THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVII, Issue 138, 12 June 1936, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

' "When tlieir car was in difficulties about 20 Tariff Schedule leDgths from rra recently, two SAMAEITAN. «»d Jiving him a Fascist salute.) At length one jvi c?+r*r\ Tt<s driver made an out-ox-tne r« r v b«ek to Canberra to fetch petrol for the journalists. The Samaritan was Captain L. S. Bracegirdle, R.A.N.; military secretary to the Governor-General. Present columnist makes no apology for snipping the following from .» Aussie ' TWAS COU>. Co tX S y h aw^Snrised to see a naked lady riding a horse. He pnseu iu nW o V when he recognised was about to tui 11 away, wii«s» tl the rider as none other than Queen Elizabetl. Quickly throwing off his richly-embroidered cloak, he placed it reverently around her, say ing, as he did so, 'Honi soit qui mal y P®"®®', which meant, "Thy need is than Thereupon the Queen thanked oir ' saying: 'Dieu et mon which means. .'My God, and you're right.'"

Apparently they do not take world affairs 60 seriously in England as we are inclined to believe.' News comes this way per Engli&n daily that much merriSERIOUS THINGS, ment was caused in the House of Commons one night when, in the course of an election debate on education, one of the members put ovei a bewhiskered problem which only one honourable gentleman solved correctly. A the others were flummoxed. Here it is: a man went to a shoemaker to -buy a pair of boots at a cost of 16/. He put down £1, and as the shoemaker had no change lie (the ehoemaker) went to the butcher's next door to get some. He then gave the customer the pair of boots %nd 4/ change. A few minutes later the butcher rushed in and said the £1 was a bad one, so the shoemaker had to give him a good £1 in return. How much did the shoemaker lose?

Roman Catholics throughout the world yesterday observed the Corpus Christi festival, and right in this little burg of Auckland there were certain schools THE DAY. where in order to impress upon the children the importance of the occasion, the teachers declared a close season —at least for one day —against 'rithmetic, hist'ry, spellin' and the like. And a fellow member of the staff this morning while waiting for the ghost to move at noon dropped in to relate what he considered a good par. to help fill up this column. Here it is. Said fellow worker has a little heir of half-a-dozen summers. Yesterday the wee one, as usual, threw his schoolbag over a shoulder and trotted off. Daddy had gone to the office,' a necessary effort if the wolf is to be kept off the doormat, and mummy, too, had a date with some friends. The particular school which the son and heir attended that morning, after the roll call, declared a holiday, and the little chap made his way home again, only to find the place deserted. It was in the p.m. when mother returned and saw her little one playing in the yard. Asked what he was doing at home, he gave the information that the teacher had awarded the class a day off. Womanlike,: mother was a little curious, and wished to know why. "What's that stuff you gargle your throat with—you know that pink stuff?" asked the boy. Mother thought for a minute. "You don't mean Condy's crystals, do you?" "Yes, that's , it—well, it's Condy's crystal day to-day."

Dear M.A.T., —A meeting of a Licensing Committee was held in a Southern city early this month. Some publicans had beforehand complained to members of FRENZIED the committee of the diffiFINANCE. culty experienced in not being able to prevent people coming into the bar and without consuming any liquor, liberally helping themselves to the succulent delicacies placed 011 the counter for the delectation of dinkuin customers. One member of the committee told of a man who, with only sixpence in the wide world, could live all through a year —not counting rent —and still have his sixpence in his pocket. Amazing, yes! And this is the modus operandi: At 11 a.m., when the counterlunch is provided, the sportsman (he deserves the name) walks bravely up to the bar with his sixpence and buys a packet of cigarettes, which he puts in his pocket without breaking into it. As a genuine customer he has the same right to partake of the provided provender as a purchaser of liquor. On leaving the kindly hostelry he meets a stranger who looks kind and opulent and offers to sell him a packet of cigarettes for sixpence so that lie can get a feed. At 5 p.m. our resourceful friend goes through the same performance, arid, so on daily—two good meals daily bucksliee. I am not sure if the name of the financier was McGerkinshaw or Isaasaark, but they are nearly all Scots who live there, and the citizens are noted for tlieir business acumen and generosity, and one member was heard to remark, "It's the old story of little fleas on bigger fleas . . . and so on ad infinitum"! Publicans! Please still keep on beim? generous in these hard times and treat this story as a Scottish joke—it .may not be true. —A.L.D. '

The introduction of the forty-hour week, which is only one of the many "jobs" the present Government has on its large scheme of work, when it comes DIDN'T KNOW into operation, will cause HIM! old-timers who toiled from sunup to moonrise and later to regret they were born nearly a century ago ; There were no sirens in their days to shriek weird noises informing all workers that down-tools had arrived—incidentally, the same sirens announce when'you are expected to throw the sheets and blankets off afnd get up. It was simply a question of working and sleeping in the good old days. And then in the march of progress, to use a frayed and tattered term, unionism came along. Workers talked it over, and men who neither toiled nor spun saw possibilities of fine jobs, and appointed themselves secretaries. The days of rising with the lark and being still at work when the moreporks were about were attacked, and the workers massed in their particular industries. The Arbitration Court was asked to give the toilers an hour or two off occasionally. A good story is told of a worker in a certain Auckland concern where*at that time the employees started about daylight and knocked off round about midnight. Giving evidence at the Arbitration Court, one of the employees was asked to tell the Court exactly how many hours comprised his week's work. He said he could not definitely swear to the number, but could best give the information by explaining a little incident which had happened. One day, he said, for reasons he knew not, the company gave him a day off, and that evening when on his way home he saw his little boy in the street throwing stones. He went up to the lad, handed him a clip oil the ear, and told him to get home. The boy ran home, only to tell his mother that a strange man had hit him!