THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 48, 26 February 1935, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

RECORD-BREAKING. Dear M.A.T.,—Now that lYA's mast at Hobsonville is completed, may I suggest that a steeplejack be sent to the top bearing the gramophone records which this station plays several times per day? He could then drop them to the ground.

Go haste ye climb the Babel Tower, i And dare ye not descend Till some or all the following Have met a timely end: Take first "The Bay of Biscay-oh, And hurl the discus wide (I trust that "Chorus Gentlemen Is on the other side). Please topple over "Cherry Ripe, And wreck for all to see The "I-loneysuckle's" clandestine Relations with the "Bee." Regarding "Hunting We Will do, Destroy it as you like. Repeat the dose to Daisy And her lover and her bike. And stop, if you would save us all From tearing out our hair. The yokels down in Widdicombe Insisting on a fair. Oh, what about the "Bachelor Who starts at seventeen? And hoary "Colonel And "The Soldiers of the Queen 7 For these are things, that really caused The baritone to sing That Something seemed to come along And "get him in the Spring. —B.C.H. Royal Navy tradition does not recognise rank in games. Not long since it was proposed to offer a special cup in golf for corapetition by admirals, but ADMIRAL AND the Royal Navy and BLUEJACKETS. Royal Marines' Golnng Society maintained the tradition by refusing to sanction such a match. In a last year's Navy Rugby fifteen playing against an Army side "in England there was an 4 8., a marine, an engine-room artificer and a schoolmaster. But the man who said, "Admirals are necessarily too old-to play football," isn't absolutely accurate. Auckland has seen Rear-Admiral Fischer Burges-Watson, R.N., playing a pretty game —and he's fiftyone. Not many "ratings" (horrid word to describe a man) play golf.

Dear M.A.T.,—So the Wanganui Regatta has been postponed. What a pity! I went to one once and by gate-crashing proved that cheek does get one on m THE GATE- the world. Bright, sunny CRASHER, clay, blue ribbon of river, crowds in holiday array, noisy speed boats. Maori canoes, Maori youths and "maidens, flashing outriggers, shady trees. Yet we two were not happy as fate had placed our friends and relations on the official pontoon, while we shared the overcrowded bank with the populace. What would you have done when the policeman at the gangway turned his back? Perhaps you would not have thought of such a thing. Well, just as we slipped past that same broad, blue back and stepped joyously on to the select enclosure there was a noisy rending of timbers and the floor gave way beneath me. Not that the occasion made me wish for this to happen. It never does when embarrassed folk yearn to seek cover. No, the climax had been caused by a. rotten plank, that's all. Eager helpers rushed to the fore, where foremost was the unsuspecting policeman, who helped the guilty victim to a very comfortable seat. That regatta was good fun. It k too bad that it has been postponed this year.—Sandy Hbok. DKMr M.A.T., —A group of sportsmen had foregathered, and the talk was of blank days, or, rather, of days that had been saved from blankets at the last CALL OF moment. It was then THE TAME, that we heard about T.'s ducks. It appeared that birds wore "plentiful, but wild," as the shooting reports invariably have it, and ae for the shooters, They blazed to right, they blazed to left, They blazed into the brown. From nine-fifteen till nearly noon, But never a bird came down.

When, taking the last turn for home and lunch, the gunners reached T.'s pond, whereon a pretty little group of ducks sported at their ease. One of the disgruntled gunners raised his fowling piece, whereon T. shouted, "Steady on, those are not wild." The, executioner turned a prim visage toward his host. "If they're half as wild as I am they deserve to flie," he said, and the dreadful deed was done. Another told of a last-minute bag of quail. Nearing home he had observed a group of the birds settling to roost in a small bush. He went out in the gathering gloom armed with a big blanket, which he gently dropped over the bush. Then he cut the bush down, having tied the blanket; round the trunk, and marched back to camp, bush, birds, and all. They took a bit of catching inside the tent, but all were safely gathered in. "It was the only bit of sport we all day," said Bill'. —Brig. In reference, to a rheumatic groan or so in this column, a patient calls to say that the first visitation of the enemy to him was during the peerless summer time, HIS FAVOURITE when you couldn't lie out FLOWER. in the'damp if you wanted to. Somebody told him the w.iy to perfect health was to soak his pyjamas in cold water, go to bed, and sleep it oil. He informs this amateur pathologist that he has been sleeping in water-logged night shirts ever since, but feels no better. He thinks, however, that if he persists during the residue, of the summer weather he will ultimately have no pains whatever. The amateur pathologist cordially agrees and wonders what are the patient's favourite flowers.

At the moment of writing the officers of the Xo. 1 Army Co-operation Squadron of the X.Z.R.A.F. is engaged in a refresher course at Wigram. A current N.Z.R.A.F. photograph shows what a very smart and capablelooking body of airmen they are. If there is individuality in hats, caps or headgear these air gentlemen ehow it. Every tilt known to wearer* is evident in this uniform picture. Obviously there is no regulation regarding angles for hats in the Air Force. Some wear the cap obscuring the right eye. A devilishly handsome officer has his headgear perched over his left ear, some have the peak looking skywards, some have it well drawn down over two eyes, the peepers in shadow. A young Greek god has obtained a sort of two-storey cap which ho wears pulled down as near the left shoulder as he can get it. Only one officer here and there has the thing oil straight— balanced exactly on the head and level from peak to rear. All right, says you—what about it? Well, this about it—they are all potential air-marshals, and marshals, and even generals, appear to do what they like about dress regulations —if any. Xo doubt letter carriers, telegraph messengers, liftmen, commissionaires and officers of the armed forces fell for "the Beatty touch." The great seaman wore his official cady in a very saucy manner —not fore and aft on an even keel, but hard to starboard. Some insolent scribbler with a hide of brass and a civvy hat once asked Beatty why he wore his hat all a-eock like that. He replied that it was all on account of the kind of head the Creator had given him. Even if he put his cap on an even keel, it simply wouldn't stay put—hence the saucy rake. The New Zealand airmen are all potential Beattys of the atmosphere. Bear with the angle of their cadies.