RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 234, 2 October 1937, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By "ZAMIEL.")

A Communist boasts that he never attended school when a lad. Xo doubt class-hatred was the reason.

Although suits «nd oases are frequently jont in the courts no one has ever yet lost a suitcase there.

An American boxer is studying to become a doctor. Jt won't surprise us to learn th.it he lias achieved fame as an anaesthetist.

An author was refused permission to enter Russia. We shall scan his publisher's autumn lists for "Kussia As I Should Have Seen It."

When your feet get tired relief can tie trained liy turning your sox inside out. says a medical man. In other words you turn the hose on them.

Sir Krnest Davis says the present Art '■allery building in Auckland is hopelessly inadequate for its purpose. He [minted a gloomy picture of the gallery.

A Viennese scientist is said to have discovered a substitute for human blood. We very much doubt, however, if the income tax people will be put off with that.

"I have flirted with every type of girl under the sun," a man told'* magistrate. His troubles will really begin when he staits that sort of tliiii£ under the moon.

The case is reported of a London boy who imagines that hot things are cold and cold things are hot. It is a quaint sight to see him blowing on hia icecream cornet.

A woman giving 6vidence in a divorc© action last week said her hysband, who had a coconut farm at Fiji, had left her and her two children. He couldn't have been nuts on her.

Tlie other day a wedding took place in a small motor boat off the American coast. Tho green complexion of the bridegroom was entirely due to the motion of the boat.

A film critic wants to know why American gangsters are apparently so fonel of playing billiards. Probably the fascination of putting a defenceless ball on the spot appeals to them.

A well-known pugilist is ft clever jazz pianist. Wo rather think the little boy next door has an ambition to shine in 'tho ring and the dance band because he apparently plays the piano while wearing boxing gloves.

An American philatelist, now oft his way to this country, claims to have secured stamps from the most jealouslvguarded collections in the United Stote*. Now he can try pitting his skill against our post office assistants.

Several American restaurants arc now announcing that they do not provide orchestral selections with meals. Thanks to the waiters, the custom of provieling meals with orchestral selections seems to he waning in some restaurants we know.

The other day a fire brigade was summoned to rescue a parrot, from the top of a tree. We hear that tho grateful bird expressed its thanks in a few wellchosen words and congratulated tho members of the brigade on their smart turn-out.

An old Rugbyite says there was more enthusiasm about Test matches when he was a l,oy. Well, in Saturday's Test the only thing that could have "aroused enthusiasm would have been for someone after the game to have grabbed the referee as a souvenir.

Reference is made in a contemporary to a revolution in a South American State that was over before the outside world realised it had started. The revolutionaries refused to run through it again for the sake of the newsreel companies.

We have probably seen more of your country than many of you have," said Mr. A. do \ illiers, manager of the Springboks team in an address at the liavel (lub. Probably if the Springboks had to pay their own fares as wc have to do they wouldn't have even reached New Zealand.

"COCK-A-DOODLE-DO!" The Dominion* prosperity is to a major extent <luc to the 'legislation passed last .year." The Hon. \\\ Xash in opening liirt iiudjret speech.

Complaints bv sleepless residents nhotit the lusty l.rarrcrj,,,, of tlio lord* of \\ fowl-rim* have led the council, on the recommendation of the If *rn I and finance committee, to take official aetinn. which nwiv l»riii" the careers of many of the roosters "to an early close.—News item.

Th " and the eackCOm V*'"-' «- ,o pcnT* SaSe 0f tho The d, , ;.v Uuty bo,,n "' pro, - ,nims The Icmale of t !io species likes to rhapsodise a " lay : - Since Time hpjrnn the barnyard has a daylight rendezvous. And nil Hie world is challenged by Its Cock-a-doodle-do !"

The inornhi o s*k! ft as hc "ghts thc The weather unpr'opltions as the chancing dies; H XIIO mui kct prico of new-laid eggs nay rise to hnlf-a-crown. The incubn tor experts may have flitted out of town. But still the rhickens on the roost will raise a bnllyhoo, Responsive to the summons of a ~Cock-a-doodle-do !"

Tho nlullt may leave a trail behind of terror and of gloom, The Fates may stage a tragedy. Ambition may presume, Humanity may have a cause for hatred and despair. But listen, as the flapping wings salute the morning air, The crowing of a waking fowl will give the ear a clue That day is the dawn—so "Cock-a-<loodle-do !" '/he trouble Is the rooster thinks he is the primal rause Of solar marvels and the dawn, instead of Nature's laws; He'll back his comprehension of what possibly occurs With strutting pomp which well displays his hackles and his spurs. Did someone t ly a braggart always "meets his Wfterloo?" He's on the way when people hear his "C'orka-do'odle-do 1" Thus, thus our humble feathered friends acclaim the break of day. From London to the Seven Seas, from Rome to Whangarei. The moral Is a simple one, as Budget speeches show — The "bird" that's on the highest perch has g»t the right to crow. But should the populace awake there'll be a cry of " Shoo ! " And chickens get the axe to cure their; " Cock a-doodle-do ! " I —E.A. I