The Editor suggests

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 122, 25 May 1935, Page 2 (Supplement)

The Editor suggests

Anna Chrlstensen—Your "Vision Beautiful" was well done, Anna, and we are pleased to publish It. The others are facile and metrically good, Jbut, I felt, not so inspired. Coral Frooman —The ttlea or the conversation between the child and the pansy IS a g-ood one. Coral, but I think It could have been worked out better. Lines like "Not for all the gold of a kingdom" sound a bit awkward, don't they? Monica Coates —l can imagine a very moving- poem about Easter, Monica, but I don't think this is quite the type or thins, it seems as If you have eautrht neither the depths or the tragedy nor the helg-hts or the joy of that season. Mary Fletcher — l was interested to see the rest or your poem, "Karamalura Valley," Mary. I'm afraid it Is not up to publication standard, but "Echo" will appear soon. Carol Dale—Quite an amusing , little verse about "Butter," Carol. It was original and written from your own experience, whereas I doubt IT "Dream Lady" was. June Kelland —The Idea embodied In your poem, "The Wind," has been used several times before, June, and ir you are frolng- to use an idea that someone else has used you must make the wording strikingly different. Joyce Smith —lt was pleasant to receive a poem about the Waitomo Caves, Joyce, but I don't think "you have been quite careful enough, in the last verse you take the liberty of saying that these, eaves "have been seen many times by all of the nation." This is not true; many tourists. Including: Bernard Shaw, have commented on the fact that New Zoalanders have not scon their own country. And don't you think the idea or the last three lines could be made clearer by altering the construction slightly? Lastly, I would not use "thou" am! "Thee" when referring to eaves; they arc plural, so "thou" and "thee" become "you." Leslie ButtimoL'o —Yon show quite a promising appreciation of rhythm in your nrst poem, "Things You Gave Me," Leslie, but are the sentiments you express your own? "The Sailor" merited publication. Send us some more soon. Keith Walker —l think you sent this in once before. Keith. Have you written anything: new lately. Doreen Gleeoon —A pity this is too late for this year, Doreen. We are well into utuui.l oow, aran't we?

Ngaroto Howe —This is actually more of a story In verse tlian a "love poem," N#aroto. You have been very careful about the rhyme-—loo careful, perhaps. It is difficult to write narrative verse and make it poetical. 1 hope to receive some more poems from you soon. Mary Southward —lt was a happy idea to write a poem about your hostel, Mary, lint never sacrifice ilie poetry of your lines or the thous'ht they contain merely for ihe rhyme. The noun "sentinel" can be used as nn adjective, but it cannot bo quaililed by an adverb such as "so." And the fourth line, or this verse, "If the world only knew," seems to have been put In merely to fill up. Try above all to avoid this lining: In with unnecessary words. Norma Nicholson — l like your choice of metre. Norma, but try to Ilinl more orlfrlnal wording-. The last verse Is much Mo best. Phyllis Hughes —Your verses, "My Silver Roat,-" are pood as poetry, but they are 100 va?up. To what exactly do they refer? Gwen Toyo —l feel sure you could tlilnK of a better end to your poem, "Patter of the Rain," Owen. The last fonr lines are disappointing, and I think you could express your idea more clearly than in the lines, "To brighten up the glories of tne beauties God has made." Audrey Hocquard — l was plea=ert to pet your two poems, Audrey. Actually neither or them is quite g-ood enough to publish. Try to think of new and original tliln?s to write about, and beware or speaking of spring arriving "on a clear November morn." Gwen Richards — "Will-O'-the-Wisp" was a refreshing- lit tie poem, nnd will lie published, but "Twilight" was rather Sllgnt and the metre too Irregular. Then, again, Its subject is not so original, is it? IVloiiica Coates —The idea contained In "The Cosmos Bush" was pood, Monica, but I think yon could have improved tne lan two lines, "Strings of emeralds set in -(■.;«. or ametliylstlc s-ems." Olive Brown —This poem, "The Skylark's Love," improves ns It goes on, Olive. At first Hie rhymes seem rather forced, as If you were determined to fret the metre right even if the. poetry surfered. M. Church —Quite a g-ood effort, but we have a frood many poems on tills and similar subjects. Try to write of something, you haven't seen written about