RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 108, 8 May 1937, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By "ZAMTBL.")

Japan refuses to "co-operate" anywhere except in China. Mussolini has revived Caesar, but now he has to suppress Caesius and Brutus. Communists can at least claim that it was Eric the Red who discovered America. "Do it now," because to-morrow there will either be a tax on it or a law against it. Then there was the minister who kissed the bride and gave the groom his money back. It is not a public service, says a Parliamentarian, to hoard up money in a bank. So what a good boy am I! An earthquake in Eotorua reported. But it may only be a tourist shuddering at his breakfast. A meteorologist prophesies that Coronation Day will be fine. He means " may," of course. I ' A friend of ours, a recent convert, informs us that you have to go to church early to get a back seat. If all the red tape were knotted end to end it would take a Government commission to find where the far end was. Another Jewish persecution has broken out in Germany. Has Herr Hitler never heard of Nebuchadnezzar? In Spain the "rightists" are attacking the "leftist*." 7n New Zealand the "in rightists" are laughing at the "left outiste."

An insurance man of out acquaintance boasts that his firm can cover anything —except chorus girls and bathing beautits. ' —— You are born in a > hospital; you marry in a church; you die in a motor smash. So what do you want a home for? Reported that the Waitakeres are infested with wild cats. The animals are believed to be escapees from the Stock Exchange. "Miss Modern" writes to ask how to remove nicotine stains from her fingers. We suggest that she help mother wash the tea dishes. One thing about New Zealand politicians 'of fifty years ago—they weren't everlastingly talking about what Dick Seddon would do. Reported that Herr Hitler has instituted a strict censorship of radio programmes. So he has heard some of these amateur efforts, too? The pedestrian is given the right of way on city street crossings. About the same sort of protection that the League of Nations gave Haile Silassie. Thinking back on the neat currency inflation that Germany staged during the early post-war years, we may still hear that Ethiopia really won the war. 1 — Reported that the climate of Abyssinia is fatal to many Italian settlers. That makes it, in Mussolini's opinion, the ideal place to which to send rising young Fascists. "More people are killed by worry than by hard work," a psychologist declares. That is probably because most people are worrying while only some are working. A protagonist for the teaching of Maori in New Zealand schools says that French is absolutely useless. Still, the French would have some -difficulty in getting on without it. It takes, so a scientist has discovered, one-fortieth of a second to wink the eye. And it often takes the rest of the 59 minutes, 59 and SJMOths seconds to explain to the wife that it was onlv a speck of dust.

A Chinaman, resident in Grey Avenue, was recently in Court for indiscriminately practising shooting with an airgun. It is rumoured that he had Jcartiorl that a Jap. was coining to live in the neighbourhood.

Having read the Government's new pensions and superannuation-for-all proposals, an English visitor says that he never believed in telling children there was a Santa Claus, hut to tell daddy there's one is, he maintains, unpardonable.

In a happy dream the other night, we thought we flaw a constable arrest a motorist for being "intoxicated in charge of a car" and test the motorist by asking him to repeat "It's a braw bricht moonlicht nicht, the nicht." And the motorist was Harrv Lauder.