THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXV, Issue 307, 28 December 1934, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

V (By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

j • Dear M.A.T., —During the recent festive season a young friend of mine, proprietor of a fruit shop, was interrupted one busy even--1 ing by the entrance of OBEDIENCE. two small girls in a state ■'I of excitement. "Oh, Mr. Smith!" one exclaimed. "There are two t dnyiken men fighting like anything along the - street." My friend handed the children a jj couple of apples, familiarly designated as "specks" by the youth of the district, and E said soothingly, "Never mind, Mary, you run r along and pick up the beer." He resumed his s work of sorting a case of fruit, and five e minutes later he was astonished to hear Mary announcing, "Here's thq beer, Mr. Smith; I 1 asked a lady in a .shop for a paper bag to put it in," and in a matter-of-fact way -she handed the petrified' man a laige bottle of beer! He retold' the story to me with a 1 reminiscent light in his eye, and concluded: "!■ gave them two more apples—but not 'specks.'M.C.W. The most fascinating feature of any great holiday time is the meeting of friends who 2 have been long severed. . Auckland, more crowded than usual, gives DO YOU the local product the REMEMBER? chance of expatiating on the glories of this city and of the salt water crooning at the front door to people who unhappily have to live elsewhere. A Wanganui man, again in Auckland after some years, was having a bout of "Do You Remember?" with a permanent and proud Aucklander, .who spoke of our harbour as if he had had-a good deal to do with the making of the same—might have painted the sparkling effect of the Waitemata, or thrown in Rangitoto, or arranged for the North Head and the islands of the gulf. "Do you remember," lie trilled, "when the American fleet came into our harbour in 1JD08?" 'lhe 1 Wanganui man thought hard with his finger to his brow. "That's right—you're right— nineteen hundred and eight—the year the American fleet sailed up the Wanganui River | —of course I remember." Those who woo Morpheus without any immediate return in slumber will be interested in the medical declaration (imparted without : fee) that if the non-sleeper > SPOT OF £°cs to bed with his head SLUMBER, pointing north and his tootsies due south he's j bound to sleep. A gentleman who has never , suffered from somnambulism, but who, on the contrary, has counted sheep every night for years and years, says he is married. Until he read what (lie doctor said about the sleeping ravs passing from north to south he didn't i know which way lie slept and took a compass i into the dormitory. Jle found that ho had been lying east and west for twenty-five years, i So he swivelled the bed rouinj, although his i wife cackled at him when the wire mattress , slipped and jammed his finger. He points out i that although he lias been a confirmed poor sleeper while lying east and west his wife, living cast and west also, always slumbers I like a tree the 'moment her head hits the feathers, and she remains in this enviable and ! blessed coma until the glorious dawn illurui- [ nates the palings of the backyard. He says that even now that lie is sleeping north and south his wife sleeps just as beautifully as 1 ever she did, but that at present he is counting sheep just the same as ever. He admits, of course, that sleep with him is not permanently absent and that at' seven in the ■ morning when it is necessary to catch break>fnst, buses, trains and work lie can sleep north J and south or east and west, feet up or feet down, pillows or no pillows, doctors or no doctors. He doubts if there is any art in sleeping at all. He seems to believe that Nature has something to do with this shuteye. j Confirmed mothers frequently regard the upbringing of their infants from a totally different standpoint from that of Aunt Prunella, who, as a spinster, has THE BABY. inor.e scientific views. The thought is born of the story of the Taranaki mother who decided that a crowded luggage van on a train was the safest place to park the pram (complete with babe), while a frantic porter who might have dumped a loaded Saratoga on Bubs paled perceptibly. The mother, of course, remained calm—and there was no spinster aunt to preach a sermon on the care of infants. As a matter of intimate knowledge, women so trust the public (and especially the man part) that they often feel that little Btibsy would be safe in a Ducal crowd, a cattle pen at a show—or on the pavement outside a shop in, a crowd. One often sees a beauteous babe wrapped in a silk kimono (or words to that effect) slumbering peacefully in a pram outside a shop while the crowd surges past. There are never any brakes on pram wheels. A pram parked on a steep path may run backwards. It never reaches the gutter. Some | father (or potential father) will bound out and catch the pram and park it in the old place again. "All's well—the mothers still are buying the bargains of the world." And only last year a sweet young mother arrived at the ferry wharf loaded to the plimsoll with ' parcels. As she was about to ascend the gangI way she remembered something, Finding a | friend, she gave the parcels up, dashed back into Queen Street., found the pram ,'with Bubsy still sleeping like a cherub) and caught the next boat. Pray do not accuse the almost perfect Post Office of lack of sentiment. It publishes ; all sorts of sample greetings from which you mav choose one after THE AIR MAIL. your own heart, to send to friends. It sticks charming little missives on envelopes, touching the heart about telephones and health stamps and addresses —and it is businesslike to the finger tips. A friend who greatly appreciates sentiment, either official or , private, received by the first Empire Air Mail on December 27 a card from Home—nothing else —just a card from Home. The exterior bore ;a sixpenny stamp —and so on demand he paid the just due of the great service—another I cighteenpence. Quite in order, of course, accordling to Cocker and the P.O. regulations, but .lacking in the sentiment found on Post Office obliterating stamps. Other people received similar cards—but not in adhesive envelopes, which, of course, is the whole point, A card flying through the air naked and unashamed sending love from auntie is delivered without comment or extra stamps. The same card [ conveying auntie's love but hiding in an i envelope is presumed to contain some comj mnuieation rendering it a letter —hence the I i fine. Complainants are, of conrsc, well aware I j that they may refuse a surcharged letter, I which will be returned to auntie in England, ( who will be called upon to pay the charges, | and will thus be punished for her enclosed wishes. After all, the Post Office is business- | , like for you. It is your money it is saving. | Ever get a div. from the P. 0.?

; THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY.

| Everyone that has been long dead has a due proportion of praise allotted him, in which, whilst lie lived, his friends were too profuse, and his enemies too sparing,— Addison. | Oh! when speech is given to a soul holy and true, Time, and its dome of ages, becomes as a mighty whispering gallery, round which the imprisoned utterance runs and revcri berates for ever. —Martineau.