RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 208, 3 September 1938, Page 6 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

By Zamiel

A circus clown told an interviewer that it was a fine thing to be oft the road. Motorists will probably have noticed already that that ia where most of the clowns are. ♦ ♦ + ♦ A will devising £100,000 iras written on the hem of a petticoat. That a use has been discovered for a petticoat will delight the manufacturers whose machines have been idle for three or four years. ♦ ♦ ♦ * "How to keep hens in the back garden" is the title of an article in a daily paper. That's too easy. What we want to know is how to keep them out. * ♦ + + One of the best batsmen in a Midlands village cricket team is a Mr. L. B. Wilson. In spite of his unfortunate initials, toot * + ♦ + Most people look older than their photographs, observes a gossip. But then that is what most people are. * + ♦ ♦ The London Zoo authorities announce that photographs of visitors sitting with chimpanzees icill not be allowed this year. There is a feeling that the suggestion came from the chimpanzees. ♦** . ♦ Because he did not like the food a hospital patient threw a pillow at his nurse, fie hoped that the soft answer would turn away broth. * ♦ ♦ ♦ A naturalist claims that he understands the language of birds. We should be greatly obliged if he would tell them to leave our seeds alone. ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Cows from a Surrey" village stray from their pastures and eagerly consume fermented hops in the vard of a brewery. We trust this won't lead to riotous living in the milk bars.

"We read that the total amount of Property destroyed by fire in the United &tates last year was equivalent to more than half the annual interest on the national debt. Thus the prize for the worlds most useless statistic remains in America for another year, ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ An ornithologist says some sea birds make weird noises without opening their bills. So do we when we know in advance what is inside them. ♦ ♦ * ♦ According to an astronomer there are intelligent beings on Mars who are making frantic efforts to reach the earth. Surely both statements cannot be correctf .♦♦ ♦ ♦ A visitor to a brewery who fell into a vat of beer was quite calm when rescued. He explained that his horoscope clearly showed that he would never go to a watery grave. + ♦ ♦ ♦ "The modern bard," we read, "is not so picturesque as his predecessor. You could not tell from his appearance that he icas a poet" Aor, for the matter of that, from his poems. ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ It is the custom among a certain tribe of Arabs for a young man to declare his love by presenting a girl with a bunch of figs. Then if all goes well they start making dates. ♦ * ♦ ♦ "The man who plays cards by himself is exhibiting vicious tendencies," Btates a writer. We always thought that Patience was a virtue. ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ -4n American visitor says he has come to this country to find a quiet retreat entirely cut off from the rest of the tcorld. We know several telephone boxes that should meet his requirements.