LAUGH WITH THE WORLD

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 226, 24 September 1938, Page 15 (Supplement)

LAUGH WITH THE WORLD

WHERE wm a tremendous noise in the theatre as the curtain fell. 'J lie stage manager appeared. "They're calling for the author," said lie. "Oh, but I can't make a speech!" replied the man who had written the play. The manager grabbed the trembling author and pualied him towards the curtain. "Well, the least you can do is to go out in front and tell the people you're sorry."

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ AS the singer guest rose to leave the hostess said: "Pray, don't go yet, Mr. Basso; I want you to sing something for me." "Oh, you must excuse me to-night; it is very late and I should disturb the neighbours. "Never mind the neighbours; they poisoned our dog yesterday." ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ rrHE rector, walking over his stinburnt lawn, said to his old gardener: "Everything looks terribly dried up, Jacob; I think I shall pray for rain to-morrow. And the old Juan replied: Don't think me interferin'. sir, hut it ain't much u«o praying for rain with the wind in the north!

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ "VfR. PUTTER was dining at the golf M club and was ama/e<l to see his wife in cap and apron approaching the table to take his order. "I knew you wouldn't object to my getting a job here, Harold," she said. "Its so nice to see you sometimes."

ii A NT) how is your brother getting along, Sandy? You know, the one who became a doctor?" "D'ye ken, he's so weel off now that he kin even afford tae tell some o' hi 3 patients there's nothing wrang wi' them."

THIRST Old Gentleman: Who is that handsome young man standing there? Second Old Gentleman: That's my daughter's husband. Very brilliant young man; he made a fortune through the law. "Indeed!" "Yes; the law made me his father."

OISTER (in 70-bedded hospital ward): Doesn't it appal you to see the size of the ward you have to scrub? Charwoman: Lawk#, sister, I never looks— I alius works backwards.

♦ + ♦ + «T)0 you know I've got a lucky charm. It keeps tne from getting broke." "I don't believe in lucky charms. What is it, anyway?" "A ten-shilling note." ♦ ♦ ♦ "Johnny, there's a button off your coat. Go upstairs and sew it on." Little. Johnny (in surprise): ."Mother will sew it on." "1 know she will, hut I want you to learn to sew on buttons yourself." "Why?" "Some day, Johnny, when you grow up, you won't have any mother —nothing but a wife."

ffTYTD you ever see me before I was born, mummy?" "No, dear." "Did you see & picture of me?" "No, dear." "Then how did you happen to recognise me?"

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ JpOR nearly half an hour the salesman had explained to an old lady the virtue* of the electric Are, the electric poker and the electric kettle and iron. "Now, tell me," she said, when he paused for breath, "where do you put in the pennies for the gas?"

/"VLDEST Inhabitant: "I b» 94 years of age, air, and I haven't got an enemy in the world." Village Parson: "That is a roost beautiful thought, William." "Ay, so it be, sir. I've outlived 'em all." ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ AWEN: Did you hear about Maureen ? She has a position aa detective in one of the big jewellery storea. Louiee: Well, I don't envy her. Just imagine being known as a "plain clothes" woman!