THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 243, 14 October 1935, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAS ABOUT TOW 2*.) Students of current wars mar agree that an humans being imitative the example oi the Italians and the Ethiopians mav.oe tollowed by amateurs. Aii PRIVATE WARS, acts of war are provocative —and even neighbours —but there.. let as get on ■with the yarn. He. e ji a trespass notice gleaned trorn a rara. paper: "The Developing Company, Ltd., owing to sheep found shot, and many otser troubles, notify that all trespassers with or without dog or gun will be shot without further notice- Manager. ion will reiremb-er, of course, that MaitoHnij who, above all, is a journalist and a master o*

publicity, warned his intended opponents he would begin war on them oa a specified date. Before the date he warned them taat «nil

a pofctp-onesieni was necessary and practical! j beseeched them to be on tie spot -to tw slaughtered as per plan on the altered day It is rather sporting really. Use company which above advertiser its intentions refrain: from naming tie date after whseh it will shoo; trespassers.~ It apparently didn't even send oat circulars to possible trespassers nominalin™ the day of their intended doom. In tot event of other companies shooting trespasser* without warning one feels that they shou *ti ■be at least given time to see their lawyers and to make what disposition of their property that teems advisable in this cos table workL Not expecting any honours, tie scribe discarded h» coat, swept aside enough detritui to acquire sufficient space, and faced the writing machine. Astounded THE OVATION. beyond measure, be found a small paper bag stuci in the vacancy where the type bars nestle, and in the bag an egg. He telt at once that this was an ovation, deserved or otherwise, and thanks the giver of this, tribute. An eg: is th'ought compelling, for it is not only the emblem" of lire, but except for interference, life itself. This duck egg. provided by a beneficent Providence to sustain the life which is to become a duckling, was after all not a tribute or an ovation to the scribe. Nature and the duck had been in haste on the morning of its laying. At one end of the dock egg was a peculiar curl which bore the fancifuf representation of a jumping fish, or any other object in Nature suitable to the idea the receiver might have. Nature in moulding the plastic material had either too much or too little and finished the end in a hurry, producing an egs perfect in every detail except for the little squiggle at the end. Very likely experts would, contemplating this miracle of Nature, rave slightly about umbilical cords or lack of essential lime in the making of duck egg sheik. On the ensuing day the duck that laid the egg with the squiggle on the end might lay a double-yolked one. a shorter egg, or a perfectly normal one—Nature is such a queer old lady she doesn't care how she astonishes us—and the duck doesn't give a dash — she'll lay ail tie eggs she contains and in her old age be sold for spring duckling. It k remembered with reasonable clarity after thirty-six years of intervening events that when the Boer War was presented to New Zealanders as a colonial HEARTBREAK enterprise Auckland was OF 1&99. all agog. When it was simmering nicely a gentleman of superb proportions and of German nationality rushed into uniform and was the cynosure of thousands of admiring eyes. It was felt that here was the man who would finish the war and bring our bjys back for their Christmas dinner. His chest at full expansion was at least forty-five Inches, he goose-stepped proudly and there seemed no doubt " whatever that he had been of the Prussian Guard. He gave the town the feelin? of glory, of the imminent deadly breach, of forlorn hopes, of last, lingering words spoken in the agony of approaching dissolution. Recruits eager for the fray advanced their ages and stole modestly before the doctors to find out if they were fit to be shot—and amongst them Fritz, with a full expansion on and his moustache pointing heavenwards. He knew all about it—saluted with aplomb, clicked his neejs—was the admiration of every meek lad there. The little doctor tapped at him, ninety-nined him. listened at great chest. And that dreadful doctor murmured, Turned down!"' The Prussian Guardsman almost paled. His giant chest receded a full two inches. '"You said!" he groaned at' the doctor. "Turned down!" repeated the doctor. 'Mein Gott!" said Fritz—and went on beins a civiiian. It was a heart-rending scene. Tne astounding spectacle ot an aged man uKh a .money belt (set down in too unromantic words in this column) brings a lady with a story almost incredible to STRANGE SIGHT, any but those who have _ witnessed a like phenomenon. 5-ce herself was in the habit of circulating without stockings and feeling that it was a harmless tashioa—although a detriment to tae hosiery trade—was astonished to be told by her employers not to do it again. The spectacle she saw was a young man. "outwardly completely clothed except for socks. The boldness of this man. one of the uioneers. simply astounded her. Heretofore socklessness in a man has connoted povertv of the deepest dye—yet we find that in "the new fashion it is men who can even afford golf stockings who roam the earth in the sauciest shoeg worn on the bare foot- Hie woman who has discovered this new boldness in man. this unblushing effrontery, believes that it may oe a shy protest at the orice of sock-. Interrogating her father, she has ascertained that in his earlier years the usual price of socks ranged from a shilling to one and three —and that men swooned with slight heart it they saw a fellow man wearing rainbow-cue hose, or sox -with clox. It was only by the exercise of genius that men c-ouid oe induced to go about with spectacular ends. Almost all mankind from clergymen to bankers wore black cashmere hose at" a shilling, and it was a triumph in haberdashery to quadruple the price and quintuple the colour scheme. Tms socklessness for men wiil not last Men are ashamed of hare legs and sock-ess feet. Tney OiUsh when thev null up their trouse-c-utis. Expensive luxury is Mr. Hitler. Der .fuehrer, ii.<e II Duee. has to keep a battalion 01 clerks to deal with his daily mail—an „, average of ten thousano WORSHIP, letters being pushed in his letter box every dav. Large numbers ot tnem are, of course, from adoring ladies and some thousand- per diem from ardent patriots who want jobs or to get out of gaol. Every letter of every kind < is answered. Recently when Herr Hitler was !?uaer«ng with a cold in the head a ladv fan ; wrote to him, "My Fuehrer! Latelv i" have j often dreamt that you would shake hands j with me. Last Sunday my dream came true. I For the rest of the day the precious hand you j had touched remained unwashed." Another: "Are you feeling very ill? I knew voa would catch a cold in that awful rain. I am sending ! a bouquet of wild flowers." Local sneezers will be glad of this recipe for colds. President Roosevelt has an enormous daily fan mail. He gets his regiment of secretaries to I make_ selections and himself makes dramatic ; use of them—an excellent plan. Neither Hitler j nor Mussolini do anything about their mail j except to reply to their adorers. A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. We hold a creed Of deeper pity, who know what chains of ill 5 Bind round our petty liv'e>_ —Sir Lewis Morris. j