PLACE OF THE CHILD.

Auckland Star, Issue 154, 2 July 1934, Page 10

PLACE OF THE CHILD.

PROBLEMS IN A FAMILY. The problems and obstacles that have to be overcome by the eldest child of a family, the youngest, and the middle children were discussed by Dr. 11. E. W. Roberton in an address to the annual meeting of the Christchurcli branch of the I'lunket Society recently. Dr. Roberton said that the means by which a child overcame its obstacles were most important, for there was a tendency for it to follow the same methods all through its life._ It did not follow that brother and sister were alike, and that the same treatment would suit both. If, when they were thwarted, they became obstinate, aggressive, or selfish, there was a danger that they would continue in this manner. The position of a child in a family made a great difference to its treatment by that family. Most normal children developed well in spite of these difficulties, but the weaker ones carried to old age the scars of their early troubles. The eldest child had fewer troubles, but was liable to one specific form of ill-treatment. He started life as the only child, and up to a point must inevitably be spoiled. When a rival appeared the parents realised that the elder child was spoiled, and stopped spoiling it. The feelings of the child could well be imagined: "You used to love me, now you don't." He felt neglected, and was called bad-tempered instead of being petted. He smacked hi 3 rival, and was called naughty and smacked in return. Really this emotion was grief, not bad temper. It was, indeed, a compliment to the parents. The elder child was also frequently told how much better the baby was than he. The most sensitive ago was between two years and four. A child less than two seldom felt displeased at the appearance of a rival, and a child over four regarded the baby as playmate. To preserve harmony there was no harm in favouring the elder a little if necessary, but it must be represented to him that the baby was not a rival but a playmate for his special benefit. Sometimes the eldest child also suffered because he tried to become what his mother and father wanted him to be, and not what he himself wanted to be. Failure was a disappointment to both sides, and the child was called a slacker or a fool or both.

The Second Child. The second child had a bad time if the elder were jealous. He always felt smaller and weaker and had no chance to play a leading part, although he might be the superior. He might become arrogant in order to keep his end up, or he might preserve peace by always giving in. Whether children of approximately the same age should have the same treatment was a very difficult question to answer. However, if any favour were made to the elder it should be made clear that it was done because of his age and not because of his personality.

The middle cliikl was probably the best off, although it had trouble in establishing its individuality and was not credited with any enterprise. The twins who were particularly alike suffered greatly in this respect. The youngest child was a problem. By the time it arrived in a large family a baby was no longer a novelty. It was always looked on as the baby, treated as a* baby, and often called the baby. When it was a little older it was fussed over and spoiled. Then it was accused of bad temper and nerves and became a safety valve for the mother. Sometimes the youngest was unexpected and unwanted, which it knew and felt. Then again sometimes the youngest child was of the wrong sex, and the parents were disappointed. If a girl arrived when a boy was wanted it was often treated as a boy and given a boy's name, which was the parents' way of avoiding their disappointment. It was surprising, said Dr. Robcrton, how many parents were blind to the jealousy and discontent in their families or who, being aware of it, did nothing about it. If they took the trouble to understand the point of view of the child it would be found that the grievance was quite genuine. It was good for children to overcome obstacles; it gave them a feeling of satisfaction and moulded their characters. He thought the overcoming of obstacles did more prood than hanji. but the children should be helped, noc hindered, by their parents.