, feed and snooze, enooze, snooze —rattle a rattle, enunciate "Miimrr,"' "Dar dar"—and, oh heavens, "ive me a cabbage! I repeat—Why? Nature, I declare, is an over-rated system. ",\nd then—Why not? That is 1 be difficulty. Only " an added word— "Not." If it were a case of "Not" perhaps you would lie lonely; you both would pine; you would quarrel, separate and pursue the ephemeral variety—and I should not conic. Husband, old and crusty, would put lime

about his cabbages; and Wife would boil the myth for dinner. Ah, the injustice of Nature, her inconsistencies! Some cry why, and some why not? It is all very sad. "Why not from my angle?— Why •should I come ? Tch, tch, I waive the point. I come, folks, on these conditions : — '"That you do not spare the rod to spoil me; that you eschew all absurdities that say: Let the child develop by smashing things, by won't-ing and don'ting, and bv being in general a pest to family society. "That you take child-psychology in small doses. (There never was and there never will be, a child-psychologist over the age of 14 years; but the kind, firm hand of parenthood is with us always—and should at times be on us). "That you see me not so much as the reflection of yourselves, but the very mirror. "That you live and laugh with me on a common friendly plane. "That you do not destroy my ideals, but try to bend the best of the world to my view. "That, in short, in having children, you try to be a child yourself. "We can then agree."