RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVII, Issue 181, 1 August 1936, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By "ZAMIEL.")

"Tax Changes?'—but not much change. Headline: "Dried Fruits Case." Kaliikatea, deal or pinus insignia? Unsuitable noses can now be cured by surgical means. Well, I'm blowed! "New Zealand : 'money goes to Australia." Am I to understand that "Australia"' includes Tasmania? A distinguished Maori says that to see a pakeha doing a haka gives him a pain. It gives him a pain in the art. Tons of old clothes have been given to the poor. I'm keeping about quarter of a hundredweight of mine to give to me. Excellent idea these children's calf clubs. I know a boy of fourteen with one fourteen inches round, according to tape measure. Parliament appears to agree tlmt local bodies require reorganisation—but surely all M.P.'s haven't got the time to become Mayors as well ? All the dear little early lambs in local parks are healthy, strong— and in good condition. Jane, the poetry book—and the mint sauce. '' The sex of a child can now be ascertained before it is born. Thus the dictators can arrange for a supply of cannon fodder for the future. The deer is to get no quarter—shot on sight. Ho destroys the forest. His rival, man, will have the destruction all on his own now. Hack, chop, burn, brothers! Super suburbs are showjng ati inclination to control cyclists. Can't the.footpath pedestrian be taught to leap aside faster than ho has done during the past forty years? —— j ) The young fellow who 'borrowed a sixpence and went home to find he had drawn thirty thousand pounds in a sweep was not, it seen) 6, the case of a "sprat" to catch a mackerel.

I note that there is serious complaint as to the smuggling of birds out of Australia. In the absence of names I take it that the birds referred to are the feathered type of biped. A clerical gentleman accuses New Zealanders of being too soft and flabby. Those chaps who were in thq Sorame amusement ought to be jolly well ashamed of themselves. "Scales Reviewed" and 111 consonance with the new-high prices may we hope balances, steelyards and other measuring things'will bo reviewed too? I got 17 ounces for a pound once! Apropos "Junk on the road." Among the "junkers" are hundreds of decent citizens who have driven cars since cars existed and who have not in all that time killed or hurt a fellow being. A country shopkeeper put his caslibox ill the garbage can for safety, and forgot it. _ I regret this forget fulness in a citizen. He has iudmced a' frantic search of garbage tins throughout, the nation. You aro misinformed, Horace. No Aberdonian of my acquaintance runs lii'si motor car with spirit gleaned by successive visits to miniature shop bowsers I supplying free petrol. The rumour is fantastic. Said I to my old friend from the sheep run: "I see the See of the Bishop in Jerusalem iri two hundred thousand ■ square miles." "Struth," said Harry, "he'll want a coupla good hacks to go the round." We are to resume the reception of immigrants to New Zealand within the next few months. The threatened impurities inevitable as additions t<f our language are causing consternation in Grey Lynn. The ,Christchurch City Council recently agreed to accept a statue 011 the understanding that the council was to go to no expense. Yet as the subject is a .-tatesman, there will bo no need to carve clothes on him. I

Headline: "Protection For Onions." Might it not have been "Protection From Onions?" Gas masks for confidential conversationalists who breathe amiably in one's ear after having partaken of this luscious bulb are suggested.