TO RAISE A SMILE

Auckland Star, Volume LXVII, Issue 235, 3 October 1936, Page 16 (Supplement)

TO RAISE A SMILE

Father: I hear, my boy, that you are in the habit of telling falsehoods. This grieves me to the heart. Always tell the truth, even though it may bring suffering upon you. Will you promise me that? Son: Yes, father. Father: Very well. Now go and see who is knocking at the door. If it's Smith, say that I am not at home. A keen angler took his friend for a day's sport. The friend knew nothing of fishing, but decided to try his luck. After a long silence by the banks of a stream, the novice said, "How much dt> those little red things cost?" "You mean the floats? Oh, they're cheap. Why?" "I owe you for one. Mine has just sunk."

The fussy old gentleman entered the restaurant and called for the waiter in a very loud voice. "Look sharp and bring me a dozen oysters!" he cried to the waiter who came hurrying to his table. "I want them not too large, and not too email. Ghoose them carefully, waiter, and don't bring me any that are not plump and fresh." "Yes, sir, x understand, sir," replied the obliging waiter. "Would you like them with or without pearls, sir?" (Sent in by Mary Sullivan, Grey Lynn.) "American: Do you know that my big brother Bill was so strong that he used to go into the woods every morning, and pull up a tree by the roots ? Scotsman: That's nothing! My brother Jock used to go down to the river, jump into his rowing boat and pull up the river. "Mabel dear," said mother sadly, "every time you are a bad girl, you give me another grey hair." "Gracious!" exclaimed the little girl, "look at poor grandpa. You must have given him an awful time when you were my age." (Sent in by Doreen Baker, Manurewa.)

Bobby, the son of the house, was looking very thoughtful. "What is the matter, son?" asked his mother. "Well, mum," he said, "I think that 1 have lost threepence to-day." "You silly boy," she laughed, "why do you think you've lost it?" "Well, mum," he replied, "I wanted sixpence, but I only asked dad for threepence, and he paid up without saying a word." Old-fashioned Dad: When I was your age, John, my parents never had any trouble with me. Modern Son: Well, I can't say that I have had any real trouble with you, either, dad. Instructor: What would you do if there was an explosion and someone went up into the'air? Pupil: Wait until he came down, sir. A school inspector was examining an elementary class on the Ark. Now, boys," he said, "Noah was an active man and must have found it irksome to be confined so long during the flood, so how do you think that he spent his time 1" "Fishing, sir," said one bright boy. "Yes, I fancy Noah did some angling," "Ho wouldn't catch any fish," interjected another youth. "Why do you think so?" asked the inspector, pleased with the interest that he had aroused. "He would only have two worms." (Sent in by Marv Sullivan. Grey Lynn.) McPherson: I've just been into the bank. Mclntyre: Draw out any money, or put any in? McPherson: No. Mclntyre: Well, what did you do, tlien ? • I. : VMcPiersou: I filled my fountain pen. '- v A Chinaman named Kan Kum promised to visit a friend, but, taking sick, sent his brother to send a telegram about it. This irs how it was worded: "Kan Kum can't come, will come when he can. —Willie Kum." (Sent in by Evelyn Winks, Mount Edfin.) I

SEPTEMBER 27. Bartleet, Pay Prior, Maurice. Bartleet, Km Prior, Maurice Howell, Mary Ray, Amy Burle, Bene Shearer, Margaret Cunningham, Madge Silcock, Molly Curd, Rene Tyson, Edna Bunting, Joan Waine, Robin Fitness, Jean Whittle, Robert Forder, Beverley Walker. Valerie Glover, Edna Black, Len Gregory, Gordon Cavanagh, Valda King, Mary O'Meara, Ailsa McFetrldge, Ronald Neal, Avis Naughton, Betty Hart, Trevor Nuttall, Molly Comer, G. Parfitt, Tere Laing, Lionel SEPTEMBER 28. Wilding. Nola Williams, Patricia Ashby, Ross Mason, Bruce Beagle. Audrey Fernandez, Rex -Bollard, Allen McDonald, Robert \ Buchanan, Jean Mears, Margaret Butter, Joan Mexted, Jean Carter, Dick Miller, Jessie Dixon, Colin Pederscn, Alma Edwards, Thomas Morris, Alan Wilkin, John Ridling, Neville Evison, Irene Pilkington, Muriel Harding, Maurice Sagar, Dorothy Hogan, Lois Richardson, Shirley Hughes, Mary Sutton, George Morris, Alan Warren, Colin Kendrick, Bruce Ewen, Pi ers sa, ia. li'f: SEPTEMBER 29. Adams, Una Montgomery, Tom Anderson, Yvonne Leach, Elsie Atkins, Joy Nash, Michael Christiansen, G. Pugh, Alan Crosby, Peggy Rountree, Elton Simms, Gwenda Strong, John Hanson, Alan Walker, Bervl Parnell, Joan Thorpe, Joan Koefoed, Athol Wliitten, Moira Larsen, Letty Williams, Jean McCormick, Eileen Rogers, Pam Phelan, Constance Moffltt, Leo Faine, Marion Close, Eunice SEPTEMBER 30.

Elcock, Margaret Codlin, Peggie gave, Pearl SatcheU, Elaine Blackwell, Bex Millar, Graham Bruntoo, George Milsom, Britton Uenks, Madge Organ, Betty laflge, Murdoch Pearee, Ellen Orahani, Given Penning, Pearl Hessey, David Pollington, Keggie McCallura, David Reid, Irene Torrance, Elsie Codlin, Pegcv gunn- Aldwyth Pye, Murray Hellew, Shirley Tlppett, Ena Irvine, Rita Thorpe, Marjorie Bagshaw, Betty Allingliam, Clyde McGlashan, Joy Jones, Merle L°rd. Ken Dolan, Thomas Maedonald, Gregory Waters, Joan Mason, Prances . Otway, Audrey McCormack, Jean Robertshaw, Rona McLean, Ailsa Bates, Jean Mear, >\orina OCTOBER 1. Andrews, Allan Peart. Graham Bartlett, Keith Noyer, Beryl 8001, Laurence Ponder. Prank Bray, Alma Rogers, Olga Carter, Walter Sayers, Joan Freeson, Irene Smith, Gerald Grant, Donald Stevens, Gordon Hooper, Leslie Thompson, Alan £ooilo, Ivan Fernandez, Joan Lockwood, Raymond Ward, Gerald Maxwell, Poppy Hopkinson, Alister Mclsaac, Freda White, Myrtle Middleton, Joy Davoren. Jean Moon, Geoffrey Felton, Phyllis Wilson, Gladys Hunt, Margaret Vlunro, Philip Stevenson, Margaret Nankervis, Billy Groome, Oleen >>eely, Faith Baxter, Maud Osborne, Eileen McCombie, Alee Pearson, Bob OCTOBEK 2. Brown, Fredrick O'Malley, Leo Bryant, Bernice Pugh, Gladys Cole, Mary Sargent, Frank Craig, Ernest Shakespeare, C. Davidson, James McFarland, Frederick Dumper, Dorothy Stevens, Ken Foster, Owen Sargent, Claud Francis, Zelda Bullock, Dorothy Richardson, Mary Noonc, Allan Green, Grace Eves, Dorothy Harland, Lorna , Jones, Ronald Heron, Marjorie Brown. Miriam looper, Emily Manning, Joyce lull, Joan Impey, Leslie Olaf Rood, Joyce Nairn, Jack Xorgrove, Iris Daniel, Beatrice Cure. Hilda Xeal, Doris OCTOBER 3, Baker, Norma Stebbing, Eldred Clewett, Winifred Veza, Lenin Crossley, Bernard Storey, Donald Dickson, Beryl Walker, Jack Johnson, Albert Wallace, Eleanor King, Mabel Watson, Jose Winstanley. Owen Atfield. Shirley McLean, Marjorie Hardwick. James Parkinson, B. Fannon, Lucy Ross, Desmond Ah Chan, Daisv Spratt, lan