THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXV, Issue 230, 28 September 1934, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

The trio were talking about the New Zealand police, the possibilities of modernisation, what corker chaps most of the men in . blue are, and how any SANCTUARY. British constable any-

where in the world can be depended on when a man wants a helping hand. A duration .corporal declared that all British police forces based their attitude towards the public on the conduct of the London bobby. He mentioned that on London leave, 1914-18 (choose your year), like all soldiers suffering from reaction, he enjoyed himself thoroughly. He wandered lonely as a cloud, none disturbing him or complaining that he tottered. He lay down on a large stone step, pillowed his head on his war hat, and slept. He was dreaming of Auckland when he was vigorously shaken and awoke. " 'Sail ri', ole chap, 'sail ri'—nozzo rough," looked up and saw a large constable bending over him. "Do you know where you are?" asked the constable. "Coursiknow," said the soldier; "I'm goin' Solshors' Club —wherrami?" "You're on the steps of the Bow Street police station, said the friendly cop. "Won't you come inside and have a rest?" "Norronyourli," said the corporal. "Whersh Solshers' Club?" "And the queer thing about it," concluded the reformed corporal, "is that I went straight to it unaided."

Dear M.A.T., —In reference to your par "Old Bearskins." Tickled. I certainly was. You sec, you might have described the writer as one of the "Feather COLDSTREAMS Beds" and caused much AND OTHERS, annoyance to an old sweat. The long private you refer to was Peter McCullough, of the Grenadiers, standing uix foot eight and a half indies in his socks. When on Queens Guard (in those days) he could not stand upright in a sentry box while wearing a bearskin, so lie used to get excused (sometimes). His boots were size thirteen; had to be specially built for him; would not fit an ordinary barrack room shelf, where the boots were usually kept, so a hole was chiselled out to Cause the boots to fit, with the heels level with the outer edge. Peter used to get double rations, and needed them, as he had an outsize in appetites. You will remember the coir mattresses (three) that were issued in tlmse days (perhaps?). Well, Peter was issued with four, and added to the length of his bed irons by means of a barrack room box. When on the ship lie was issued with a regulation hammock like the rest of us. He used to hang the hammock up on the hooks provided in the mess, but slept 011 the deck. Peter was one of Nature's gentlemen and came from Ireland.—Nulli Secundus.

The talk was of shaving brushes, and the man with the persistent beard, which he boasted was like a scrubbing brush in twenty-

four hours or less, admitTHE MORNING ted that the brush he was SHAVE. using every morning was fifteen years old, was made of strong string, strong wood-and strong bristles,' and was bought in Queen Street, Auckland, for ninepence. He did not think he'd ever need another because this triumph of British brushmaking looked good to him yet. It_ was agreed that even if you had to pay half-a-crown or three-and-six for a British brush and could get a foreign brush—and anthrax—for tenpence, the cheapness was not worth while. And the man with the exquisite complexion mentioned the deadly nature and infectivity of anthrax, a disease communicable from animal to man by inoculation and so often fatal. It is, he said, variously referred to as splenic fever, wool-sorters' disease, milzbrand, charbon, etc., and the deadly pustule is vile enough to keep at a distance even at five shillings a brush difference in price. The shavers decided when their present brushes died a natural death they would all buy British—and even then boil 'em for an hour (except the sort with glue in).

Mention herein of Sebastian the mule serves to recall a hundred thousand mules— pig-headed brutes—and several special hybrids lapped in hide who went OUTLAWS. to their deaths kicking. There was once a New Zealand sergeant who had lost hi* horse per rifle fire. He was so keen on marching to Pretoria that he stolo a sevenfceen-'hand Argentine mule out of a general's baggage team —and got there. There was once a water-cart mule who loved blankets—loved to stand with all four feet on a stolen blanket when the soldier wanted to go to bed. You might "scotchwalk" anything up to three of his feet off the blanket, but never four at a time. He could kick all round the compass. Mules are supposed .to thrive 011 anything— but 0110 has seen a lusty maize-eater die"of good oats. Mule shoeing is a sport for strong farriers —twitches, blocks, tackles and what not. A New Zealand "farrier-sergeant invented a pretty good, system, of bondage for heels that had to be shod—and was so popular in the army they wanted to keep him for mules and not for fighting. Ultimately he dodged the mules and went fighting. ITc was ambushed and ordered to put his hands up. "I'll watch it!" he said, and didn't hands up. Dead. Once there was a bunch of twelve Argentine mules in the wagon lines, tied to the dissel•booms. They stood in two sixes, heels to heels, with a lane between. An inexperienced soldier desired to take a short cut to his lines. Entered the ninlo lane. Those industrious beasts kicked him from heel to heel down the line like a football—and passed him out battered. His mates buried him next j da v. i

Mention has been publicly made of the rich sound of falling coin, immured in bags and thrown nonchalantly on pavements, lorries and what not by bank RING OR BITE? clerks. As a matter of fact, tlic average spender •ha 6 a grievance that there is no rich sound ■about our new and (it must bo admitted) attractive-looking' nickel coinage. Many gentlemen have inadvertently dropped new threepenny pieces on concrete, board or other substances and have noted that no sound proceeds from the contact. They are, of course, getting used to the absence of "ring" in these masterpieces of the Mint, but the noisolessness of threepenny bits lias led many a man to pay fivepenee for a twopenny newspaper, the shrinking thrum being passed over between the two browns. The complaint as to the absence of the talismanic sound of coins is, of course, not basically sonnd. If Mr. Coates decided on a.currency of greenstone chips or pawa shells, each assigned size being of an arranged exchange value, all would be just as it is. In some South Pacific island, stone money up to four or five hundredweights per coin is nscd. If you were a rich islander and bought n pip you'd accept the pig and row the owner out to a large rock, wave vonr hand, and say, with Mr. Micawber, "Thank God that's paid!" People who grizzle about the soundlessness of trey bits aro the sort of folks who began to worry when sovereigns no longer bored holes in gentlemen's trouser pockets. They have since learned philosophy. Dash it all, there are dress suits still in wear that have been handed down from pater to fllins with a dinky little sovereign pocket in the coat—containing in the 'nineties gold for tips —sez you. I A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Ye trample grass and prize the flowers of -May, | Yet grass is green when flowers do fade away. —Southwell.