In Merrier Mood

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 126, 29 May 1937, Page 2 (Supplement)

In Merrier Mood

i PRIZE FOR BEST STORY. i

cAnecdotes etni Stories s

J Fop the best Anecdote sent in each week | I a prize of five shillings is awarded. J J The prize this week goes to Mrs. G. ( I Roes, c/o of 47a, Cook Street, Hamilton I ■ East, for " Honeymooning." J J .....j

HONEYMOONING. They were newly married and on their honeymoon trip. They stopped at a skyscraper hotel, and as the bridegroom felt a little indisposed, the bride said she would slip out and do some shopping. In due time she returned and tripped blithely up to her room, a trifle awed by the number of doors that looked all alike. But she was sure of her own, and gently tapped on the panel. "I'm back, honey, let me in!" she called rapping loudly. JCo answer. " Honey, honey, it's I—your Queenie. Do let me in." There was silence for several minutes. Then a man's voice, cold and full of dignity, came from the other side of the door. ' " Madam, this is a bathroom—not a beehive."

He: I look upon hiking as a tonic. She: Yes, and a passing lorry as a pick-me-up, I suppose? Judge: Is the prisoner a known thief? Constable: A known thief! 'Why, he'd steal the harness off a nightmare! I 1 Teacher: Have you made up your list of the 11 greatest men in the world yet, foniiny? Tommy: Xot quite, miss. I can't decide on a goalkeeper. Fond Parent: My son lias taken up French, Spanish, Dutch and German. Listener: Goodness! Where does he study ? "He doesn't do any studying—he's a lift hoy in a big hotel." Lawyer: If you have an alibi, why don't you let the Court hear it? That will clear you of suspicion. Prisoner: Shu6h! I was out with my typist, but my wife's in Court, and I'd J rather go to prison than let her know where I was. Cohen: You don't look too well, Jacob. What is the matter? Jacob: I've just been to see a doctor and he is going to take my appendix away. ''Don't let him do it. Put it in your wife's name and then they can't touch it." Lady (to deaf butcher): Well, Mr. Smallbones, how do you fin.! yourself j to-day? Snmllbones: Well, I'm pretty ; well used up. mum. Every rib's gone, they've almost torn me to pieces for my shoulders, and I never had such a run on my legs. A man who was walking with his friend in Cumberland said to liiini Did >'p u that notice we've just passed. ".Tourist trips over the mountains?" "No," said his friend. "I did not. But why worry about him. Why couldn't he have looked where he was going?" Look here.' said the master to the maid, "why did-you tell your mistress what time I came in last when T told you not to?" "T didn't," replied the maid. "She asked me what time vou came in, and I told her I was too busy getting the breakfast ready to notice the clock." Mandy had been given leave to attend her sister s wedding. On her return she entertained licr "white folk" with a full account of the proceedings. After listening to a glowing description of the gowns, the supper, and the guests. Mandy s mistress said: You haven't told us anything about the bridegroom. Mandy. What is he like?. Mandy: Laws. Miss Mary, dat darned old nigger he never did turn up. An artist had a dog to which lie was greatly attached. When his pet contracted ail affection of the throat, the artist sent for a specialist. When ho found he had been called to treat a dog the doctor was far from pleased. How"ever, lie examined the animal's throat, prescribed for it. and departed. A day jor two later he sent for the artist. On his arrival at the studio the specialist said gravely: "I wanted to see vou about painting niv front door." i

SMILES AND SELF-HELP. Mother: Were yon a good boy at party T Johnny: Yes, mamma. Mother: And you didn't ask fl . anything at the table? Johnny: No, I didn't; I asked one* sad they didn't hear me, so I helped myssK. ONCE BITTEN. Mrs. Stickup: Why weren't jvm. masquerade ball last night? last season. Mr. Pickup: Yes, and whea were removed I discovered Fd whole evening and fine pounds Haifa, with my own wife. DRASTIC An old local preacher at the chapel was giving out the notfowt fc the week. As yet no preacher i"*} lan obtained for the following week, announced: "The minister for next Sunday, mr friends, will be pinned upon the do**" TRUE. you must be very eareful how you answer,'' said counsel, "and not ay anything that is not strictly true. You drive a milk cart, don't you?" "Xo, sir." "But I thought you did. What fe you do for a living then?"' "I drive the horse that pulls the milk . cart, sir." OBSTRUCTION. A party of hikers were having tea in a shady corner of the cottage garden. The old country wife came hurrying out of her cottage just as one of the hikers was having trouble with the spout of the teapot. "What's the matter with your teapot, missus /" he asked, "it won't pour out." "Ah." r*aid the woman, "I spect 'tis one nf them tadpoles pot stuck in the spout. The old well be full on 'um.* I SOME CAT. Bill was loudly praising his eat 4s a good catcher of mice, and invited his friend George down one night to see it perform. Pussy was sitting at the fireside when suddenly a mouse ran ri»ht across its path, but pussy took "no notice. I say,". said Georpe, "did vou sm that. Biil ?" "Oh. that's all right; that mouse was one of our own. Wait until a stranger comes in." r

THE HORSE LOST. "That horse of yours looks poor, Patsy," said the stranger, as he slowly mounted a jaunting car in Dublin. "Arrali. yer honour, not poor, bat unlucky he is." "Unlucky! How's that?" " 'Tis like this, yer honour. Ev'ry mornin' I toss whether he has a feed o' corn or I have a glass o' whisky. An' begob, tis he has lost for five mornin's runnin'!" I IT WORKED. An Aberdonian, living alone, had an early morning train to catch. Being a heavy sleeper he was afraid he wouldn t wake up in time. Several possibilities presented themselves, bot every one of them meant that he would •have to give someone a tip. In the end he addressed an envelope to himself and posted it without a stamp. Early next morning there came a thunderous knock on the door. The Scot got out of bed and opened the window. "Here s a letter for you," called the postman. "Thruppence* to pay." "Tak' it back," shouted the Aberdonian. "Carelessness like that doesna' deserve to be encouraged." ) ' THE FARMER'S BOY. Two American boys were on a visit to their cousin in Britain, who lived on a farm. The young \ankees were boasting about the merits of their respective fathers. Said one: "My father built the tallest skyscraper iu the States. Look me over boys, look me over." "That's nothing." remarked the second. "My pop designed the largest air liner in the world. Look me over, boys, look me over." For a second or two their English cousin remained silent. "Well." said one of the cousins, "what remarkable achievement can we credit your father with?" "Look me over boys, look me over,"* came the quiet answer. I QUITE TRUE. The vicar of a mining \ illage sent a i pair of boots to the cobbler for repairs, | but Bill, who had been imbibing rather freely, felt no inclination for work, so the l>oots were not touched that day. Next morning his nerves were rather shaky, and lie longed for "a hair of the dog that bit him." His own boots were ' rather dirty, s,. he thought there was no harm in i«utting on the ti*r-«>nV. which he accordingly <li<l. and -:arted off for ! the village pub to uet a seviver. He had not gone far when whom did he meet but the vicar, who said: "I sent my boots down for repair. \JTilliam. ' Are they not lini-hed yet'-"' j "Why. mister." answered Bill calmly, "they're not mended yet, but they're on j the road."