THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 139, 15 June 1938, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) "Touchstone" writes: One more note may be given to drive home the fact that language fc a living, changing thing. "Why, sir," said Johnson one day to his CHANGE IN friend Bos well, "you LANGUAGE. would not imagine that the French 'jour,' day. is derived from the Latin 'dies,' and yet nothing is more certain; ana the intermediate steps are very clear. From 'dies' comes 'diurnus.' •j)iu' is. by inaccurate ears or inaccurate pronunciation, easily confounded with 'gin': then the Italians form tlie substantive of the ablative of an adjective, and thence 'giurno.' or, as they make it. 'giorno,' which is readily contracted into 'giour' or 'jour.' " Those who lespeet tlieir mother tongue will find mu-.-ii to help them in Boswell's "Life of Johnson."' "Good English," said Boswell. "i- plain, easy and smooth in the mouth of an unaffected Englishman. A studied and factitious pronunciation, which requires perpetual attention and imposes perpetual restraint, is exceedingly disgusting." Fortunately for himself. Boswel! never lived to hear some of the world's radio announcers. When Lord Rothermere dared to suggest that Xew Zealand lacked adequate defensive schemes he received a barrage from our Prime Minister. Mr. Savage, STOP PRESS. "Mind your own business.Lord Rothermere had suggested the Dominion would make <\ tempting bait for Japan, but. apparently, M-. Savage is convinced that no nation is hungr;. enough to have a bite at us under present conditions. Nevertheless, it is refreshing to hear that Lord Rothermere is l>cing offered the chance of learning something from a Government which, although going onwards and upwards, in a Parliamentary sent-e, lias manifestly gone backwards and downwards in municipal spheres. Frantic endeavours on the writer's part to compose verse suitable to the occasion have proved hopelessly abortive. Possibly the Test match broadcast is having some effect, but meanwhile I have an idea in purely skeleton form which may possibly give some further inspiration to our Prime Minister:

It must be clear, dear Rothermere, In snite of all your capers. Us chaps, we blokes, the carcus mob, Think nowt of all your papers. So now, you Journalistic birds. We want to make it clear. We'll soon control—in other words — Yer can't do that there 'ere. —B.C.H. The night was pouring rain, as only it can pour on the West Coast. Paddy was* fed up to the teeth. His horse had stumbled at the last creek, pushed him HIS BED MATE. under the icy water, and he was soaked to the -kin. It was in the old days when the mail was brought down from Otira to the coastal settlements once a month by paekhorse. and Piddy was mailman at the time. The lights of "a pub were ahead and Paddy soon reached it. After stabling his horse and making sure the mail was safe, he went into the bar and warmed himself externally by the fire, aiiu internally by whisky. After a bite to eat and a few more swallows to see him through tli? night, he went ujistairs to his room. He turned in the doorway and made his way to the bed by match light. It was a double'bed. and Paddy saw lie had a room mate who had already hit the hay. Paddy was a bit soaked ln>th with whisky and rain and didn't give a darn whom he slept with. He got into bed after a preliminary skirmish with his boots and clothes, and then promptly dozed off. By and by the door opened and in walked a man with a woman ami a girl. They didn't take any notice of the lied or its occupants, but went over to a corner and lit a couple of candles. Paddy was half awake and wondered blearilv what was up. Next the three knelt down bv the candles and started praying. | Paddy shook liis bed partner ger»tlv. The ether did 11 t wake, so Paddy shook him harder. Still no response, so Paddy grablted an ami. and then .-at bolt upright* with a yell. The I three in the corner gave another shriek and bolted. The four of them jammed in the doorway, l'addy was cold sol>er by now. acj so was his bed mate. Paddy had fot into bed with a corpse!— Moonlight. C

If Eord Northeliffe o\ - or did roallv sav. "If a dog hitos a man, that isn't news; if "a man bite- a dog. that is now*." then he ought to pay r;ood money for MAN BITES DOG. this yarn, as a diukum '■scoop." A man has bitten a dog. It happened, of course. in the onlv jdaco where ««uoh things can happen in New Zealand these days, on the Went Coast. Tho two worst prats in a certain minim; town were, until recently, a big brindle bulldog and its .master, who boasted, in season and out. that his animal could lick anything on four legs or two. and jiorjK'tuallv sought to make opportunities for the surly brute to show it* prowess. Everyone was fed up with both of fliom, ami the fooling Ixiiled over, the other day. in a certain «tockv little Soots miner, in.-pired by much usquebaugh. He cotild. ho declared, beat the bulldog, not onlv barehanded. but teotii to teeth: hU week's pav wa» on the bar to prove it. The bet was promptly covered by the brute's owner, and a score of side bets were registered while the challenger was stripping to the waist. Down on his hands and knees he went, and advanced, making insulting noises. The bulldog, rumbling deep in its chest, did not hang back, but its approach was wary, and it* eyes expressed doubt as well a* disapproval. Suddenly it charged, but the man was thp quicker," and. with a swift lunge, he gripped tho brute's between hits teeth. As doggedly as his opponent would have done, had it "got fir-t jgrip. Mae hung oij. with his hands'" clasped Whind his back so that there oould Ik? no .suggestion of foul play, while the two rolled around on the floor, the man grimlv silent, the bulldog snarling frantically. tho crowd cheering. But the dog weakened fir-t. ' s voice breaking into an agonised howl of >iirretn!er. and. when Mao opened his mouth, the brute fled. Beaton, and broken-hearted in defeat, the bulldog to-day dodges down a ba.-k street lif it sees Mae coming: they say that oven tho cats bully it now. with impunity, while i'<owner, at the cost of a week's pay h*-t to the victor, it« also a humble and suVlued man.— I.M.

EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY. Sins a sons* of spendincr— How the mopev flows' Ench now nuhlic project More ambitious grows. I-et's po npd spend another million: Build a hirrhwnv n railway there; out the riders and make a lot of brldfr s On the good old Road to Ant w!iei»? We've found how to use the Public CrtlN, And if any district seeks to-4«fr A nice plum from the basket, ft onfy Knm Jo ask it— Future venerations have to pay! Fd hate to be mv trrandson. With this lepracy Groanine under taxes: But it's fin;» for me! T-et's eo and spend another mil'ion. Thouerh the million isn't ours to snend. Although our Public Debt sroes soarine hishoiyet. Someone's alwavs mue enough to lend. Thousrh some may criticise our spending. We need votes for next Election Div. Our method's Room and Borrow, but that is not our sorrow— old Posterity will pay! 1 — SIXBAD.