THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 47, 25 February 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

SONG OF SOUTHDOWN. When freezing workers differ They stay-in for a spell: The sheep, left in their paddock. Stay in as well. But there's one thing at Southdown That nothing can compel To follow stay-in tactics — And that's the smell. —T..C

Xone of us knew enough about natural history to place tlie liiHl<ielm<r in its proper classification in the animal world, but, the subject having 'been raised THE NEW by Tomjim. who accused HEDGEHOG, the little creature of kill- » ing his chickens, all hands waded into an argument on the subject. Harry reckoned that Little Prickly wa*t blood brother to the rats, while Bill maintained that he was closer akin to the stoats and weasels and their kind. Then Frank put in. in his quiet way, a remark that silenced everyone. "You're all wrniif;," he aflirmed. "The real hedgehog of to-day is merely a human variety which has developed aa a natural reaction to the road-hog. (Jo- for a stroll on one of these 'quiet , country lanes where there is a steady double stream of traffic both ways and you will meet plenty of 'hedgehog* , that don't look much different from yeurself. Both of you are, for safety's sake, keeping ae close to the hedge as you can. Well, the hedgehog is the blighter that will never give way. He always clings to the hedge and makes the other fellow—or even a woman —go outside him."—l.M. Xeaily every local body lias its l>ore, the member who rises to every item on the agenda paper, clears his throat with a noise like a foghorn, and. in twenty RESCUE — BY or thirty minutes of BAIRNSFATHER. measured and pompon* period*, says — exactly nothing. If there is among the members of the foody one who can "head off" the orator lie is more to be prized than a Government eubsidy on the drainage works. The Mount Blank Borough Council has its orator, but also it has a member of whom orators are the natural prey. On the question of spending 11/6 or some such amount on patching the footpath in Dud Street, the orator had a speech already prepared. Risinar. he cleared hie throat violently. "Mr. Mayor, fellow councillors, , ' he began, "taking thie borough as a whole ." "If yer knows of a better 'ole, go to it!" came from the other side of the table. Under the "Old Bill" moustache that hides the lower part of the orator's face his mouth shut with a snap, and he subsided. — l.M.

After reading "I.M.'s" 'Vroblem in Etiquette" I. myself a member of the fair sex, strongly support his decision of allowing those women who insist on inPOUND — vadiug the smoking comAN ALLY, partment to stand. "1.M." probably knows that his par., while evoking the sympathy of the entire male community, will incur the vigorous opposition of the female section, who really realise that he is absolutely justified in retaining his seat in the smoking division of a public conveyance. Most women do not hesitate in this acknowledged men's carriage, •but pass right through to the seats in the lessfrequented compartment. Of course, there are exceptions, who, 'by sarcastic hints and unnecessary swaying on straps, rely on that unrestricted sense of duty which prompts the luckless male to surrender hi* seat. Which reminds us of the girl in danger of having to '•strap-hang" who turned to the nearest seated occupant, exclaiming, "Oh, how do you do. Mr. Hrown!" To which the unfortunate victim made reply. "Hullo. Mary, fancy seeing you out on washing day!" Are we always too busy asserting our own rights to acknowledge those of the opposite sex? —.T.L.C. "Touchstone" writes: "More than anything else." writes a Swedish authority on languages, '"the richness of the English language manifests itself THE WISE in its great nunilier of PERSIAN, synonyms, whether we take this word in it* strict sense of words of exactly the same meaning or in the leaser sense of words with nearly the same meaning. It is evident that the latter class must be the most valuable, as it allows speakers to express subtle shades of thought. Juvenile does not signify the same thing as youthful, ponderous as weighty, portion as share, miserable as wretched. Legible means 'that can be read.' readable generally 'worth reading.' Sometimes the Latin word is used in a more limited special or precise sense than the English, as is seen by a comparison of identical and name, science and knowledge, sentence and saying, latent or occult and hidden." A youthful friend asks for the solution of an old conundrum that has been current for centuries. A Persian died, leaving seventeen camels, and bequeathed [them to his three sons, the eldest of whom wa« to receive half, the second a third and the third a ninth. "Is this possible?"' asks the correspondent. It seemed impossible until a wise man lent the sons one of his own camels, making eighteen. Then the eldest eon took nine, the second six and the third two. Each of them received more than his share, and the wise man received his camel back. Mention in recent news of various minor discoveries by prospectors in the South Island moves "Hermul" to spin a yarn. After the "roaring days" had passed HOGAWS away (writes "Hermul") NUGGET, there arrived at Hokitika a typical English "Johnnie. He could distinguish gold from sawdust, but had no knowledge of goldmining. His great ambition was to find a nugget to send Home to his "sistah."' The English greenhorn was taken in hand by "Paddv" Hogan. and the two men went ground sluicing. One day Hogan wn* at the "face."' and the Homie was in the tail-race—no doubt looking for a nugget. A yell from the Irishman brought the "Johnnie" to him. Hogan had unearthed a big nugget. The two men made for their shack, and the nurget turned the scales at fourteen ounces—worth about fifty-four pounds. The Englishman offered to buy Hogan'rt share, and "Paddy" closed the deal Hogan suggested to his 'mate to post find straight away to his sister, as the mail was closing for England in a few days. "Johnnie" set to work immediately, packed the nugget in a cigar box. and deposited the packet, securely fastened, in the P.O. that evening. The new* of the find spread, and ] Hogan treated the "hoys" , right royally. I was on the Coast when the Ross' record nugget was found, and came across Hogan in a bush "pub." He smiled when I asked"a'bout his nugget, and confided in me as follows: "The Englishman is dead. So it dneou't matter now. It wasn't gold at all. It was lead. I moulded it and filed it down to make it look water worn. T first covered it with gold paint and then with gold leaf. If the 'boys' had seen it the eat would have been out of the lmg." "And did the Englishman ever find out?" f asked. 'Wo.'" said Ho«an "I met him years after in Wellington, and' he informed me. 'My sistah put it in a glass case in the hall. And everybody admvahs it. Awfully jolly, old chappie' , \wfullv jolly!" "And." concluded Hogan. "as far as I know the faked nugget is «till on exhibition in the ancestral hall in. England."