THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 177, 29 July 1938, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

The office has, heen regaled during the past few days with incidents of the visit of Bert's ma-in-law from the other end of Xew Zealand. The lady is. apparently. MAIN-LAW hard to please. "First IS FUSSY, night she's with us, we put her in the single bed in the spare room," says Bert. "She doesn't like it. Next night the wife and I crowd into the spare room bed, and she takes our room. She doesn't like it. Last night we shift the baby's cot into the spare room, and put the spare room bed in the baby's room for her. This morning she says she isn't too keen about it. but maybe to-night we take the spare room bed into our room, and put our double bed in the baby's room for her. 'cause she isn't <|iiite sure whether it's the bed or the room she doesn't like. That's how it is now. But another few days will see the end of her."

|says Bert, with a hopeful grin. "We'll turn Ithe dining room into a bedroom for her. and Ithen the sitting room, and let her try out both ;the spare sinjrle bed and our double bed in each—and then, and then. I'll persuade her to try the parage, and that night I'll forget to switch off the engine."—LM.

Snug in the captain's own bed, saved frnrr. |a watery grave, aboard a stately specie-laden India ma n, we lay in mid-Channel. "Mac. you were born to be hung. PIRATE'S GOLD, not drowned." the captain said. "Hark! Soundlike the measured dip of muffled oars. Heaven<! Surely not a French pirate lugger? Dammit, it is." Hurriedly he issued orders: and. in a flash, all hell seemed let loose as scores of swarthy cut-throats leaped altoard. smashing. maiming and killing. Ten million* in gold was wrested from us by fiery-eyed piratical scum. Springing forward.' I held" up my hand for silence. "Bravo, fellow workers! France will remember your bravery and daring. My brothers, I love you for" this. But it is but an earnest of the things that yet will be. Let me say this, thot?gh. Your "technique is all wrong. This foolish gold is but monev, and as 6uch has no value. Take it. What" after all, is a mere ten millions? Wliv, our Cabinet Ministers spend this much daily in car fares —it is mere chicken feed. As wage workers they earned precious little—they despise the •stuff. Now. in the sacred name "of Humanitv. out of a great and abiding love, thev take it, destroy it. and give back love, securi'tv, roads, white lines, jolis to their friends. You can do the same. How noble would it be for you to set France free, as Savage and Semple have set New Zealand free. Why not start a big-scale Revolution in France" free your people of their gold, destrov ft? Remember— Liberty. Fraternity. Equality—and Social Justice." Then, in strained silence, while the pirates sobbed. T read the Budget items to them. "Dazed, staggered, shamed, they broke down. With bowed heads, ignoring our "old they plunged overboard.—MacCJure.

A captain s orders mwt always be carried out in the engine room. This is'« true storv which the writer remembers hearing many years ~._ .«___»«, a £°- T,,er * »«s a" small SLOW ASTERN, steamer called the Rowena i j jxv ~ trading between Auckland and the Bay of Islands. Upon one occasion she arrived at Auckland about 3 p.m. Usually the last order from the bridsre to the engine room after arrival is "SW astern," and wnen the stern line is made fast, "Stop her. As the last order was not forthcoming the engineer went up the ladder to investigate To Ins surprise, he saw the captain with hi* umbrella under his arm going ashore He had a quick thought. As he knew the captain would[probably visit the post office first to post his letters, he decided to go after him Donning his hat and coat, he left the boat and caught up to the captain entering the «*f* • A x I *fPP* l I,im <»> the arm and said, She is still going slow astern—will I stop her captain?" Tf anv of readers i iTSJ at° ft'T, thp name, ring I I will tell them if they are right.

l»~t TEiS v * "£* an an t"V>«ted fn deed box last night brought from England in 1!H)7 and happened on our own apprenticeship indentures A RAW I>I?AT ? f j, IS J 7 - V IC P« r ehment A KAW DEAL, had turned yellow with w „ rfl _ .. a?e ' a "d two clauses are worth recording. "The said employers shall not provide salmon for the said apprentice's meals, more than three times week™"« The said employers shall pay to thc ap ™* at the expiration of the sixth year of the £l m .i. 0 -5r appreatl J :e ," h, 'P a eum of not less than five shdl.ngs weekly, to continue for the whole shin » S TT n en , th ff"« °' thU deed of apprenticeship. Up to the early part of the last century salmon swam in shoals up to London Bndge, and were sold at a groat (4d) each thus providing the cheapest food the price is from 4/ to 6/ per lb). Apprenticeship vlri ""I-' hy l* W ' for a P" r '«» of seven years. Apprentices 'Hived in." and were given bed and board. Perhaps it is unnecessary to add, eventually marrying the "boss's" daugh- I ter If disobedient or inattentive, the em plover nad the right (1) to inflict corporal punish- I b C "i '( n ,*J\ h *l* tDe flogged at Bridewell (3) subject to a justices approval | to cancel the deed of apprenticeship, with I forfeiture of the £50 usually paid fn hind the ! contract. Hurrah for the good old da vs.— j A.A.P. • J . i TO THE RESCUE. 1 Come to the rescue of the farm, dear daughter ' Come to the rescue once airnin : Tour brothers all have flown to a job in the town. Battle with the cows, with the calves and the sows. Flounder through the mud and the rainThe farm hand has strayed to a job that's better paid. So come to the rescue once apain.

(Come to the rescue of the farm, dear daughter dome to the rescue if vou can "^"^ r - The boys, have left us cold and'the dad is I growing old. ',™ So ome and do the vrork of a man There s a paddock to be mown, some manure j to be sown. ~..u.c And a thumping lot of gorse for to clearA fence has sone again and old Spottv's in I the drain. j So come to the rescue, daughter dear. Come to the rescue of the farm, dear daughter Spring for your gumboots and vour spado' The men are filled with grief to be working on relief. 1 Or waiting for their dole to ho paid He.p for heaven's sake with the sweep and l the rnko. j You shall soon be Queen of the Hav: Help in our duress with the tractor and the I press. I Come to the rescue while you may —A.T.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) A correspondent asks whether the word "mansions" is applicable to buildings used as flats, or whether it is not strictly limited to private houses. The word MANSIONS. once meant a dwelling, but that is an obsolete meaning. It became narrowed down to the j house of a lord of a manor, or a manor house, land hence it is applied to any house of considerable size or pretensions." Opinions may 'differ. The word has a pretentions ring about lit when applied to a residence that obviously | has little claim to distinction, but some modern I flats have the dijmity of mansions. It is a [matter for individual* taste. Not everybody would care to have "mansions" at the" head of his letter paper.—Touchstone.