GUESTS OF HIS MAJESTY.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 146, 22 June 1937, Page 19

GUESTS OF HIS MAJESTY.

Short Story

FROM the moment they came on board, clutching their bundles and looking around them so anxiously, tveryone apart from the pitiable oil magnate, who was going through the agonies of seasickness in search of health, took an interest in them. We were leaving an interesting ]>art of the world, and it seemed some consolation that we were taking a little part of it with us to London. So the old couple sat with us on the deck, and we shared a little in their wonder and amazement. I got their story from the purser, to whom it had been confided by the man who had brought them to the port. And we had to rely on the purser's word for its veracity, for no one on board could speak to them. ' j The old man, the purser said, had j saved up for this trip for years. His | life s ambition had been to see London. Some talc of childhood had probably fired his heart with this desire. [ By the use of many ineomprehen- | sible and a few significant signs, I indicated my friendliness, and carried on an amazing "conversation." The old man was the most loquacious person I have ever met. • • . . He talked to me for hours, his beard wagging and his gnarled hands gesticulating. And although I could do nothing but return him smile for smile and nod for nod, he never seemed to realise that I did not understand a word. Ho. loved talking just as much as his wife loved sitting by his side crocheting the bright shawls, of which they seemed to have dozens, and which, perhaps, they hoped to sell in London. I was with them on deck when we approached London. The old people were staring into the morning mist of the Thames estuary, and I was trying to indicate to thcin how near we were to their Mecca, when the purser beckoned me, and I followed him into his cabin. "Something rather unpleasant has occurred," he said. Unpleasant!" snorted the man of oil Apparently the word failed to give the occurrence the importance he thought it deserved. When I heard the story I had little sympathy for him. His wallet, containing over £200. had disappeared. Whv had ho left it lying about? Careless people deserve to lose their monev. The trouble is that those men who have made a career of money-making attach undue importance to their pounds and dollars and raise Cain when they lose any. As if £200 mattered to him. The coat he was wearing must have cost at least twice that amount; his dyspepsia had probably cost him a million to acquire. "Have you searched the cabin?" I asked. '\V hat s the good of searching the eabin when , we know w ho's got it"?" he oiiarlcd. • • • . I looked inquiringly at the Mr. A. said the purser (I won't mention the magnate's name; he's too well known), "says, the money has been stolen. . . bv the old man and his wife." linpossible." T said, and demanded to know upon what grounds the accusation was made. The wallet. I was told, had been missed immediately after a visit the couple had paid to the cabin. Anyhow there was nothing for it but to question the couple. But how? "Search them!" barked Mr. A. It was brutal, .but unavoidable, said the purser when I protested. 1 was made the unwilling go-between. By much waving of hands and demonstration with mv own wallet I indicated to the ■old man wbat. had hap|>ened. When I went with liim j& his cabin and began opening his bundle"lie looked at me with mild and half-tfinused surprise. We unwrapped t Hip-shawls'. Tn the centre was a collection of chattels too varied to describe. ... And then I got a -hock. From a wrapping,of stitT foreign paper protruded the ends ! of a wad of crisp new British banknotes.. Mr. A. gave a whoop and pounced for them, and the old man rushed forward. I was too quick for either of them. The old man. who seemed to fear Mr. A. getting the notes, seemed to l>e reassured when T held thein. "How much did vou sav there' was?" T asked Mr. A. He blustered and demanded the money, said it was obvious that til's was his, and that he had no idea of j

By THEO LANG

tlie numbers. A man wlio doesn't knowhow much he has with him at anv given moment, and doesn't know the serial numbers of such a packet of new notes hart obviously so much money that he deserves to lose it. Even the purser thought so. but that didn t make the position anv better for the suspected two, and the police were told the whole story when tliev came on board. I was convinced that the old people were innocent. No doubt some friend or travelled son had changed their life's savings for them. But the police were not so easily convinced, and they were shepherded to the police car. 1 heir smiles to the police officers and to the purser and myself made the whole affair more pathetic than ever. * • • . To nie the affair was a tragedy, but the evening papers got a laugh out of the incidents when the couple appeared before the magistrate. The magistrate smiled benignly at the old couple when they appeared in the dock. The old man smiled back and his wife dropped a dignified curtsey. The magistrate listened gravely to the evidence of arrest. But nothing could be asked of the two people charged. The most frantic questioning brought only smiles and nods and a stream of unintelligible sound from the old man. "Remanded until to-morrow," said the magistrate. The night was spent in scouring universities, schools, offices, and Government Departments for someone who could interpret their dialect. He was found, an aged professor, whose unacknowledged distinctions were found to include a knowledge of most of the dialects of that part of the world. But almost as the police were congratulating themselves on this discovery another discovery was made. The steamer wirelessed that a passenger had discovered a wallet containing £233 behind the folding toilet in hie cabin. Here was a nice fix. The police and, later, the Home Office, were faced with a nasty problem. The papers, which had taken up the amusing case of the defendants who could not be understood, got hold of the story, and went as far as they legally dared in their criticisms of the authorities and all concerned. Two innocent people, an old man and hi* wife, visitors to the capital of Britain, had been wrongfully imprisoned and subjected to the ignominy of suspicion and accusation. What was to be done about it? Through the medium of the interpreter, I was told, some form of apology was made. I felt that more than this was required. I got in touch with the professor and he anked me to lunch. He was very amused about the whole affair, and I protested. It was pretty heartless, I said, for him to treat it so lightly. ' He laughed. "You needn't worry about them," he said. "They think there is no place in the world so wonderful as v England i no people anywhere so kind and hospitable." I expressed my surprise. "This is what the old man managed to tell me," continued the, professor. "I must confess, however, that mv knowledge of the dialect did not lielp nie much in conversing with him. Even the words I could get in went unheeded. In fact, it was over an hour before I discovered that both he and his wife are stone-deaf. "The old man told me that Ixrtidon was wonderful. He had always looked forward to coming here, but never knew he would be treated so well. • • • • "As soon as the ship arrived at the dock he was received by soldiers in dark blue uniform, taken to a car. escorted through the streets, and housed in a beautifully clean room in a large hotel. "During the whole of the time they were looked after and fed as they had never been looked after and fed before in their lives. "The old man was particularly pleased with the food. It, apparently, did not try his gums. . . . Only one thing worried him." "What was that?" "Try as he would he could not explain to the attendant that he could not open the door himself." "It's a pity they hadn't really stolen the money." I said. "Why ?" "Then they would have been guests of His Majesty for a longer period." "I believe," said the professor gravely, "that you're trying to moralise."