THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 235, 4 October 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.) A well-known Aucklander, who is right in the forefront among the highlights of the theatrical world, that is, on the managerial side, was discussing with A NEAT ONE. his daughter-in-law the other day the interesting event at the Zoo when two emu chicks were produced. Mention was made that during the incubating stage the male and female birds were kept apart and that it was the male bird that sat on the eggs and hatched them

out. He also attended the chicks when they made their appearance. It was at this stage of the conversation that the daughter-in-law asked, "And what does the hen bird do?" Like a flash came back from the theatrical highlight, "She just emuses herself." The Yankee wisecrackers have nothing on that one.—Johnny. Whatever may be the Springboks' impression of New Zealand, it is safe to assume that they will not want to see any more autograph books for a long time. AUTO- Talking of autographs, a .SUGGESTION, famous American writer once received a letter from a lawyer—a complete stranger. "Dear X., —I have read a few of your books. Would you please send me a list of your stories, your autograph and photograph? Yours faithfully, James Jones." To which the author replied: "Dear Jimmie, —I wish you would not be so formal when you write. I want to call you Jim and you can call me Fatty if you like. Sorry I have not a photograph of myself handy, but will have one taken at once. By the way, I am very interested in lawyers. Have you ever defended a bootlegger, or an author, and why? Please send me pictures of your home and office, a list of your assets and liabilities and a list of the books you have read (if any). How do you get along with vour wife? Kindlv explain in detail. Thanking you, Fatty X."—B.C.H.

He was a keen Rugby enthusiast, so keen that from the moment the Springboks hit New Zealand he packed his .wardrobe and joined the party. WherAS "PANTS" ever the Africans went THE HEART, he was like the dinghy. But he was like all chaps who go on tour or for a day or two's holiday. Instead of taking a couple of shirte, as many handkerchiefs and a change of suits, he packed all his "clobber," and carted, among other clothing, three suits. He managed to keep his wardrobe intact till he arrived at Invercargill. There a message was left for him asking him to call upon an old friend. He thought it would be a good idea to change from his golf suit and give his plus fours a rest. Opening up his box he lifted out three vests and coats, but nary a pair of pants. He had left three pairs under the mattress of the bed he had occupied in a Dunedin hotel. An urgent wire brought two pairs to Invercargill, but the third pair only landed in Auckland on Saturday. It is said that women always look under the bed before retiring for the' night—they are invariably disappointed—and it would be a good idea if men who make a practice of pressing their trousers under mattresses just had a peep before shifting their digs.—Johnny. Seeing that the New Zealand open golf championship has been one of the past week's star turns, it would seem an appropriate moment to mention that GOLF. the game in all probability originated not in Scotland, as is generally believed, but in Holland. A picture in "The Book of Hours," j made at Bruges, Holland, in the beginning of the sixteenth century, shows three players jeach with a single golf club, the head of which is apparently steel or iron. The golf ball is covered with leather. It is uncertain at what date the game was. introduced into Scotland, but the popularity of the game at one time had so obscured the more important pursuit of archery that the Scottish Parliament ordained that "the futeball and golf be utterly cryit doun and nocht usit." At later dates °if r v Acts were P a ** ed against the game of golf, but to no avail. The earliest golf balls apparently were made of leather stuffed with feathers. These were followed by balls of gutta percha, which in turn were replaced by the American-invented rubber-cored halls, which appeared in 1898. Their superiority to other balls lay in their greater resiliency, making them go much more lightly off the club, and, therefore, capable of far greater distance. Again, the rubber-cored balls did not show so obviously marks of ill usa?e with the club.—Johnny. " c

Accent reference to journalistic expenses recalled to a military, or, rather, ex-military correspondent, that there are such things as

,„-„,„, -.„ expenses in the Armv. "THAT BLESSED Studv rf King's RecnilaWORD." tions. Part 11.. was well

repp id. on one historic occasion, to present scribe who. with a brother subaltern, was sent 01. a "billeting tour" in southern England. A billeting tour, it should be explained, is an advance trip through unknown territory in order to arrange billets, or accommodation, for officers and men when a battalion, brigade or division proposes to make a move. On this occasion, early in 1915, the territory was exceedingly friendly, too friendly at times, in fact, but although most hospitably received everywhere the two twopippers found themselves trespassing for the umpteenth time on the generosity of Mr. Cox (For the benefit of those who knew not that fount of benevolence it should be explained that Cox and Company, of Charinsr Cross were army bankers, and many an ex-warrior who is now a pillar of commerce and a model of commercial rectitude "gave his overdraft a bending." What memories that will recall!) "However," as Mr. George Robey would sav one discovered Kings Regs., Part 11.. which evidently date back to the time of Waterloo or thereabout*, for there are such archaic items as "forage for l>east 4Jd." "cab for self 1/ " lodging allowance 7Ad," and so on. Anyway, every avenue was explored, and a bill for £11 12/44 (artistic total that) was presented by each of the duo. Moreover, the bills worked like Open Sesame. To get back to the correspondent who inspired this par he mentions a classic for which a young Xew Zealand staff officer was responsible in"cairo Every item had to be accounted for. particularly the cabs. He became rather tired of "cab to Kasr-el-Xil." "cab to Esbekievh" etc., so he got in a swift one with "cab to Arabiyeh." The point of this little effort is that "Arabiyeh" is Arabic for "cab." That worked, too. O blessed word.—Bouverie.

I know, or rather I have always understood, that if you drop a knife at home you can expect visitors. Or is it a spoon* or fork? Well, whatever it BLACK OUTLOOK, is. cutlery of some sort.

superstitious women will take it as the "office" to rush off and purchase a few cakes or tfincy biscuits, or a little luncheon sausage. "Mac." a fellow toiler, mentions that a new one was put over him this morning. He is one of those model husbands who rises early, get* his own breakfast, and takes his better h• if in a cup of tea the while she hangs on to the bed with an Tndian deathlock. This morning—it must have been washing day—she arose while he was preparing | the early meal ."'id noticed that he had put the kettle on the gas. but had omitted to put the lid on the kettle. She just looked at "Mac" —one of those looks which almost shriek, "T don't know whatever I saw in you!" and informed him that when the lid of a : kettle was left off you could bet your wasres !»• a china nest e?g that visitors would drop I"» some time during the day. And these days of high cost ml living, visitors are expensive.-— Johnny.