THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 42, 19 February 1937, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MJHI ABOUT TOWW.)

THE UNWELCOME GUEST. A Minister to Southland went a-touring. To see hla men administer the 1 1 aw ,* , 1 ,i r ,-. With hopes, perhaps, of ultimately luring A few more votes toward the Labour cause. He called upon the members for the district, But now lie feels extremely hurt and sore, For etiquette in Southland seemingly is strict— _ . The butler turned him co'dly from the door. His topper was quite fashionably glossy — In fact a very thoroughbred of hats; No London clubman, senile, dull and mossy, Could ever match the splendour of his spats. He wore a rose or possibly a geum. And carried gloves the proper shade of , chrome, But Hardest all the same declined to see him ; And Hamilton sent answer. "Xot at home." He staggered back In horror and in anguish— He knew his morning coat was all correct; His trousers would make Bertie Wooster languish, His cane was right to finish the effect; Yet here » what prevented his admission. And made his hosts an audience refuse: How could they offer social recognition To one who went to call in running shoes? —SINBAD. "Touchstone" writes: "Xot a Modernist" oaks whether the Lord's Prayer would not more properly be expressed "Our Fa.tb.er Who art in Heaven," instead of ARCHAIC "Which art." No. "Which TREASURE, art" is archaic, but it is worth retaining for that very reason. Up to about 1600Twhich" **»» used for persons, and it wa« not earlier than 1000 that "who" was substituted. The change occurred almost .simultaneously with a significant departure from the old wbrd-gehder rules. Old English had three gender classes, but "he" was used for many things not masculine and "she" for man/ things not feminine (as in modern French). The language gained in simplicity by giving up these arbitrary genders and applying "he" only to male, "she" only to female things, and "it" only to inanimate things. As a consequential change, "his," at one time neuter as well as masculine, became "its," and "which" for animate things became "who,"

Wa« Cinderella's slipper made of glass or of squirrel skin? This question has been raised by an eminent Wellington librarian, who points out that the BOOTS AND ALL. tale was originally written in French, the word "vair" (squirrel skin) describing the girl's slipper. Through a printer's error the word was. spelt wrongly, and when the book «u printed it resembled the French equivalent for glass (verre). Until matters auch as these are cleared up the public will have little, chance of settling down to peace and prosperity. Personally, I would pursue the matter with vigour and arraign'the offending printer before a special court of inquiry including, say, Messrs. Semple and Jumping Joe Savoldi. The Hon. Mr. Semple -is included in my list because of his intimate knowledge of footwear. Of course, if the story had mentioned that Cinderella wore running shoes, this would obviously have been a sprinter's error.—B.C.H.

"Kea's" par. on his voluble friends, Nonstop and Know-all, brings up the subject of talker* generally. I mean talkers-with, prin- <***» *»«. cipally, not talkera-at. To . *•*..*?£—. "* * b,e to ulk intelligently TALKEKS. and brightly, and to contribute as much information and humour as you are given, is a far too rare accomplishment. It was Dr. Johnson who once said, "Sir, I had a good talk." The worthy doctor had been edified, probably because he felt that he had learned not a little during the conversation, and for what he had received no doubt he gave in good measure. He wm a good talker. To be able to talk well is to be able to forbear, never to be bored, and, of course, to offer constructive observations on another's opinion. Nothing will kill a promising talk quicker than a few caustic remarks on another'* views, for pleasantness is the basis of a good talk. One can often learn a great deal in conversation if the parties are sincere, more perhaps because the information is stamped for the listener by the personality of the speaker. It usually impresses more than the printed word.—Goldie.

Literary critics often remark that our humorous writers—our Wodehouses, our Barry Paines, our Ben Travers and their kind—are „_.., mnw% not «* highly thought of MEDAL FOB as they deserve to be. A JOKE. Mediocre writers of . .„. heavy stuff are hailed as brilliant authors, while brilliant writers of humour are regarded as mere buffoons. Thev know better in the Xavy. It is on record that men have been decorated by the Lords of the Admiralty for a good joke at the right moment. There was, for example, a British submarine of the E which, patrolling near Zeebrugge during the war, strayed into a field of British mines—mines made aboard H.M.S. Vernon, which is still the depot for torpedo and mine-laying instruction. All hands m the E boat became acutely aware of their whereabouts when they heard a mine clang against the bows of their boat. It was "Death, with a capital 'D'" knocking for them. Three times the ominous clan? echoed through the boat as the mine bumped along her side while the white-faced crew sat or stood tense' motionless, silent. Three ominous clangsthen the deadly menace was past. "Good old Vernon,' said one of the ratings. "Another bloomin' dud." The tension relaxed in a iurst of laughter, and, when the E boat's commander reported the incident, the joker was decorated. In journalism the only decoration we have ever seen awarded to the author of a new joke was a black eye from the man of whom he made fun.—l.M,

Can anybody tell me what remedy one has if any, against a publican who harbours one a runaway kitten T It happened this way. ___ A few mornings ago a THE MTTEK. kitten wandered into the office. Nobody knew where it came from. It just happened. One minute it was not there; the next minute it was. It made itself quite at home, explored the premises thoroughly, tried the quality of our several legs for rubbing against, and then, just a* casually, wandered off again. We got on with the job, and the cat became a (hing of the infinite yesterdays. But it had left a hoodoo that was to worry us all the day. **»",, w «r through the for *»°°n a ponderous middle-aged woman wheezed in. rfer name, ■he said, was Brown. "Mrs. Eliza Brown, sir." Browne, with an Vt" "Xo, sir, a widow" A poor lone widow, you see, and she had lost her kitten. \es, we had «een the kitten; it had been among us, but it had wandered off. u.e office boy, who knows all things, w U able to take us a little further. He had seen the kitten, about an hour after it had left the office, sunning itself in the doorway of the fourpenny bar of an adjacent public-house. Chivalry is not dead. Th« start to find the widow s kitten waa so fast that I withdrew from the contest. Tha lads searched the hotel thoroughly and at great length, but found no kitten, and returned full of the exuberance that cornea of effort expended in a good cause. Yit, when the old lady passed that hotel, there was her kitten washing it. whiskers at an upper window. The lads would have essayed forth on a further expedition, but the boss wouldn't have it. He wanted some work done that day. The old lady had pr e.ples and she wouldn't enter a hotel even to fetch it He hopes for another rescue expedition on the part of our office lads. Meantime, what is the poor old widow to dor—BOX.