THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 97, 27 April 1938, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

The horse and cart ambled along the country road. The evening's milk had been delivered to the factory, and the road home was tvpically that of the COMPLIMENT backhlocks. * The night RETURNED, was dark. too. and Betty. between the shafts, was picking her way with some care. Presently a large car approached from the opposite direction. The driver of the car dipped his glaring headlights to avoid dazzling the driver, "(ieorge."' said the driver to his mate, "we must return the compliment —just blow that offside candle out '' —Jolinnv.

Your repular contributor "8.C.H." tells us that the Prime Minister (in a speech which we are told elsewhere lasted one hour and forty minuter) used the "NOW THEN ." expression '"Now then — twenty-eight times. I have one who can heat this record badly in the person of the Hon. G. W. Forbes, who in a half-hour's speech last session said ''In regard to" no less than twenty-six times' Another favourite expression in the House is "In connection with,'' and if the Labour fiovernment has room for another appointment I suggest that Professor Wall take some of the M.P.'s in hand before next session opens.—Cyrus. Reading your column the other night about money on footpaths, etc., brought to my mind an incident which happened many years ago. Gc<.. Hater and myself UNNOTICED. had backed .a winning

double (I'lilly and Millie) for £.">n. and we were paid in the private bar of tlie Thistle Hotel, then kept by Mauri pa Quinlan. Of course we celebrated, and the question arose how long could a sovereign lie in public view without being picked up. Well, I bet George £1 that it would be picked up within half an hour. We then came into Queen Street, and George placed a sovereign on top of the pillarbox (it is still there—the pillar box) on tlie corner of Darby Street. We then walked down Queen Street to the end of the old Queen Street wharf, had a couple on the way. came Kick—and the sovereign was still there. I paid.—Alf D.

-Anzac Day and the New Zealand Diggers' reception in Sydney must again recall troopship incidents. We shall never know the

identity of the brilliant SECONDARY Brass Hat who conceived EDUCATION", the idea of havin*r "educational classes" on board i ©turning troopships. Each ship was converted into a (school of learning, but fortunately every soldier was granted the priviloTe of choosing his own subjects of tuition—from plasticine and laflia worlc to algebra. Having regard to the prevailing conditions, it was. not surprising that the "howlers"' outshone the usual schoolboy ones. For instance, as an outcome of a preliminary examination paper in Nature study we had: "Pigeon—a bird used as a message carrier during the war. An attempt to cross it with a parrot so that it could delher verbal messages was unfortunately a failure." Then, again: "Lark—this bird 'lia< a marked protective instinct. Although nesting on the ground, it soars high into the sky with the object of lending aviators away from its vouiKr. The best one. however, occurred during an arithmetic lesson 011 board the Paparoa A worried padre who conducted a class of forty or fifty tough Diggers was questioning his scholars 011 the subject of linear measurements. "What is twenty-two vardsf' "One chain.'' answered a Digger. "What is 1/fiO yards ?" "One mile." replied another student. 'What is four furlongs v*» t | ie piirlro. A really nau;>htv-lookincr son of Xew Zealand, lazing in one of the' back seats drawled, "Anybody's race, old boy."—B.CiL

"Touchstone" writes: An Interesting example of the flexibility of English was the other day in the exchange of jocular remarks between a lawver EMOTION. and a magistrate regarding a "sentimental bloke" who was on the verge of tears. "Mv client was a bit weepisli,"' said the lawver." "Ah" replied the magistrate, "lie showed signs of emotion, did he?" Here the magistrate made sport of a hackneyed description of tears It is a good thing to see these rlumsv counterfeits of .good English in the pillorv. Modern .lourna.ists are for ever trying to scotch them Emotion is not tearfulness. It ?« a moving of the mind or soul: or excitement of the feelings, whether pleasant or painful. A man might be -moved to tears." but ho might also I'c moved to the reverse of tears. Another otrendfi- often seen in print i* "devotional exercise, instead of prayers. Almost fiendish . \"" ' ,!,vp i,ePn "ceded to produce mat choice specimen of journalese. Perhaps l i> unfair to blame the journalists. Mavb' f rrr K( ? Var<l ° f religious conference toiged the phras.. in the belief that the newspapers were a bit. shy about the use of so , n t ils n<> ma - v eve » . "'«>«• wager with a colleague that the woids would appear in print. If ] le Wils letting almost on a certaintv. The phrase ;s still trotted oi.t religiously. ovon on agend^ U ion' 11 T f ° r fl, ° "«»wti--1 le\ ot ion, ,n its sacred or religious u"a-T onn . 4e( ' r » fio »- piety, and is often »>ed in place of prayer, but it also means anient love or affection. An exercise is a "dev'c ,n . a, ' tlon . or practising. Therefore •ind?,n ' t xmww " ,u ' ,r ' ht '»*»«> anvthinor nrn 'tratim'i' a " J >ersnils . niiglit take it to mean ri, ~»'«•" ™«y

forciblT oTl'- 1 ' 0 6aW ; r ° ni!m,cd ,l!m somewhat foi ibl\ ot his seventeenth birthdav. Quite an unusual setting for a birthday celebration, h" POPPTP-Q! Ml< ': and quite an unFOPPIES! usual celebration for a c,, , birthdav setting It was > .e of fhose heat-heavy days which sometimes bowsed over the front lino—where it was e said, d.dnt matter very much; and lie I. ,'>"t "ot. at rest, ten vards out from I eoniinunication trench. I„ f nct he was , .sniper set to catch a sniper. This particular communc-a ,on trench was a veritable death !<i.p. With positively fiendish accnracv mat, j.'ftci man had been picked off—the sniper had i [ < "'' j V V n'! < S| ,'" t U>t ween two sandbags and , popped bullets through it unerringly. So here 'Ur f'° S;,Kl ' IIU <s(,v<>,,to<,l 'tli birthdav waiting for a move which didn't come. The Lr,i"T, a i ° f "" ,,ton brass; and the start- ■ in 1% blue heavens were wisped with woollv aw, V "h A Kokkor <1 ronod lawaj to the west; and far away—ns if in a detached world i machine gun chattered for a minute. I hen heavy silence again. Men made war like moles in tlin-f davs. Flowers and earth lie said, and tin* lumped artistically over him for camouflage: and his rifle with every telescopic convenience. Xot a i move. He knew the enemy sniper knew that he was there: the enemy sniper knew the | enemy know that he was there; but neither j tin red make a move to reveal his exact whereabouts. A tinnv gramophone grated "Tipperary" behind him. Then one little thing automatically registered upon his nlert brain". It was just a bunch of wild poppies; just a gentle shiver to them as if ;l wind wisp had fanned them in passing. But there was no wind! For half an hour he lav and glared without winking at them. Then tliev moved again slightly! Very gcntlv he sighted his rifle, squeezed the trigger! ' A small mound of tins, rusted wire, poppies, heaved as something threshed for a moment within it. then quieted. The poppies stood out in a blaze of colour. Every time he saw them, lie said. the\ reminded him. So small a thing to cause the death of a man! —Borax. ]