Fanny Brice's Ten Joke Crimes

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 124, 28 May 1938, Page 7 (Supplement)

Fanny Brice's Ten Joke Crimes

FANNY BRICE admits that if she had it to do all over again, only one thing would keep her out of vaudeville and off the stage the jokes! - "You think some of the modern jokes are bad, but, say, they're literary masterpieces compared to the old days." says Fanny, who has done 20 years in vaudeville. "And what's worse, I've got a good memory, so I remember them all. If I could only forget!" On Miss Brice's "ten worst" list, although she explains that with little effort she could make it 1000, this one is the leader: — "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?" "That was no lady, that was my wife!" Just the thought of that one makes Fanny a bit faint, so after the smelling salts and a glass of water, she continues, with the rest. "Do you know the difference between a taxidermist and a taxi-driver?" "No." "A taxidermist skins animals and a taxi-driver skins humans!" Tit: What do you mean by telling Diane I'm a nut?

Tat: Sorry—l didn't know it was a secret! "Why did the boss fire you?" "Everybody took me for the boss. He was one of those guys who stood around and watched everybody else work." Pat: Ha, ha! I see my pal gave you a black eye. Mike: You didn't see the person who did it. . ! Pat: He's my friend *ust the same! Collector: Aren't you bothered about that five dollars you owe me? Slow-payer: Gosh, no! What's the use of us both worrying? Employer: Say, boy, these aren't.references. Office Boy (trying for job): But I thought they would be better. They're copies of my four grandparents' death certificates! "Mister," said the ragged man, "will you give me a loaf of bread for my wife and little one?" The stranger looked at him kindly: I won't take advantage of your destitution. Keep your wife and children, I don't want them! And here is Fanny's contribution to the medical world: — Preacher: Now, class, what is false doctrine? Johnny: I know, bad medicine!

rpHE 1938 production schedule has John Barrymore elated off for seven productions all starting within the next two months. The list includes "Spawn of the North," "The Gracie Allen Murder Mystery," "Thinjre Bejran to Happen," "Cafe Society," "Midnight," "Four Leaf Clover" and another "Bulldog Drummond" film.