THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 100, 29 April 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By WW MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

"Touchstone" writes: Some of the most amusing stories are connected with the origin of common phrases. The phrase "to catch a Tartar" is based on the OLD PHRASES, following story: "An Irish soldier in the Imperial service, in a battle against the Turks, called out to a comrade that he had caught a Tartar. "Bring him along, then,' said tlie comrade. 'He won't come,' said Paddy. 'Then come along yourself.' said the comrade. 'Arrah,' said the Irishman, 'he won't let me.'"

There is one man a"i>out town who has been going round the corners to have a quiet giggle to, and at. himself lately. He built a little camp in the mounA JOB FOR tains —you know the sort AN EXPERT, of camp I mean, every modern convenience, h. and c.. c. and t.. f. h'se and run, and all the rest of it. An unusual circumstance led to an emergency visit, and while he was there a cup of tea was indicated. But the electric stove would not work. The hot points all proved washouts, and the lights, when they were tried, proved a dark and dismal failure. Nothing to do but to get an expert on the job, so an electrician was hurriedly summoned by telephone. Out he rushed by car, and the problem was put be "ore him. "I'll liavj a look," lie said, as Ik; approached the main installa ion. "Ah."' he said, after a quick glance, '"you'll find this system works a lot

better when the meter is turned on." and as he pulled the little lever every light in the house swung into complete and instantaneous action.—K.

The days of the gold-mining boom have left us many abandoned holes in the ground, tone of handsome but worthless scrip, and

some good yarns, of A CORNISH which our old friend DODGE. 'Henry, who dug for riches

fifty odd year* ago, has an extensive store. The casual gesture of one of the gathering in running his fingers through his hair reminded Henry to spin the one about the wily Cousin Jack and the even wilier Yankee boss. A "shot" had revealed a "jeweller's shop"—a patch of fabulously rich quartz —and the boss, a long, melancholylooking Yank, sought the most trustworthy man amongst the Cornish miners to bag up the treasure. His choice, naturally, was Trevarthen, a most austere and godly man, lay preacher in the local chapel. Only a boss who was up to all the tricks of the trade would have noticed that now and again Trevartlien would run his fingers through his long, thick mop of hair, but, when Trevarthen had completed his task, he was, by the boss' orders, seized by half a dozen of the heftiest men available. "Jest take that guy and see what you can pan nut of his hair." the boss commanded. And when Trevartlien's head had been thoroughly and urgently washed it yielded three-quarters of an ounce of gold dust which the wily Cousin Jack had wiped off his fingers. —I.M.

Down 011 a farm in the province lived a young wrestling enthusiast. He had never seen a match, but he bad read a lot about the game, and had a book HOME-MADE of holds. In default of WRESTLER, a human opponent, he rigged up a bag of straw in the barn and took it out of that with all the force and second-hand knowledge of which he was capable. To the district there came one of the visiting bad men of the ring, and when he heard of the youth's, enthusiasm he was keenly enough interested to show him something. The pair stripped and got on to the improvised mat. "Do what you like to me," said the matman. "I won't hurt you in any way." They rassled round a bit, and then the amateur, seeing a chance, suddenly let go a drop-kick. The expert went out cold, so cold that for a minute or two the youngster thought he had killed him. Gradually he came to a realisation of his surroundings. "Jumping .Toe." he veiled, "where on earth did you learn that trick?" "Practising 011 a bag of straw." came the reply. "Well, try something with a little less kick in it," said the wrestler, as the lesson resumed.—K.

Our record at the Rugby game is one that none can scorn: but. sad to say. New Zealand's J fame will soon be sadly torn. To those who are inclined to doubt. T TELL IT now present with pride I TO RIPLEY. some unveracious facts about the coming Springing side. Their forwards are such mighty cracks, the day is bound to come when they'll appear with thirteen backs, and pack a twoman scrum. There's Biff, a giant overgrown, the heftiest of men; he tops the scale at twentv stone, and stands just six feet ten. There's Bang—my spirit it alarms to hear lies on (he way; he's fitted with extension arms, for better line-out play. Van AValby's a three-quarter fine, so very swift in flight that when he dashes down the line he sets the flags alight. Black magic is the halfback's art. which baffles not a few, for trickv movements he can start while veiled from human view. The best full-back they had was barred, and won't appear at all; the trouble was. he kicked so hard he always bust the ball. The centre's good at nicking hole' (or making them instead) and has a knack of potting goals while standing 011 his head. There's not a doubt that with our teams they'll have a lot of fun; the prospect's ominous, it seems—and now you tell me one.— Sinbad.

Very soon there will be a rapid increase in the mortality rate among aged motor ears. The new legal requirement that earn must possess a certificate of fitTHE CROCK. ness has sounded the knell

of hundreds of veterans that had lingered on to show the newer models that the cars that were made long ago were tough, if nothing else. If the strict letter of the law had been observed the process of annihilation would have commenced a month ago. But sundry reasons operated to prolong the lives of the aged and infirm. For oiip tl\ing there was not the equipment in the country, nor were there the necessary supplies of spares. The number of people whose screen wipers would not work appeared to be phenomenal, and every other garage had a long waiting list of cars that required this particular renewal before they could comply with the standard that Mr. Kemple has prescribed. Xow, however, the shortage of equipment and spares appears to be at an end. and the motor repair people are all on the job putting into order those cars that still may be saved. The next step will be the attention of the law to those whom the cunning of mechanics cannot save, and they will go to join the infinite yesterdays. Which is a thing that fills me with glee. Not that T have any disrespect for that which is venerable, nor any impatience *ith age, per se. But I have my eye on one particular old crock. I don't know 'who ow'ne it. All I know is that every now and again it creeps slyly in during the earlv morning and steals the parking position in a handy side street that I had adopted as my own. About four mornings in succession I am left in undisputed possession of the stand that I have made mine by long possession. On the fifth morning I will find this battered old wreck in usurping possession. That is whv I am counting the days. Presently it will be there no more,—B.O'N.