A Horse Divided Against Itself

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 44, 22 February 1937, Page 17

A Horse Divided Against Itself

By ELIZABETH MASTERS

i- the story of Algy, a perfonnj[ i"- . appearing at iiuu>eri the season, and. for the rot. a.- Ihe la.-t act at sundry .smalltown |iviiK'ia 1 niusie-lialls.

Hubert and Horace, who l>otweeu theiu compri.-ed Algy'-, extremities. were twins, and so niucli alike that lew could tell them .ipart, save that Horace, Algv's latter end. sported a red tie, while Hubert favoured a blue one.

Apai t. from the fact that they were twins, liul>ert and Horace were inseparable companions, and fortune smiled upon them jointly when they signed a four-week contract with Hackemback's "world-famous"' circus—world-famous in so far as it. had once played for a week in one of the smaller and lesser known varietv 'muses in London.

But fortune is a notoriously fickle lady, and Hubert and Horace were soon to have a rude awakening.

For the week they started work with the circus, in the highest spirits, fate fantastically and romantically joined hands with fortune and stood right across their path in the very lithesome form of Marianne, the trapeze artist.

From the lirst moment Hul>ert and Horace set eyes on Marianne their hearts were hers, which says volumes for her charms, since it happened at Wigan, tinlast place you would associate with liomance.

Neither told the other of this allconsuminjr passion. lint ♦•very 11 i«»ht they would eaeli stand clandestinely hidden behind the scenes, watchinjr the graceful Marianne swing high and low 011 the flying trapeze.

Then, when each thought the other safely out of the way, he would repair to her caravan with a larjre bunch of tlowers and invite the ladv out.

So Marianne, finding Wisran ratlier a dull place, and having for the time l«ing nothing better to do, went out one

night with Hubert, and the next with Horace, for she was without any doubt a girl who knew her way about the world.

In short, her fickle charms had put both halves of Algy's carcase in a bad war.

By the end of the week they had been led well up the proverbial garden, both of them too enraptured ever to notice the thorny brambles that lay thick across the path!

And here was Saturday night —their last night in Wigan —with each of Algy's halves secretly bent on spending it, after the show, with Marianne. And each, if iys courage held out, grimly determined to ask for the lady's' hand. With this end in view, Hubert, grasping a huge bunch of chrysanthemums, accordingly repaired to Marianne's caravan.

Though some say "great minds think alike," it is also said that "fools never think apart." And it so happened that Horace, on the strength of some tripe and onions, and with an armful of arum lilies, had chosen that precise moment to do likewise —that is, to ask the fair Marianne to sup with him that night and then to become Mrs. Horace Amblebotham. Of course, the inevitable happened.

Outside the door of the caravan, Hubert and Horace collided with a bump that completely knocked out of Horace's head a particularly purple patch of Shakespeare with which he'd intended to preface his forthcoming proposal.

Hubert and Horace were tongue-tied, and, a moment later, beat an unceremonious retreat when "The Only Voice" from the door of the caravan curtly reminded them that they were the first turn on it and it was about time for the show to start. . . .

A great crowd filled the circus tent itself, and creaking chairs and shuffling f*et showed that \Vigan was impatient at having to wait for value for its money. The "orchestra," consisting of six beery-looking individuals, dressed in illfitting scarlet coats, had just finished playing the overture, one of Souza's marches, for the fifth" time. The bewildered and perspiring conductor lapped his baton three times sharply. "Once again, hif you please," he ordered, nervously twirling his waxed moustache, of which, after years of careful pruning and training, he was justly proud. This was too much for the audience. To put it mildly, they were "fed oop with circus" —if there was going to be any circus. Boos, hisses, catcalls, whistles resounded everywhere, while the shuffle had grown to a thunderous stamping on the wooden tiers. And then Algy, composed of the brothers Amblebotham, ambled into the ring. Ironical clapping and cheering broke out, accompanied by cries of: "Eh, "lad, that's a horse —that was!" . . . "My old mare cin do better'n that!" and bo on. But Algv's hide was fortunately thick, and Hubert and Horace were far too busy spoiling for a fight to notice what was going on. At that critical moment Algy's front leys slipped on a banana skin that someone had thrown into the ring, and down came his hindquarters on top of them. Roars of laughter drowned the booing. "'A nice trick," spluttered Horace. "Tryin' to ruin our act —are vert" Upon which, without further ado, a hind leg kicked out.

(SHORT STORY.)

\\ ith a thud the blow found its mark. Wrathfully, but ineffectually, Hubert tried to struggle up. Algy was a trulv comic sight.

He lay there folded up like a concertina, and every time iiis two parts tried to get on their feet again the concertina expanded, as though filled with wind: then it swayed together again and crumpled up iiat.

It also "brought the house down," and for the first time in his career Algy was reallv a sensation.

•'Come on, Steve." shouted a would-be wit. "lie ave yerself, or we'll ave to get Gordon to ride yer in Derby!" yelled another.

With the brothers Amblebotham finally on their feet, Algy ceased to be a "prop" horse, and developed into a stand-up fight.

Round and round lie went in circles, like a spinning top. And as the orchestra ended with a blatant fanfare, Horace, handicapped by Algy's rear covering, lashed out with liis legs, got tangled up with Hubert, and down they went, over and over and over again . . .

Suddenly, Hul>ert and Horace realised that the orchestra had stopped, and the frenzied yells of the audience brought them sharply to the conclusion that they were getting 'the bird."

Scrambling to their feet tliey took to their heels, and with more speed than elegance galloped out of the ring.

"Well, that's bin and gone and done ii." thought Horace miserably. "That'll b' 'good-bve' to our contract all right."

.. Then he thought of Marianne, and

climbing out of Algy's interior, made of!' tn the changing tent to smarten himself up a i>rospective bridegroom.

"Well, that's torn it. vnu liet." mumbled llulw.-rt to himself as he followed suit.

When they reached the tent each found a note addressed to himself. "I'll bet it comes from the manager," they

thought. But what each read w*b: "Sorry, can't see you to-night. My husband "arrived this evening.—Marianne.'

Thereupon-the hearts of Algy's twin halves promptly returned to their accustomed places. Marianne was married, and she had made fools of them both, to say nothing of their ruined, act. Glumly and together they went to where their wages, if any, would be awaiting them. Their wcrrst fears were realised. The manager wanted to see them in his office.

"You go in first," said Horace. "You're used to it. I'll bring up the rear as usual!"

Inside, things looked even blacker than they thought. The manager sat at a small table which served as a desk, and, beside him, in the only other chair the room boasted, sat the big "boss" not only ot this but of several other circuses.

The manager's first words fairly took the wind out of Algy's two halves. "1 congratulate you both," he said. '"Never seen Algy's act put over like you put it on to-night. Nor has Mr. Spills, and he knows an act when he 6ees one."

The great Mr. Spills himself then had his say on what he thought of Algy's sensational performance, and followed up his words with deeds. As a result, Hubert and Horace Amblebotham affixed their signatures and Algy's services to a contract at a salary thev'd never dreamt of.

Gradually their thoughts turned in unison to Marianne. For, after all, was it not the fickleness of that lady which had set Algy's four legs so fantastically and yet so firmly on another garden path—the path of Fame, that Algy's four feet would henceforth tread for a long time.