THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 157, 5 July 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

LABOUR LYRICS. . THE SONG OF THE SPIKE. I sing of the bridge at Mohaka, That giant and spidery span, Defeating the gorge that would mock ft Much-heralded railroading plan. The job now completion is nearing. A prospect which Gisborneites like— I fancy I heard them all cheering As Semple drove home the last spike. The sleepy old town of Wairoa Is starting to stir from its nap. For not since the dim days of Noah. Has it been so close to the map. Once trasgsllers, taking that trail, rode On motor or horseback or bike; But soon they may go there by railroad Now Robert has driven the spike. Oh. Semple is surely a ■wonder. Far famed for spectacular ways; He'll hurry the job through, by thunder. And who gives a darn if it pays? His verbal contortions are supple, A hit on the platform or mike— Iguess now he'll hand me a couple Of running shoes, minus one spike! —SINBAD. Two matters outstanding in hackneyed discussions are "iDid Bacon write Shakespeare T" and "Was Columbus a Spaniard or an Italian?" The latter AJ>. 1492. subject is again in print, but this time it involves an argument about his burial place. Apparently the poor man's bones have been dug up and reinterred on several occasions, but still his true nationality remains unsettled. However, with many people it is not so much a question of what he was as why he did it.— B.C.H. "Touchstone" writes: A friend says that his daughter, a schoolgirl of thirteen, frequently heard "hotel" over the air pronounced without the "h." She SILENT "H." asked her teacher if the "h" should be sounded or not, and the teacher replied that either way was correct. Thk is sad news. Educated people never drop the "h" in this word. The great authority on words, Fowler, says, "The old-fashioned pronunciation with the V silent (as in humble, humour, humorous, honorarium) is certainly doomed, and is not worth fighting for." It may be added that "otel" is not only doomed but dead in polite society. Up at Whangarei, which once was famous for its forests, reafforestation is much in the public mind, and. tree planting is a popular ceremony when distinTREE PLANTING, guished visitors come along. In the Whangarei Hospital grounds an avenue of trees has been planted by distinguished people, one by the late Viscount Jellicoe. When the actingPrime Minuter, the Hon. P. Fraser, called there last week, a bright new spade was handed to him, and he duly placed a small pohutukawa in position. "I suppose when this is all over," he remarked, "the gardener will come along and see that it is put in right."—Mac. This dearth of deaths among parrots, mentioned in a recent news item, calls to mind the following rather pathetic little tale. "Cocky" was the KISS COCKY. family pet, a conversa-

tional fellow who enjoyed a chat. When speaking with the fair sex he ■was wont to converse in a high feminine voice, while mere males were always greeted in voices as deep as their own. Every night as his cage was covered he would say in a dreamy sing-song voice, "Kiss Cocky." Alas, Cocky was taken ill, and it was decided that a humane end should he put to his sufferings. In due course chloroform was procured, and one afternoon the family gathered around to watch his passing. His cage was covered. As he inhaled he grew drowsy and swayed on his perch- Making a last effort he blinked, opened his eyes, and said in a faint, sing-sonfe voice, "Kiss Cocky."—J.L. There have been so many good fish stories told that one about rabbits makes a welcome change. I make no apologies. I merely take the story from an EngA RABBIT STORY, lish newspaper and give it word for word. It is from "The Guardian," of May 15 last. The story goer?: Recently a Sheerness man, now residing "down under," related to his neighbours the story of a twenty-pound rabbit show. But would they believe it ? No! They snorted their disbelief and frankly told the ex-Sheernessian to "pull the other one." He did. He forwarded part of a show report published in the "Guardian" in November. 1908. Here it is: "On Saturday tire Isle of Shoppy Rabbit Club held its annual show at the Navy and Army Hotel. Blue Town. A room for the exhibits was kindly placed at the disposal of the committee by Mr. Woolf, and during the evening about 150 people went to the show. The various exhibits received a large amount of attention, particularly the doe shown by Mr. Miniken, which turned the scale at 201b soz."—Johnny. Read a paragraph the other dav wherein the proprietor of a very popular hotel bitterlv complained of the amount of cutlery which guests got away with THE PROOF. during a year. Not only knives, forks and spoons disappeared, but such handy pieces of silver as salt and pepper holders were much sought -after by collectors. This reminds one of the occasion when a son of Israel had attended a dinner given by one very high among the nobility. It was in the earlv hours of the morning when he was returning home. He had imbibed freely and with good taste and was jay-walking the footpath when he was met by a fellow clubman of the chosen race. Greetings were exchanged and questions asked. but when he who had attended the bkr dinner stated the fact it was received with suspicion. "Vhat. yer don'd believe me? Veil, have a look a' this." and pushing his hand into his top ooat pocket he pulled out a beautiful threebottle cruet, stamped E.P.X.S.—Johnny. "B.CN.'s" note on when onlv the reporter laughed in Court reminds me of" another legal occasion for laughter. It was away back in the dim and distant when THE COURT Chief Justice Prendergast LAUGHED, was on the Bench in a Wellington session. I had been called for jury service, and as Parliament was in session and there were the usual collection of conferences we were short-handed on the "Post" reporting staff. T had been instructed by Editor Greslev Lukin to a«k for exemption. The Court was crowded when my name was called. D. G. A. Cooper (now S.M.) was sheriff, and when I began to explain to the sheriff the C..T. asked inc. "What's the matter?" I then put mv request. It was refused. I then put the weird and wonderful proposition that if I were called to serve on n jury I should be permitted to report the case from the jury box instead of the reporters' bench- Naturally the C..T. looked at me in amazement and scowled his very worst Prendergast scowl as he thundered" out the only bit of wit that ever came from him: 'You cannot serve God and Mammon!" The big crowd in Court laughed out loud, partitas a tribute to the brilliant repartee and partly in delight jn seeing a newspaper man get such a back-hander. But the Chief Justice was so mellowed by the crowd's involuntary appreciation of his ready and apt witticism that he leaned over the' bench and asked. "Have yon no reason to offer whv von should be exempted?" I then told him' there was a capital charge on the sheet, that T had reported the case at the inquest and the S.M. Court hearings and had decidod views. "You are excused!" snapped the CJ., back to his old , form.—T.L.M.