MR. IMESBY'S ORACLE

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue LXIX, 21 September 1938, Page 23

MR. IMESBY'S ORACLE

Short Story

QLD Albert Imeeby turned into the Y Jolly Wagoners' Arms with fear in liw heart—that precise fear kings must know when they realise their dynasty is trembling to its end. He entered the snug, noticed the blight and facetious barman who had recently replaced the landlord's solid *on, groaned and felt utterly desolate.

•Tust as he had expected. There was no merry greeting from the croilie* over whom lie had lorded for these 20 years. No ceremony of welcome from l>«t Fred Batch, the landlord, and not so much a« a quirk from tTiat wizened one -eyed Philistine. 'Km-v O'son.

All the old crowd was present. They were sittinjr, conspiratorial, about a long table littered with notebooks, spectacle ruses, *tul)K of pencil and copies of the current '"Weekly Orbit." The dew* of unwonted mental effort mingled with beer-bloom on their tortured fates. Eyiw were glassy, fixed, far away. Now and up!in some agonised thinker sighed und muttered—in all, the company showed the completitit timerv.

"A pint of mild." said Albert with {ireat dignity. "A pint, atul an eightpenny cigar. , '

The bright new barman juggled with ii seintilhint He calle<l cm Fred

itih to serve the gentleman with cigaiv

-and he had to repeat himself three :imes before the landlord took the 'I'j'itfnt nutk-e. Old Albert smiled in bitterness. Until ■•eently hU requests for an eight penny igiir hud meant an instant muting of the siiiig-rooiii conversation, a silence until the business of selection and cutting was concluded. For. in his slipping kingdom of "Jmesbyonia,"' the regality of an act of cigar purchase had always signalised a roaring evening in the ".Jolly Wagoners." Usually Mr. Imesby stood drinks round after lighting up. and, more often than not a kind of smoking concert and a supper (paid for by Mr. Imesby) followed. Mr. Imesby was a solicitor's retir««d clerk, and was affluent compared with the general run of the wagonere' habitues. "Cigar, Albert? Right-oh; be with you in half a tick.' , Albert closed his eves and rocked on his feet. "Albert." indeed! The landlord actually dared class him with the lesser breeds about the bar and use his Christian name! That earelesx "half a tick." Since when had Mr. Imesby been called mi to wait "half a tick" in the Jolly Wagoners' snug? His moustache blew out and his knotted hands shook. "Xo," he «aid calmly, "you can stay where you are, Mr. Batch." There was a ripple of interest. "I wouldn't dream of troubling you too much, Mr. Batch. It wouldn't do to take you away from -inch important business to attend to my wants. I'll finish my drink, thanks, and I'll jfo—for good!"

Hatch blinked and his lower jaw went slack.

'"How d'you mean 'for good'? What's ii|> with you all of a sudden ?" Then the landlord remembered hie role. "I'm sorry like, if I've given an old and valued ■customer offence. P'raps I was a bit —"

"Aw, let 'im rip. Fred! Soft ole cue*, "ell pome orf 'Iβ 'igh 'ose afore long." This was Philietinian 'Enory 'Ogson. " 'is nib* '«s gotta touch of liver, that's what."

The landlord rounded on 'Enery. "That'll k* enough, ole friend. This ie atween Mr. Imeeby an' me." He turned again to Albert. "Now, what'* really npT"

"I feel out of things, Batch. I'm getting on, and for more years than I like to count I've, enjoyed my simple evenings in the Jolly Wagoners. Everything's changed so—thi* damnable craze you've all got ha* absolutely spoilt the place. I'll stay out in future."

Batch pushed back a faded old boater and scratched his baldness.

"Why now, Mr. Imesby. I don't quite know what to say! This is a rare facer, if y' like! You're more of an institution than a customer."

"'E'U not leave, Fred," 'Enery 'Ogson rapped out, "'e know* whert Vβ cock o , the midden—"

"Cock of the midden." Albert Imesby smiled whimsically, regarding his ancient enemy. "You've hit it! There's a lot in what you soy, Henry. For half a lifetime we've enjoyed jolly human companionship in this 'snug, , with me in a kind of perpetual chair ... I don't see the sense in flinging all that away for— for blasted nonsense like that!" He darted a quivering finger at the florid cover of the "Weekly Orbit." "You and your idiotic competitions!"

Yes, it was terribly significant. The hapyy old nights had gone. All those long, fantastically interesting talks were ended.

Customers had banded into a "competition club." They contributed joint efforts and contributions of money to a pool. One night a week wu set apart for a committee meeting, when all efforts were gone' over and polished or condemned. Financial affaire were left to the landlord, who bought the postal orders; a subcommittee checked his accounts and reported on the exactitude of their filling in and crossing. Then the competitors eat back and waited for the next week's meeting* to begin.

This number of the "Weekly Orbit" was offering a gigantic opportunity. By unanimous vote they decided to *fnad ruple> their usual entry—a prife of three thousand pounds wae to be had for a winning "Jugglem!" Who could resist? "Only an old fool like Albert/' said the jealoHs 'Enery.

"Chuck yer cockiness, an' come an , join the 'appy fambly," he called across. "What's th' use of waetin , time talkin' boah when y' might as well be 'aving a crack, tame as us? Come on, ole pal!" For once in a way there was an earnestness in 'Enery's appeal. Hearing it, Albert visibly softened. But this was to Batch —he Appeared to ignore 'Enery. 'Ut's no good going over old ground," he eighed. "I'm as well out of the Jolly Wagoners. I won't bother with euch rubbish and I certainly don't intend to come in and drink on my own. No, Batch, it's a final 'good* night'."

Up to his feet got 'Enery. Hie gingerish hair bristled, one sound eye flashing fire, and a strangely damp emotion. He had dignity, too.

"V means it?" he growled. "'Ang it ell, y' means it? All I can say, Mr. Imeeby, is that y've not much thought fer y're ole pals. 'Ere's you an' me—we've squabbled an , argyfled fer yeers an' yeere, an' now y' want to cut it all out an' leave us . . . Bight! I'll remember!" This obscure and wholly noncoherent was perfectly understandable to Albert. 'Enery was not a man of many words. Nor could 'Enery express deep emotion. When one really came to think of it, what would life be without 'Enery to cry down and Batch and the others to imprees? Albert quailed, shifted his ground. "Perhaps the erase will pate— * "Nay, it won't," snarled 'Enery. "We've Uken solemn oath a* 'ow well not chuck up enterin , until one of Uβ wins. Don't bank on aught else. If 7' want* ter get taek to our ole w*ya—

why not 'elp a bit? Y' great ole tliick ead," he went on with a kind of an-ry affection. "Yer ctlttin' y , big ugly noee off t' spite yer face. If y'd consult one "' them there oracles y' wae tellin' us ahaht, tli , other week—"

'Knery cunningly etopped, He. had weakened hi* ancient enemy, and being a tactician of parts, simply waited.

A reminiscent smile came over Albert's face. He straightened up and said. "Ah!" Of course-how right 'Knery was! Had he nut {liven them all a lent lire "lie's* than three weeks ago) on the quaint beliefs and custom* of ancient (Jreeeey Had he not laid special stress cm the fact that a (Jreeian always trusted to oracular inspiration when engaged in affairs of chance/ Had not 'Knery sneered and said rude things about ft reeks? Wan not 'Knery now challenging him t> test his own hotly-contented theories of that night, three weeks nan/ '"You incline me against niv better *en«c. Henry." "Tha's all ruhbidgp. You said "as 'ow the«t; 'ere oracles uspter work—well, go on. yer knows \>w t' work 'em. Lea<twavH yer made out as 'ow book learniii' "ad told yer 'ow tho Creek chap* uscter 'lo . . . Consult yer bliukin' oracle: sec if that'll V]p. If we win a few quid we'll pack u]> we're not so keen n* we was, y" know."' Cunning, was 'Knery: He was offering a way out- showing how one's filer could he saved even though he pretended iintagoiiism. Albert drunk his beer. He stood and looked nt the clock. In a minute or so it would be exactly nine. "Very well," lie conceded. "I'll *taud by my words. T definitely stated that the ancient (Jrccian oracle would answer iin enquirer today, even as it answered 2000 years ago. I al.so said that it was mainly to be consulted in times of >tress, to seek for luck in chancy games. The eireuinntanee*! are here. Now I'll apply the test." "How'd you know, Mr. Tmesby. what your oracle *;aid?" Hatch wanted to know. "Can you hear it out loud ?'' AN»ert smiled ini]>ort(intly. He wa< "'Mr. Tmesby" again, and the whole bar wii.« waiting on him. Competition was forgotten. He raised *i hand: the air about him seemefl to crinkle with ghosts. Nine o'clock struck. Tn came the. bright new barman, whistling. He saw ImexhyV raised hand and the empty glas* on the counter. Always obliging, he picked up another plasty spun it in his fingers and . . . '"Dog's ear. «ir?" he inquired. Down dropped Imesby's luind. He smiled and *aid he would have one more gla*«. Then tn the gaping company lie solemnly *aid. "You heard? The oracle answered on the hour- all conditions of omental' comniunication were fulfilled, the ordinary transection of a moment, on the edge ef an hour, wae transformed t<> the extraordinary . . . "Dog's ear' Is tho first elue! A dog'e ear —very well, we'll «ee!"

Hβ drank his beer and went out. contemptuous of what 'Enery niijjht say about "'ole idjits what oujrhta be in e dotty 'ome." Despite his faith in hie peculiar contention*. Imesby's heart failed him many timee duriffg the next day. In the ensuing 24 hour*, he had the belief. the eecond orar-ular communication should be received. There would have to follow a third, and then the way would-eppear plain. All very ea»»y to think about, but hard to trust implicitly. Albert walked the streets. waiting and watching for that second sign.

It came! At three o'clock in the afternoon it happened that he passed a decayed bill hoarding. A mongrel puppy * «at and yawned beneath a downfall of dirty "postering. It eat and scratched ite ear, then ran away.

TT»> old man'* . epirit leaped. Tremblingly he looked at the frayed m*M of tie poster which was peeling from the woodwork. Only a few word* were to be read—"the whisky of our ancestor*"—no more. "Whtoky" .. "ancestors" —the thing ' wae plain enough. "Do?" —"whisky* , —"ancestors" —one clue alone remained. Albert went home and elept like a child, trustingly, serenely.

Suro enough, next day, having temporarily forgotten all about oracles and competitions, he stopped outside a shop in the Edge ware Road. It must have been the flagon of whisky that appealed to his. subconscious mind.

That flagon vm in a «tr«ngely arresting window display. It rested on a tnwoek of heather on the bottom of the window. By it wae disposed n set of bagpipes and a 'Volume of Burns' poems. There wa« a -peintod back scene of mountains, a loch and a soaring eagle. Tn the very eeMre of the show wa« a curious object resting on a nilver dieh.

"Burns' Xight Approaches" ran an advertisement across, the window glass. "We Hold the Best Supplies of Hagjri* in London" . . . Tm«»ny wilted and groaned. Here might be the third sign, utterly incomprehensible.

The dog led to the whisky and the whisky *o this window. The route wa« as plain as the oracle wa« certain. Yet how in the name of all that wes wonderful wae this idiotic mixture on that silver trav going to help him to win tho "Weekly OrbitV great "Jugglcm ,, competition?

—By VINCENT CORNIER

Dismayed, Albert tottered homo. He liardlv dare go down to the "Jolly Wagoners"—it was too much to expect that his brain should eolve the proMem.

For want of something better ho bought a copy of the "Orbit." then s.it down.t<> look over the examples which had to be used in forming the threeword "Jugplenis." Looked, dropped the iin per, Hosed hits eyee in vast and terribU" mirpritw.

Then he went out a eecond time nii'l bought a sixpenny post ill order. For thill sum he could have entered two (■Hurts, liii't he w.ts. content with the submission of one. After it was ported lw> stalked into the 'Molly Waggonei'rs'" <ind ordered drinks around.

A fortnight later the telegram came. Shaking with excitement Albert ran to the •Jolly Waggoners'." The composition enthusiasts were «*till at their t;t-ks. They were tired. Albert knew that the kingdom of '"linesbyonia'" wis re-ctablished from that moment.

"(ienth'inen." he shouted, and they nil «urged round him. "Liisten to this

. . . "Mist Albert Inx-sby- Congratulation* on wiuninpr our (Jijrantio First l'rize in '.?u«plemi«." number twentyIliree, witli your brilliant "Jupjilcin. , 'Tra«'iii}» His Ancestor*! , . . . 'Towhim - Analwes Hayjri-*!' Our represent at i\:' will <all t<i cniifiiiii our news'—.lone-. Competition Kditor." "

Tin , representative followed Albeit to the ".lolly Wagoners'." He in to the "i-nup" to see a company :>f ipieer old men. holding hands and fervently .singing . . . the "Oid Hundredth!"'